Finding My Strength
by ShatteredHeart98
Summary: Kita is too shy and timid for her own good, especially when she arrives, completely friendless, into a new school. Wanting to help her out, the K-on club invite her into their band, but is her bad luck too much to handle? Will the band survive? Some Angst
1. New Girl

**Finding My Strength**

**Chapter One**

**New Girl**

_Late again! Why am I always late? _Yui's feet pounded over the pavement as she raced alongside the road that was littered with early morning traffic. Her eyes scanned the area for anyone bearing the same uniform as her, but she knew that only she could be this late.

"Yui, hurry!" Ui had begged outside of her bedroom door only minutes before. "At least tell me you're up!"

Ui would have been disappointed if she had opened the door and seen her sister. Yui was still snuggled in her blankets, her face buried into her pillow, still as lazy as she had been since she was three. She ignored the calls and the hammering fists on her door until arm jerked against Gitah. The string rung a resounding hum, and her eyes shot open.

"The music club!" she cried out, bolting up as though she had been shocked with electricity. "They need me!"

Ui's confusion seeped through the door. "That's right, so come out here and eat!"

"No time!" Yui threw on her school clothes, tripping this way and that as she also tried to gather her school books at the same time. Her pants had not been pulled up properly and she tripped on the hems to land flat on her face with Gitah clutched in her hand. "Ui... help me!"

Her sister burst into the room, alert and ready to face a disaster. She saw Yui lying on the floor with her arms and legs flailing helplessly in an attempt to right herself. Sighing, the younger yet responsible sister caught her arms and yanked her up.

"Thanks Ui," Yui gasped as she sped around her with her beg trailing along the ground from the strap. Yui dashed through the bathroom in a minute long circuit, then sped to the kitchen where she yanked up a bowel of cereal that had been waiting for her for over an hour. Taking a deep breath, she began to drink it down.

"Yui, no!" Ui caught her arm just as she began to choke and gave her back a hammering to dislodge the food. It came up all over the table, and Yui slumped over the chair.

"Yui?"

Still holding onto her dear Gitah, Yui staggered back to her feet. "Thanks Ui, I owe you my life," she breathed dramatically as she clapped a hand over her sister's shoulder.

Ui caught her hand and dragged her towards the door, shoving a packed lunch into her incapable hands. "Save me later. For now, get to school!" It was like this every morning; it all started off slow, then as soon as Yui remembered about her beloved club's teatime, she was like a rocket.

Yui stepped out of the door, but at the last moment she caught the door frame and turned back inside. Her eyebrow was raised. "What about you?" she asked, zipping Gitah into it's instrument bag as she watched her sister.

Ui shook her head and pushed her sister further out of the house. "My hand still hurts from last night. I already called my teachers and they told me not to bother coming in, now go! If you hurry and make it to your first lesson, I'll have a nice ice cream cake for after dinner, okay?" She was almost begging.

This was the inspiration Yui had been waiting for. She clapped her hands together, her eyes blazing with purpose. "Right! Let's do this!"

Now here she was, speeding towards the school with her thoughts both focused on how vulnerable she was when it came to food, and how unreliable she was when it came to arriving on time. Nevertheless, she now had a better reason to make it on time. She glanced down at her watch. She had ten minutes until her first class, and the school was still not in sight.

"Damn Ui's hands! I curse you!" she shouted to the wind, wishing it was her that had burnt her hands cooking dinner instead of her sister. Not only would she be able to avoid school, but she would also be treated to more treats every hour in hopes of recovering by Ui.

_Never mind that, _she thought to herself as she rounded a corner. _I'm almost there! Almost-. _Her mind cut off all her beloved Gitah swung forward on her back and smacked her in the back of the head. She fell to her face just like she had that morning, the hard cement scraping her hands and her knees.

For moments she thought she was dead, unable to move. A light rain began to fall, the world spitting on her in this moment of turmoil. With the last of her strength she turned to face Gitah that lay beside her, the strap torn. "Why, Gitah? Why?"

Of course, this wasn't the end of Yui. The ice cream cake meant too much for her. She pulled herself slowly to her feet, her burning hand gripping Gitah and throwing it back over her shoulder. She tried to ignore her mortal injuries, the skin scraped on her knees and palms, and looked up to see the school just as she heard the final bell before the lessons ring. Images of the cake fading away fed her the courage she needed and she ran.

Kita was terrified. There was no other word for it. She stood at the sink in the girl's bathrooms, staring at her pale, shaking form in the mirror. For the fifth time that morning she asked herself the question: "Why am I here?"

Students filed in and out of the bathroom, checking their appearance in the mirrors or simply going fulfilling their 'personal needs'. Most of them stared at her, some of them asked if she was alright, and the rest of them ignored her completely. Either way she was silent, waving everyone who approached away. She was afraid that if she spoke, she would either vomit or burst into tears.

Now the first lesson was about to start, and the room was empty. She leaned down in the sink, ready to release her breakfast as the knot in her stomach tightened. Her hands gripped the edge tightly, turning her knuckles white.

Kita was a new student, exchanged from another school to be closer to her hospital-bound mother. Despite being glad to spend her afternoons with her seriously ill mum, Kita couldn't fight off the nerves of stepping into a new school and found herself wishing she was still attending her old academy with her old friends and her old lessons. Now she knew no one, had no idea where any of her lessons were, and was helplessly ignorant to everything inside of these walls. She had already been shown around briefly by the principle some time before, but it simply was not enough. She was already lost amongst the many halls and stairways, and surprised herself at finding the bathroom when she had felt she needed it the most.

It had been some time since the students had left to head to their lessons early before the bell rang. At least she knew when she would be officially late. Sighing, she lifted her head in the solitary silence and stared at herself. She was nothing special. Long, dark brown hair waving around her face in untamed curls, a thin, wiry body protruding from the tight uniform. She continually dragged her skirt lower to hide the wobbling in her knees and leave her with some comfort that the last bare piece of her was covered. Her eyes were a washout blue, her nose pointed and her cheeks bright pink against the white. She looked as ill as she felt.

The door to the bathroom was thrown open, and Kita's head jerked up in surprise to see another girl stumble in. She caught the edge of the door and doubled over. Her entire body shook as she gasped for air. As she lifted her head Kita saw that her face was bright red and covered in sweat, but she was smiling.

"Finally, I made it!" the girl gasped, clutching at a stitch in her side. Still her smile didn't fade. "Now I get ice cream cake! I'll just message Ui and..." she trailed off as she realise Kita was inside as well, leaning heavily over a sink and looking as though she were about to collapse to the tiles.

For a moment there was an awkward silence, both girls staring at each other. Kita felt conscious about how she must have looked and leaned even further over the sink as a wave of nausea rose inside of her.

The girl took a step closer to her. "Are you alright?" She reached out to take the Kita's arm, wanting to hold her up before she fell.

Kita nodded her head lightly and forced a weak smile onto her face. "Y-yeah, I'm just a little nervous is all." She turned away a little, trying to lose this student's interest.

"Nervous?" The girl came even closer, peering at Kita carefully. "It must be something huge if you're freaking out like this! Wait... come to think of it, I haven't seen you around before." The girl her a thumb pressed to her chin as she thought of all of the familiar faces in the school.

"Yes, I'm new here," Kita said, wanting nothing more to do with this stranger. As desperate as she was for a friend in a new place, her shy personality took over and she wished she were alone. Perhaps she could spend the entire day in here? That is, if this girl didn't drag her to see the school nurse.

The girl held out her hand to Kita, momentarily forgetting that she was about to have a nervous breakdown. "My name's Yui!"

"Kita." Kita took her hand and shook it lightly, subconsciously taking a step back. She didn't want comfort or pity. She wanted to leave this place and never come back. The urge was like an itch, and she knew that she was good at running away from things.

Yui saw the fear in Kita's eyes and reached out again. Like a frightened animal, Kita shied away from the touch. "It's okay," Yui said, letting her hand fall.

"No," Kita gasped, her eyes seeking the door. "I... I'm sorry." She ran for the door before Yui could stop her and disappeared out into the hall.

Yui never forgot where the Light Music Room was despite her memory always failing her. The music wafted down the stairs and led her like the smell of Ui's cooking. She followed it to the familiar door where the sound welcomed her in it's loud embrace.

Yui paused at the door, her hand hovering over the handle. All day her mind had been on the new girl, Kita. She couldn't even begin to understand what she felt, but she had looked so frightened in the bathroom. It was enough to force the thoughts of ice cream cake out of Yui's mind... for at least a little while.

The end of the day had been precious to her as it always was. Music cleared her head of everything, and she would rely on it today. However, she had never been one to ignore another's turmoil. Despite barely knowing Kita, she didn't want her to be alone. Perhaps the others know more about her.

"Yui, are you coming in or not?"

Ritsu's voice called out from inside, and Yui opened the door to find the rest of the girls sitting at the table, snacking on Mugi's usual assortment of cakes and chocolates.

"How did you know I was there?" Yui asked as she pulled Gitah from her back.

Ritsu snorted into her tea. "Do you have any idea how big your head is? We could see it in the little glass window."

Yui pouted and pretended that the insult had cut her deep. "Ricchan, you bully!"

As usual, Mugi aimed to lighten the situation with food. She lifted a forkful of cake into the air, holding it out to Yui. "Calm down, Yui, and come and eat with us."

The mouthwatering sight was too much for Yui to resist. She hurried over and grasped the fork, shoving the piece of cake into her mouth. Immediately the purpose of her life was met, and she sank to her knees in happiness. Slowly, she lifted the fork. "More?" she begged.

Smiling, Mugi stuck another piece of cake onto the end of the fork and watched contently as Yui chewed on it, her eyes bright and her cheeks puffed out in a giddy grin.

Mio rolled her eyes at the sight. "You really are incapable of everything, aren't you, Yui?"

Yui wasn't listening. She was a puddle on the ground, hugging herself as she savoured the flavours of Mugi's feast.

Azusa watched her closely from her chair, the only one seeming concerned as Yui seemed to drift into another world completely. "Is she alright?"

"She'll be fine as long as she receives a dose of cake every ten minutes," Ritsu answered as she threw a small square of cake towards Yui whom caught it expertly with the fork.

Mio shook her head in awe. "I wished she would use that sort of focus for band practice instead of catching cake."

On the floor, Yui's eyes snapped open. Cake... That reminded her of Ui's promise to make her an ice cream cake if she made it to first lesson. The entire morning flooded back into her memory, and with it, the girl in the toilets. Kita. She sat upright quickly. "Hey, do any of you know the new girl, Kita?"

Every face in the room was blank.

"Kita?" Mio repeated, thinking hard. "I don't think I heard that name today."

"Why are you asking?" Mugi asked.

Yui sighed and pulled her knees to her chest. "I ran into her in the toilets this morning and she was really nervous. I feel sorry for her, and it would be better for her if she knew one of us."

Ritsu was banging her drumsticks against the side of the table, yawning. "Sounds like you, Mio," she replied with only a small hint of teasing in her tone.

Mio shot her a glare from across the table. "I am _not _that shy!"

"Are so."

"I am not!"

As the two bickered, Azusa spoke up. "I remember someone saying something about a student coming from another school, but I didn't actually see her."

"I think I saw her, but she was just walking down the hall. I didn't speak to her," Mugi admitted.

Yui felt even worse for Kita, being alone in this school full of strangers. She wished that she could do something, but the way she had reacted when she was trying to comfort her assumed that she would not let anyone near her until she was ready.

"So are we going to practice today, or eat cake?" Azusa asked, taking over Mio's job of whipping the rest of the girls into shape. She was already standing to plug her bass into the amplifier.

Ristu groaned and shoved her chair back. "I guess we'll practice, but one song, and then back to eating!"

"No!" Mio growled, grasping her friend by the collar of her shirt. "Come on, Ritsu, get up or I'll make you practice until midnight!"

Ristu didn't feel the force of the threat. "I'd like to see you make me, Mio."

Azusa swiped her pick across the string of her bass, making the room ring with the note. "Enough!" she roared. "It's time for practice!"

Ristu and Mio took one last look at each other, Mio wearing a frown and Ristu wearing a triumphant smile, then they moved off to their places. Mugi was already at her keyboard, always fast to follow Azusa's instructions. That left Yui on the floor, her mind still focused on Kita.

"Yui?" Mugi called, switching on her keyboard.

"That girl will be fine," Ritsu said as she leaned over her drums lazily. "At least she doesn't have to practice in a band for hours."

"If you hate it, then why are you here?" Mio yelled, turning on her heel with her eyes blazing. Everyone took a step away from her and Ristu quickly changed her attitude.

"I'm here because I love to practice!" she said quickly, sitting up straight and putting on a fake grin that showed all of her teeth. "See? Please don't kill me, Mio!"

Yui dragged herself from the floor with Gitah tight in her clutch. She stepped between Mio and Azusa and as she brought the pick down towards the strings, she wondered if she would see Kita again.

The band played for at least an hour after school every day, and usually Mrs Sawa the teacher came along for tea time. However she was too busy today, so they had the entire time to focus completely on their music much to half the groups disappointment.

Yui was taking care of the vocals today as the others belted out notes and beats on their instruments. They sounded better and better every time they played together. The year they had spent as a band had certainly achieved more glory and skills than they had expected. Each and everyone of them were proud of themselves, but still they wished for at least one more member to add to the sound.

Half way through the hour, they finished their fourth song. Ritsu let out a loud, dramatic breath and fell again onto her drum set. "That's it! No more! My hands, they burn!" She held them up, shaking them as she moaned. "Look at the raw wounds!"

As usual, Mugi took her pain seriously. "I-I'll go and get you some water right away, Ritsu!" she gasped, rushing into the small kitchen area.

Azusa could barely believe her eyes. She still wasn't used to these characters she played beside. "Is she always that gullible?" she asked Mio.

Mio sighed and messaged her temples. "Unfortunately Ritsu's acting skills work wonders with her," she said as the drummer burst into laughter behind her.

The only one in the group that didn't share in the theatrics was Yui. She sat on the floor in front of the microphone, tapping against Gitah's strings. "Poor Kita," she mumbled as she let out a sad note.

"If you're that worried about her, maybe you should check the other clubs and see if she's still here," Mio suggested, crossing her arms across her chest. She wished that just once Yui could put one hundred percent of her concentration into the band performance.

Yui's ears had pricked up at the idea, though. "Hmm... I wonder if she would be in one of the other bands right now."

A knock at the door made them all jump, alerted in the silence that enveloped the room once they had finished a song.

"We aren't expecting anyone, are we?" Ritsu asked, her amusement finally halting. "Mrs Sawa was busy, right?"

"Yeah, it can't be her," Mio said, striding over to the door with Yui on her heels. The black haired girl pulled open the door to find a timid girl with long brown hair shaking on the other side. She clutched her hands tight together in front of her and kept her gaze on the ground.

"Kita!" Yui exclaimed, popping up in the doorway beside Mio. "Are you okay? I was worried about you. Did anything happen? What are you doing here?"

Mio clamped a hand over Yui's mouth before she could blurt out any more questions. "Give her a minute, Yui! Your terrifying her!" She turned back to Kita, looking her up and down as she trembled.

Kita wasn't sure of the last question Yui had asked. Why was she here? She was asking herself again. She had heard someone talking about the Light Music club, and without thinking she had followed the directions that was printed on the back of the club handout she had found. "I... I was just..." She couldn't get the words out. She was too afraid of these people, these band players that probably thought she was a pathetic joke. The girl Yui looked happy to see her. What had she said about her? That she was a weak, frightened little girl? Oh, why had she come?

"Are you alright?" Mio asked, noticing how pale she was. She looked as though she were about to fall right onto the floor, and Mio's softer side came out.

Yui reached out towards Kita before Mio could, aiming to comfort her. "Don't worry, Kita. It's okay." She gave her most comforting smile that she hoped didn't look too deranged.

It wasn't okay for Kita, though. She felt so unsafe, so unprotected. She wanted nothing more than to be at home wrapped in her blankets, alone, or beside her mother at the hospital just to know she was alright. Before Yui could come any closer to her, she turned and ran down the hall. Whatever reasons she had followed subconsciously was long gone.

Mio watched in shock from the doorway as Kita hurried away. "What did we do?" she asked guiltily.

"I told you, she's just shy," Yui said, strapping Gitah onto her back. "I'm going after her, so stay here and practice, okay?" She gave Mio the 'thumbs-up.'

"Wait, Yui, don't forget about the... vocals." Yui was already gone, and Mio let out a long breath. "Damn, guess that leaves only me to sing." She shrugged her shoulders. "Band time's over for today, then."

As she turned and and headed back into the room to receive the news she was sure would please Ritsu, she was certain she heard the girl Kita scream from down the hall. She only wished for the girl's sake that Yui wouldn't be her usual uncontrollable self, and knew that she had no choice but to trust in Yui's intelligence... no matter how unreliable it was.


	2. Agreement

**Chapter Two**

**Agreement**

Kita raced out of the school like a rocket, not even stopping as her feet hit the slippery cement of the courtyard outside. It had been raining, and the dark sky reflected the darkness inside of her, swirling and twisting her emotions.

"Stupid, stupid!" she growled at herself. "Why did I go there? Was it because they mentioned that Yui girl played there?" She was sure that was it. After hearing Yui's name in the confusing halls of the school, the one person she had managed to talk to, she had been filled with hope. It had been too fast to believe, but now she remembered it, the flutter inside. Of course, her fears got in the way in the end as they always did. She needed to be in her place of comfort with her mother or with just herself.

Kita raced out across the empty road without giving thought to caution. She barely had any idea where she was going, and had forgotten the paths that she had walked that morning. She was running blind in a place that she didn't know.

"Hey, Kita! Slow down!"

Yui's voice cried out from behind her and she instinctively sped up. "No! I want to be alone!" she cried out.

Corner after corner she turned, and the more she progressed through the unknown world, the more lost she became. She found herself in a thin alleyway with graffiti covering the brick walls and stray cat running past her. Newspaper littered the ground and she was sure the heard the echoing of footsteps. She headed towards the end of the alleyway with her heart thundering in her chest. She thought she would throw up in her panic as her stomach heaved.

The alleyway led out into a park. It was little more than a rectangular patch of grass surrounded by a small fence, but the bench that rested beneath a tree looked too tempting for Kita to ignore. She was gasping for her breath after running for so long, and the was covered in a thin sheet of sweat. The temperature had dropped, and she was now growing cold, the heat from the run not enough to protect her.

She dragged her heavy feet towards the bench, no longer thinking about her hunter, Yui. She collapsed onto the cold steel and pulled her arms around herself for warmth and comfort. Her first day had been terrible. No friends, only a girl that had seen her at her worst point in the toilets. She had no idea where half of her lessons were and was too shy to ask, so she turned up late. The work was harder than she had expected, and the teachers couldn't offer her help the entire time. Then the end of the day had ended with her humiliating herself in front of the girl Yui and the only opportunity she would have for gaining a friend.

"Mum, what am I going to do?" she asked aloud, wishing that she was with her mother right now. She had asked her to visit after she got herself dinner, but Kita didn't want to wait. She wanted to be with her this minute so she could hear her tell her that everything would be alright... that she would be alright...

"Kita?" Yui stood in front of her, bending down with her hands on her knees. She was panting only slightly from chasing after her, making soft clouds in the air. As Kita lifted her head, she let out a relieved sigh. "Thank goodness! I thought for a moment I had the wrong person because you were looking down and I couldn't see your face. That would have been embarrassing!"

Kita lowered her head again and tightened her arms around herself. A slight rain was beginning to fall lightly on her, but she didn't have the energy to run again.

Something soft and warm was pulled over her shoulders. "Here, you're shivering," Yui said as her hands fumbled with the front of the scarf. She tied it lightly around Kita's neck and stood back to inspect her job. "There. Better now?"

Kita could barely believe the kindness of this girl after she had run away from her twice. Her general 'loner' behaviour often pushed people away. She was always being ignored, and even though she pretended that it didn't bother her, on the inside she wished that someone, anyone, would accept her.

"Thanks," she muttered, placing a hand against the furry material. "This does feel better."

"Good." Yui took that as an invitation and sat down beside Kita. "I was worried, you know. The entire club is probably wondering about you as well."

Kita's stomach churned. "You told them about me? Those people in there?" She could only assume they had been laughing about how weak she was. However, Yui didn't seem the type to speak about someone like that.

"Yeah, I told them I felt sorry for you, and I wondered if any of them had seen you or spoken to you. I was actually going to check and see if you were in any of the other clubs, but then you came to us and you ran and I came after you..." she took a deep breath and laughed. "Sorry, I can't stop talking sometimes. You obviously know the rest of it."

"Yes," Kita said quietly, puzzled that Yui had been worried. "Why did you chase after me?"

Yui looked surprised that Kita had asked. "I couldn't leave you like that, right? You looked really upset, and I wanted to know what was wrong."

"Nothing," Kita admitted, tightening the scarf around her neck as a cold draft swept the area. "I've always been like that, too scared to take a chance."

Yui watched closely, then folded her fingers beneath her chin. "Hmm... Why did you come up there? Did you want to join our club?" She lit up at the thought.

Kita hated to disappoint her. She shook her head. "No. Actually, I came up there to speak to you. I thought, if you were nice enough to try and comfort me in the morning than maybe you could be..." She trailed off, biting down on her words.

"You want to be friends?" Yui asked excitedly.

Kita nodded.

"Well of course, Kita!" she exclaimed. She took on the expression of a serious thinker again, something that didn't fit well with her."One thing though. Why are you always so timid?"

The questions echoed in Kita's mind. Why was she so timid? Why didn't she open up? Why was she afraid of everything? One simple answer came to mind. _My mother. _She wouldn't say it. She didn't want Yui to know the truth about her mother. "It's how I've always been," she lied. "I was taken to a doctor because my family thought it was serious, but apparently some people are just shyer than others."

Yui straightened up, nodding her head. "Okay. Tell me more about yourself than, Kita. Oh, unless you want to head somewhere warmer?"

"No. I have to leave soon anyway," Kita said quickly, not wanting to spend much longer around Yui. She was glad that she now officially had a friend, but it had been a long time since she had opened up her heart, even if it was only by an inch. She would take baby steps at a time, and that meant she wanted to return to the comfort of her mother soon.

"Alright. Go ahead then. We've got time, right?"

Kita took a deep breath, organising her thoughts. It was odd, speaking to someone like this. She had been running from her only moments ago, telling herself that she couldn't let anyone in because of her nature, but now that she was in a new school, she was stronger. She felt a surge of pride as she told Yui more about her fears.

Kita had been unpopular and lonely for years ever since her mother's disease first surfaced. She didn't mention her mother to Yui as it was something she kept inside, locked away, but she told her that she had been as she was for too long. She rarely made friends, and was always known as a nerd for passing her classes perfectly. She was also prone to fainting and being sick due to fears such as blood, spiders, dogs, the dark, and garden gnomes.

"Garden Gnomes?" Yui burst out laughing.

Kita pouted. "You never know what happens at night when they're out of eye-shot."

Both girls stared at each other for a moment before they burst out laughing.

"You really have issues!" Yui gasped as she snorted into her gloved hands that clamped over her mouth. She couldn't muffle her laughter no matter how hard she tried, and her laughing voice was incredibly high and would be embarrassing to anyone who felt shame.

"I know, but I can't help it," Kita said, her laughter fading fast as her self-pity took over. She sighed and hugged herself against the growing cold. "I don't like to be like this. I feel so unlucky."

Yui immediately felt bad for laughing at the girl. She slung her arm across her shoulders and shifted closer on the seat. She felt so sorry for her, and she found her utterly adorable. If Yui put those two things together, she couldn't keep her hands off, just like the case with her 'pet cat' Azusa.

"Yui," Kita said, shifting her shoulders lightly. "Uh... what are you doing?"

Yui purred as she leaned against Kita. "Ohhh... I want to help you so much, Kitty!"

"Kitty?"

Yui's eyes flew open, but not because she had thought of a nickname without even concentrating on it. She had come up with an idea, something that would make others duck for cover. "That's it!"

Kita already felt odd vibes in the air. "What?" she asked worriedly, slipping further away on the bench.

Yui turned to her, her eyes wide. "Join the Light Music Club with me and the other girls! We need a new member and you need to make friends and open up! Win win!"

Kita's heart faltered and she felt her head stomach churning. Would she faint or throw up? Perhaps both? "More people?" she asked, the fact unbearable to think about. "But it was hard enough finding the bravery to talk to you..."

"That's just it, Kitty," Yui said, grasping Kita's hands between her warm, gloved palms. "You shouldn't have to try hard to open up tot he others. If you join the club you won't have a choice but to open up to all of them, and it'll help you so much! I know it sounds hard now, but they're really, really nice!"

"Yui..."

Please!" Yui used the famous puppy-dog look, one that rarely worked in the club except for those like Mugi who couldn't even resist ordinary sanding papers in a warehouse.

Kita swallowed, shaking harder on the seat despite the chilly winds lightening. "I don't know. It's been so long since I've been with a group, and how do you know that I can even play any instruments?"

"I can tell." Yui pulled her hands up and poked her fingers. "Soft, soft, soft," she chanted, "just like the fingers of a competent bass player."

Kita blushed and pulled her hand away. "Acoustic guitar, actually. I also play the violin, the piano, and I can do some vocals, but I can't last long without getting exhausted when I sing." She shrugged. "Still, it sounds like you have a large number of people in your band."

Yui held up four fingers. "Only four others. Mugi, Ricchan, Mio, and Azu-nya."

"Azu-nya doesn't sound like a real name," Kita pointed out.

Yui's face went red and she giggled guiltily. "Yeah, I kinda nicknamed her that, like you're Kitty now."

Kita felt she was doomed to the name, but it only established the fact that Yui was indeed her friend, caring enough to give her an independent title. Still, she hesitated. Four people was still plenty enough to make her panic at the thought.

"Just for a week?" Yui pressed, her hands splayed together in a prayer. "One week, and then you can decide whether to stay!"

Kita's heart began to sway. She was fond of this girl, her first friend in years. It had been too long, too lonely. Her mother had told her to make a friend, and now she had to keep the friendship together. "How about I take it one day at a time. Tomorrow I'll come and you can introduce me to the club. From there we'll let things work out, but if I don't like it, I won't come back. Deal?"

Yui considered everything that she had heard for a moment, her mind working in overtime to keep up. After a moment she nodded her head enthusiastically. "Alright, deal then!" They both shook hands on the agreement.

Feeling both frightened yet excited, Kita found it hard to come to a decision on her emotions. Either way though, she was stuck with her deal. Looking at her new friend's sparkling eyes convinced her that she would be safe by her side though, and she believed that maybe everything would be okay.

"I had better get going then, Yui. I'll meet you tomorrow at..." She hesitated, knowing very little about the school she now attended.

"The bathroom again," Yui said with a smile. "I'll turn up early to show you around the school better, and then I'll pick you up at wherever you last class is to take you to the club. I'll speak to them before hand and tell them to be on their best behaviour, okay?"

"Alright then," Kita agreed, getting to her feet. She looked out across the greying sky and shivered. It would be a cold walk to he hospital.

"Keep the scarf," Yui said as she slipped off of the bench. "I've got a tonne at home. Anyway, we're friends now, right?"

Kita couldn't stop the smile even if she tried. "Yeah, that's right."

They parted ways at the park, both waving to each other as they headed off.

Yui turned halfway down her path and cried out to Kita. "Hey! Watch out for those garden gnomes, okay?"

Kita felt herself going red and snorted. "Shut up, Yui..."

"Mum...?"

Kita's mother would never mistake that voice. She heard it almost every day in the hospital, beckoning her from the darkness of her exhausted sleeps. She opened her eyes, and there she was, her brown haired, blue eyed daughter, the most precious thing that remained in her life.

"Ahh, honey... It's so good to see you..."

Kita settled down on the chair at the side of the bed and settled her school bag onto the floor. "Sorry I'm late," she said sheepishly, rubbing her hands to together between her knees to warm them. "I was talking to someone."

Her mother's eyes lit up, losing the pale dimness they had held. "Oh, a friend I hope...?"

Kita's smile was in her eyes and her heart as well as on her face. She was positively glowing. "That's right. Her name is Yui. I met her this morning, and she caught up with me after school." She didn't want to tell her mother that she had had to chase her down because of her cowardice.

"That's wonderful... I knew you could do it, Kita..." Her mother strained on the words, her sickness restricting her energy greatly. She reached over to her bedside table with a shaking hand and gripped a glass of water.

She looked terrible, Kita thought. Her mother's once glistening chestnut hair that had passed onto her daughter was limp and dirty. Her skin was pale and every breath was clearly forced through her heaving chest. She was dying from a serious heart disease. She had been since Kita had been a little girl.

"How long?" Kita had asked her mother the first night she had found out. Her mother had had her first collapse only hours before, and it was a rough way for young Kita to find out. She had waited until her mother had woken in the hospital bed, and those were her first words.

"I don't know," her mother had answered, a tear trickling down the side of her face. "I don't know how long I will live."

Years had passed, but she hadn't gotten better. Kita had shut herself down since her mother's first collapse. A year passed until she became aware of the world again, but she was different. Everything frightened her, everything alerted her, and she couldn't open up to people like the used to. It was her mother's fault, but the anger was not with the daughter. Her mother blamed herself. She didn't need Kita to tell her that it was her fault to know.

"What will you do when I'm gone?" Her mother had asked last year. "Will you just curl up and die on your own? I won't have that!"

Kita hadn't known what to say. If she couldn't stand the smallest things without fainting or being sick on herself and she couldn't find the strength to open up to people, how would she deal with losing her mother? Friends or not, her mother's death would be the end of her she was convinced.

Her mother drowned the glass of water and placed it back on the table. She coughed as she swallowed it down properly, then stared intensely at Kita. "What else...? You're hiding something..."

Kita hated lying to her, so she told her of the agreement between her and Yui. Her mother showed more pride in her withered features. "Kita... Well done, my Kita..."

"I just want to please you, mum," Kita admitted, chewing on her lip as she watched the most important person to her die a little more each day. "I just want to make you happy."

_Sorry for the angst, there will be more of this sad stuff but more of the happy stuff as well, so don't worry! I love my work full of emotion :)_


	3. First Impressions

**Chapter Three**

**First Impression**

Kita's heart pounded in her throat. Everything inside of her told her to run. Her knees buckled and her chest tightened. Before her was the door of her nightmares, the door of the Light Music Club.

And there was no Yui to protect her.

Yui had been absent all day. She shared three classes with Kita because the teachers had called out her name from the list. Kita had waited in the bathroom for her and she hadn't arrived, so she hurried off to the nearest teacher to ask for proper directions to her classes.

The day passed faster than she had wanted, for she was sure that Yui wasn't coming and she would have to face the club alone. She worked harder than ever before, putting her concentration into her work. She wanted to be ahead early so she could worry about life later.

She had four classes that day, but she couldn't concentrate in any of them. Her thoughts were on the club, and she made many mistakes due to the distraction such as falling off of her chair in English when she had been leaning on the back legs, and drawing a thick line through her apple in Art.

Now here she was, standing in front of the doors of doom. Yui hadn't told her what the other girls were like except for 'nice.' What did nice mean to her? What if they were heavy metal players that smiled as blood pallets bled down from their mouths? What if they didn't want her in the club in the first place? If Yui had been gone all day, then they wouldn't have been told about her.

"Oh no," she gasped, having forgotten about that fact. "Oh no, oh no, oh no..."

Inside of the room music was beginning to play. It was gentle music, definitely fitting the name of 'light' music. The drums beat in a pounding rhythm, the keyboard played in the background with a shallow melody, and the bass took the cake off the performance as it sang out under the players skilled hands.

For a moment, Kita felt completely influenced by the music. Her hands that were hiding deep in her pockets began to pluck at the invisible strings of her acoustic guitar and in her imagination she was a part of this wonderful music.

Then the imagination shattered as she pictured the people that could be inside. What if she wasn't good enough for them? What if they didn't need a violin, or a piano, or an acoustic guitar, or even a singer?

Her hand tightened on the doorknob. She had to go in. She had to be sure before she threw this opportunity away. Her new friendship was counting on this. Yui wad counting on her. She didn't want to disappoint her.

She took a breath as she opened the door.

Light spilled in front the brightly lit room and shone in her eyes. For a moment she expected them to attack her in her moment of weakness, but as she blinked and adjusted, she saw that they weren't the sort of people she had expected. They sat with their instruments, having stopped midway through playing. They looked like ordinary school girls, not scary or dangerous at all.

The drummer with long, thick bangs raised an an eyebrow as she lowered her hovering drumsticks. "Uh, who are you?" she asked not unkindly but not welcoming either.

Kita's breath caught in her throat. She had interrupted their performance. Were they mad? "S-sorry," she gasped, already stepping back towards the doorway.

The black haired bass player looked to be in charge, for she stepped a little closer to her. Her face was riddled with confusion. "Did you want something?" she asked.

Kita's mouth was too dry to spit out any words. "I was just...uhh..."

Footsteps were rushing from behind her in the hall. She turned, her heart beating fast in her chest. She couldn't deal with a surprise right now. She just wanted to crawl into a corner.

A blur appeared before her, someone clearly moving faster than light. She had only a moment to let out a startled cry before the stranger slammed into her with a force equivalent to a truck, and everything went black.

For a moment everyone in the band room was silent. Ritsu had risen from her drum set with her mouth hanging open. Mugi had jumped halfway through the roof from the surprise.

Lying on the floor next to the unconscious figure of Kita was Yui. She had run in out of nowhere and obviously hadn't anticipated that Kita would be right in the doorway. She groaned as she lifted herself up groggily.

Mio was the first to speak. "Yui, what the hell are you doing?"

Yui stared at her, blinking to regain her focus. "Huh?"

"Is... is she okay?" Azusa asked, pointing to Kita.

Yui's eyes dropped to her new friend that she had possible concussed. "Kitty!" she gasped, dropping to her knees beside her.

The band began to make their way over, but Mugi rushed passed. She was trained in every course that the girl's knew of including first aid which they were thinking could be very handy here.

Unfortunately, Mugi sometimes disappointed them.

"Oh God, what do I do, what do I do?" her head shook this way and that as she searched for something that could help. "Tea! Get me some tea!"

Ritsu raised an eyebrow as she bent over Kita. "Tea?"

Mugi's face went bright red. She was at a complete loss of what to do now that she faced the situation. Tea had always been the solution in this club.

Yui was almost beside herself with panic. She grasped Kita's shoulders tightly and shook her like a rag-doll, her head hanging limply. "Kitty, wake up! Wake up!"

"Yui, you're going to hurt her!" Mio warned, grasping Yui's hands and dragging her back.

"But Kitty!"

"Get it together, guys!" Azusa exclaimed, standing up to look more like a force to be reckoned with. "She could be seriously hurt!"

"Wait, I think she's waking up." Ritsu was still at Kita's side, peering down at her as she twitched. Everyone instantly made a circle around the girl, waiting with baited breath.

Kita's eyes fluttered open. Her head pounded and she felt as though she had just run a marathon. She was completely drained of energy, but she could see clearly as the girls surrounded her.

"Hey, shy girl. Are you alright?" Ritsu asked, a friendly smile appearing on her face.

Kita took in all of the girls individually, noting the fear and the worry they showed. Yui looked worse than the strangers, her eyes tearing up.

"Kitty," she gasped, falling to her side. She took her hand tightly and rocked backwards and forwards. "I thought I was going to lose you!"

"Well you're the one who knocked her out," Mio pointed out to the sobbing Yui. She offered Kita a hand, giving her a warming smile. "Here, take it slowly."

Kita took her hand gratefully and allowed the others to help her stand. Mugi slung her arm around her back and supported her as she stood on trembling legs.

"Th-thanks," she muttered, going red with all of the attention she was receiving. She hated attention, even if it was considered good attention. She was led over to the blue couch that sat in the centre of the room where they sat her down gentle. A second later Mugi had pressed a steaming cup of tea into her hands, still looking flustered.

The group all sat in front of her on the floor, only Mio and Azusa remaining standing. They exchanged glances with each other, clearly wondering what to do about this strange girl.

Ritsu sat down at Kita's side on the couch and stared closely at her. "So why did you come up here... uhh... Kita, was it?"

Kita nodded, shuffling in her seat uncomfortably. Ritsu was sitting so close to her, and her nerves grated on edge. "Yes, that's right."

"Ohh, you had me so worried, Kitty!" Yui cried out, lunging at Kita and hugging her tightly. She pulled back only to tap her on the head. "Bad Kitty!"

Mio grasped Yui's shoulder. "Give her some air, Yui. She was passed out, remember?"

Yui hesitantly moved to Kita's side, watching her carefully.

"So why did you come here?" Azusa asked. She was looking at Yui, seeming to have already guessed that this was her idea.

"Oh, oh, I was meant to tell you guys!" Yui said quickly, her hands flying through the air as she explained. "I was late waking up this morning and I ended up sleeping through he whole day until a few minutes ago! I ran to school and headed up here so I could tell you guys that she was going to join and see how things went with the club, but I didn't see her in the doorway and 'smack!'" She clapped her hands together to reflect on the impact.

The group struggled to understand her speed-talking. They all stared around at each other, looking for answers.

"Wait, so Kita told you she wanted to join?" Ritsu asked, looking suddenly excited. As soon as Yui nodded, she grasped Kita's hands tightly. "That's great! Thank you so much!"

Immediately, they all began to press in on Kita, each of them asking her different questions. Kita sank further and further into the couch until she was sure that she felt it leaning backwards. She tried her best to keep up with all of the girls, but it was impossible.

"Everyone, hold it!" Yui's voice rang through the room. She moved in front of Kita defensively with her arms out as though fending off an army. "Give Kitty a minute to explain, alright? I told you guys, she's really shy."

They all remembered that Yui had mentioned the new girl the day before, and they nodded in understanding. Each of them sat back down again, and Yui turned back to Kita. "Go ahead, tell them why you're here."

Kita felt the familiar feelings of panic that she had to experience at least once everyday. She was beginning to sweat, her heart started to pound, and her stomach twisted. "I, uh... Yui and I agreed yesterday after she found me that, well, it would be good for the both of us if I joined your club."

Yui took over so Kita could breathe without fainting. "This way we have the extra member we wanted, and Kita can learn to open up to people and make some friends, right? Now I told her that all of you are nice, so you have to stay that way, alright? No turning into heartless monsters!"

The girls looked offended at the thought that they would ever become like that, but the questions they had on the tips of their tongues was too much of a distraction for them to remain angry.

"What instruments can you play?" Ritsu asked. She leaned against the back of the sofa casually, seeming to be like a laid-back tomboy to Kita.

"I play the violin, the piano, and the acoustic guitar," Kita said in a soft, quiet voice.

Yui bumped her shoulder. "And?"

Kita released a sigh. She hadn't wanted to tell them about her singing capabilities as she hated to sing in front of others. "I can do some vocals as well."

Eyebrows rose all around her and impressed murmurs made her turn a deeper shade of red.

"Did you bring any instruments?" Azusa asked next, her eyes darting keenly to Kita's bag.

"Sorry... I didn't think of that," Kita admitted guiltily.

Mugi pushed into the conversation quickly. "Would you like me to fill your tea? You still look a little ill."

Before Kita could answer, Yui's hand flew to her forehead to check her temperature. She looked closely at her pupils, then raised her wrist and felt her pulse.

Mio rolled her eyes and flicked Yui on the head. "She's not about to die, Yui. Relax."

Yui pouted as she sat back heavily on the couch. "I'm just taking care of my Kitty!"

"You've already nicknamed her, huh?" Ritsu asked, shaking her head an laughing.

Kita wondered if this was how it always was. Arguments, jokes, laughter, long-winded conversations. Would she fit in? She was already doubting herself.

"Hey, Kita." Mio was kneeling in front of her as Yui and Ritsu grappled playfully on the floor over the nickname, their harsh words already forgotten before they truly began. Mio ignored them and took Kita's hand lightly. "Are you alright now?"

"Yes," Kita lied, swallowing nervously. Everything was happening so fast. "Well... I still feel a little queasy."

Mio could relate to this girl with the fear and shyness, but she was much more emotional. Kita didn't seem the type to be able to withstand anything, and Mio felt sympathetic towards her. She sat down next to her.

"Would you like me to introduce everyone?" she asked.

Kita nodded, deciding it would be the perfect place to start. "Yes, thank you."

"Alright, I'm Mio, the bassist and vocalist," she said. She turned to stare down at the girl's grappling on the floor. "That idiot is the drummer, Ritsu, and you already know Yui."

Ritsu paused only to poke her tongue out at being called an idiot, then Yui was upon her again, pinning her to the ground as she burst out laughing, releasing a snot bubble from her nose.

"I'm Mugi, and I play the keyboard," Mugi said as she popped up at the side of the couch almost out of nowhere. She handed a refilled teacup to Kita who didn't even remember giving it to her.

"And I'm Azusa," Azusa said as she held onto a heavy guitar. It seemed she was the only one itching to play more music. It was already plugged in and ready.

Kita nodded her head as she looked at the small group, memorising their names. They were not what she had been expecting, this group of excited, musical, talented girls. They were friendly and inviting, if not a little full on in her opinion.

"So am I in the band?" she asked nervously, finding that she wasn't sure of the answer that she wanted anymore. Did she want this opportunity, or would she run again into the comfort but shadow of loneliness?

Ritsu was the one to answer. She leapt to her feet and stepped expertly out of the way, leaving Yui to run headlong into the wall. "Of course you are!" she said, giving Kita the 'thumbs up.'

Kita's heart skipped a beat and she felt a mix of joy and dread. It made her feel ill again and she sat back into the soft couch. Her mother would be proud of her. She would keep telling herself that and she would keep reminding herself that she didn't run away at the last minute, ignoring the fact that she couldn't have if she had wanted to because of the rocket Yui coming at her from behind.

"Alright then." Ritsu brushed her clothes clean. Once she was satisfied her hands went to the pair of drumsticks lying on the ground. She lifted them into the air triumphantly. "Let's go and play a welcoming song for our new member here, okay?"

Everyone agreed and hurried to gather their instruments expect for Yui who was still lying on the ground, clutching at her head. Mugi dragged her over to her space on the imaginary stage, handed her a piece of cake that she seemed to had conjured up out of thin air, then the guitar player was ready to go.

"Alright, Kitty! You ready?"

Kita wished she could share in the enthusiasm. Instead she simply nodded her head, trying not to provoke the sickness that swirled inside of her.

Ritsu counted the beginning on her drumsticks, then each instrument burst to life. The music was easy to listen to, a simply pop-rock song that made Kita keep in the beat with her feet. Yui and Mio sang and played their guitars as the others kept the beat roaring.

_This is wonderful, _Kita thought to herself. _I don't think I can play that well, though._

The music flowed through the room, filling the silence and lighting up the loneliness. Kita closed her eyes to forget the fact that she was in a room full of strangers that she was terrified of, and just listened. All of the sounds ran individually through her mind, coming together to form the uplifting song. She smiled. It made her feel better.

"Alright! What did you think, Kitty?"

Kita opened her eyes to find that the song was finished. They all looked to her for her opinion, all of them beaming and pumping with the energy.

"It was really good!" Kita answered honestly, rising to clap her hands with all of the enthusiasm she felt roiling inside of her. "I wish I had brought my instruments."

"Don't worry about it," Mugi said, coming over to collect the empty teacup. She lifted her head as she collected it from the floor, a twinkle in her eyes. "So you really enjoyed it?"

Kita nodded. "Yeah, it was great."

"Than why don't you show us something?" Ritsu asked. She placed her drumsticks back in her pocket before resting them on her hips. "Well, you said that you can sing, right? Let's hear a little something."

Immediately the world began to spin and Kita had to grip the edge of the couch. "S-sing?" Already she was being thrust into the main light to embarrass herself.

Ritsu raised an eyebrow. "Well we have to try you out on all of the instruments and your voice if your coming into the band."

Yui shot the drummer a look. "Ritsu, she's shy!"

"Just one tune can't be that bad."

Mio was the one to turn and glare at her this time. "She just got knocked out some time ago, Ritsu! Maybe she needs some rest for today."

Ritsu thought about this for a moment, and then crossed her arms. "I guess I didn't think of that. Sorry, Kita."

"No," Kita said quickly. She didn't want to make them argue with each other. That was the last thing she needed. "I-I'll sing if you really want me to."

"Please try," Ritsu said kindly this time, adjusting the microphone. "If it's too much though, you can stop," she added quickly.

Kita shuffled towards the microphone as the others took her seat on the couch. Everyone watched her excitedly, waiting for something amazing as she stepped into place. Her hands trembled and she held them steady at her side. She felt light, almost as though she were flying, but she knew it was her consciousness getting ready to flee.

"It's alright, Kitty!" Yui yelled out as though at a concert.

"Just take a deep breath before you start, okay?" Mio offered, constantly concerned..

"And don't worry about us," Azusa added.

"I have some more tea," Mugi said, holding up a brimming cup.

Ristu raised an eyebrow at her. "Again with the tea?"

Kita took Mio's advice and sucked in a great breath. She let it out slowly, took in another, and then released. It made her heart slow for a second, then it sped up again as soon as she looked at the faces of these strangers, these people that she had to please.

_Just calm down, _she said in her mind. _Calm breaths, calm thoughts. Just calm... calm..._

She began to hum a tune in her head, staring at the floor instead of at these girls. She hummed, then incorporated small words. They barely made a sound in the microphone, so she sang them louder, then louder again, and soon she was lost in the words that she released, words of loss and sorrow, words of the pain that her mother's dying form brought her and the hope she held onto. She sang out her secrets, secrets that only she and her mother knew, and the girl's sucked it all in with anticipation and silent expectations.

The door slammed open, and in walked Kita's worst nightmare. A woman of her darkest imaginations burst through the door, draped in dark gothic clothes with a white masked face. Black tears had been painted rolling down her cheeks and she wore bright red contacts. Plastic fangs protruded from her mouth, her smile being transformed into something evil. Even though Kita knew it was all fake, her heart had missed twenty too many beats, and she fainted dead away on the spot.

Mr's Sawa waved a bunch of matching pairs of clothes around in the air with the unfitting smile printed on her face. "Hey girls! Look at what I've spent all afternoon... making..." Her eyes had flicked to Kita lying on the floor and she trailed off.

"Mrs Sawa, you idiot!" Ritsu gasped, rushing to Kita's side with the rest of the girls.

Yui still hadn't learned the difference from unconscious and dead. She gripped Kita's shoulders and hugged her tightly. "Kitty!" she moaned.

Mio pushed Yui away and freed Kita from a death of suffocation. She gripped her shoulders and shook her lightly as Mugi appeared beside her with a cup of tea steaming.

"Uh, Mrs Sawa, we could really use your held here," Mio said as her attempt to shake consciousness back into the girl failed. Mugi placed the tea beside Kita and waited with her hands clasped together and Ritsu had to wrestle Yui back with Azusa's help so she wouldn't throw herself onto their new band member.

Mrs Sawa draped her clothes over the side of the couch and moved the rest of the girls out of the way as she examined the unconscious Kita. "Geez, what did you guys do to her to scare her this badly?" she asked as she tapped Kita lightly in the face.

"What did _we _do to her?" Ritsu gasped, stumbling back in shock as she released Yui. "You're the one who walked in dressed like a psychopathic vampire axe woman!"

Mrs Sawa glanced up from Kita with a frown on her face. "That's not the look I was going for," she whined, pouting.

"Umm, should we get her onto the couch or something?" Azusa suggested as Yui crumbled to her knees.

With all of the band members pitching in apart from a bawling Yui, they lifted Kita from the ground and heaved her onto the couch. Once she was calm again and assured by Azusa that 'Kitty' was breathing, Yui used her bag as a pillow and Mrs Sawa found a spare blanket in the closet to throw over Kita. Mugi had discarded her cup of tea idea and instead laid a wet cloth over her forehead.

Yui was in hysterics, but no longer was she planning an burial. "I can't believe how badly this has gone!" she cried out. "I didn't realise how easily she fainted!"

"Can you blame her?" Mio asked as she stood some metres away from Mrs Sawa, watching her fearfully with a trembling body.  
"Always the scared-y-cat!" Ritsu laughed.

"Shut up!"

"Girls, girls, please," Mrs Sawa sighed, pulling up a chair at the side of the couch. "All she'll need when she wakes up is quiet."

"I don't think she wants to wake up to a vampire again," Azusa pointed out, making a valid point.

"Oh yeah, this stuff." Mr's Sawa ran a finger through her thick makeup, leaving a normal line of pink. "I guess I had better disappear for now and wash this stuff off. Come and get me if anything goes wrong, alright?" With one last glance at Kita she left her to the very capable hands of the band (excluding Mugi and Yui).

Yui immediately took the seat and grasped Kita's hands in her own. "Oh Kitty, please, please, _please _don't die on me!"

Mio stared at the scene with scarce belief at how badly it had all gone. She slapped a hand to her forehead as the other girl's though the same thing as her. "This is a disaster."

Kita awoke to a whining voice begging her to hold on to life and stay away from the selfish light. It sounded familiar and fresh in her mind.

"Yui?"

Gasps of relief came from all around her, and she opened her eyes to find the entire band surrounding her like earlier. The first face she noticed was Yui's, tear streaked and pale.

"Than God, Kitty!" she moaned, throwing herself onto the weak girl.

"Remember, Yui, take it easy with her," Mio warned, bewildered that Yui still had the energy to act so heartbroken.

Ritsu shook her head in disbelief. "Kita, fainting twice in one day can't be good for you, seriously." She was relaxed now that Kita was awake though, and sat back on her hands on the floor.

Before Kita could even react to the new attention that she was receiving yet again, Mugi had a cup of tea hovering near her.

"I put some sugar in it to try and wake you up a little," she said. She helped Kita sit up with a gentle hold and pressed it to her lips. "Here, drink some."

She certainly had added some sugar. The tea was pulsing with sweetness on Kita's tongue, yet it worked wonders immediately. Her strength returned with her first swallow, and she drowned it, desperate for more before she was overcome by her frightened nature again.

Kita was not used to being nurtured, yet these girls whom were little more than strangers were taking care of her as though she were one of their own in the group. She thought about it for a second and realised that she was one of them. She was in the band now. How did she feel? Nervous enough to almost vomit up the tea again.

"Sorry about Mrs Sawa," Azusa apologised, standing at the side of the couch and leaning over she back. "She scared me when I first joined the club too. I saw the old photo of her and screamed."

"Photo?" Kita's stomach lurched. How could anything be worse than what she had seen? The teacher had been the most gothic, frightening woman her eyes had ever set upon in her sheltered life.

Yui was holding something in front of her face, and as Kita's eyes focused, she leapt back hard into the arm of the chair with a yelp. It was an image of the woman with streaked hair, piercings, black leather clothes, and that smile of evil.

Mio snatched the photo from Yui's hands. "Don't show her that!"

"Sorry, Kitty," Yui said, yet she looked amused. "She used to be in this club, and we found out last year with this as evidence."

"She used to be in this club?" Kita repeated, shaking. Did that mean that a part of the club description was to be exactly like her?

"That's an old photo, don't worry." Mrs Sawa stepped through the door again without an invitation. Kita recognised the voice and stuffed her face into the cushions on the couch. She couldn't stand to see her again. She wouldn't be able to handle another scare.

"Don't worry, Kita. I look normal now, okay? Goddess-like, wouldn't you say?"

Kita managed to lift her eyes and glance at the woman, shocked to see that she was no longer hiding behind the makeup. She was quiet pretty without it, even beautiful, and her cocky opinion of goddess-like wasn't far off either. Kita stared at her with her mouth hanging open. With her long, flowing brown hair, innocent glasses, sparkling eyes, and slim body, she was unlike any teacher she had imagined.

"Quiet a transformation, huh?" Yui asked.

That was an understatement, Kita wanted to say. Instead she sat back up and nodded, keeping her eyes down. She was still afraid of her. She was unpredictable and could easily change back. Besides, she was older than the other girls, and authority was enough to keep Kita's head down.

Everyone gathered on the couch again, Mrs Sawa left to sit on the floor and Kita squeezed painfully in the middle of her new band members. All in all the first impression had been pretty terrible. Kita had fainted twice, she was sure that she had let them down with her weak personality, and she was terrified of the woman that was teaching them, Mrs Sawa.

It was only about to get worse.

"Your voice, Kita," Mrs Sawa began. "It's a little low when I was listening in so I thought it was Mio for a second. If you want, I could teach you to turn it up a little." She tilted her head to the side, smiling sweetly.

Kita wasn't sure how to tell her that she was afraid to be taught by someone who could easily transform herself into a demon of sorts. There was no way she could say that, so she nodded her head lightly. "O-okay."

"I'll give you time until you're ready, of course," Mrs Sawa added. She got to her feet and stretched out her arms lazily. "Alright girl's, you'd all better go on home. You've been here for ages, and I have to clean up before tomorrow. You don't want to stick around for that."

"You're letting us off?" Ritsu asked in shock, her mouth hanging open.

Mrs Sawa shrugged her shoulders. "Go and take out the new girl for some ice-cream of something. Show her how awesome the Light Music Club really is."

Kita's hand shot up as though she were in class. She went bright red, but she felt it was the only way to speak up in this group of girls. "Uhh, actually, I have to get home. Right now. I'm, uh... really busy."

She could tell by the looks on the other girl's faces that they didn't buy her lie, and she felt her heart clench. She knew they were trying to make her feel welcome, but she had had enough for the day.

"I'll take you home," Yui said, getting to her feet.

"No, no, I'll be okay," Kita said, getting up quickly with her bag. Though she would have loved for Yui to walk with her, she was stopping by the hospital, and she wasn't ready to tell these people, not even her first friend, about her mother.

The girl's pressed.

"Are you sure you'll be alright, Kita?" Mio asked, her motherly side showing.

"Yeah, you passed out twice," Ritsu added, lifting two fingers.

Kita was already out of the door though, saying, "I'll be fine," over her shoulder before she disappeared into the hall.

Silence ensued, only to be broken by Mugi.

"I wonder if I should have given her more tea..."

_Author's Note – I know it's a tad long, and I am really sorry! Not all of them will drag on like this, but I felt it was a really important part of the story to kick it off. Please keep reading! :)_

_ By the way, I know I am focusing on the dialogue in this a lot. I am not used to writing based on the dialogue, but seeing as the group is large with seven members including Mrs Sawa and Kita, I have focused on the speech as it would make more sense. Not every chapter will be focused on that so much, so don't worry if you don't like it._

_ ShatterdHeart98_


	4. The Song

**Chapter Four**

**The Song**

The club members sat in a tight group once Kita had left quiet abruptly. All of them were sure that it meant she wasn't willing to stay, but Yui had confidence in Kita.

"She didn't say that she was leaving yet, so lets not jump to conclusions," she reminded them.

"When can you speak to her again?" Mio asked her, desperate for the certain answer. "Don't you meet up with her in the bathroom?"

"The bathroom?" Mrs Sawa wore a mischievous smile. "Getting to know her a little better than the rest of us, eh Yui?"

"What? No! It's just the only place in the school that she can find without getting lost."

"Nice excuse."

Azusa broke into the conversation before Yui could retaliate. "At any rate, you need to speak to her, Yui. Try and get her to stay with us if she is having second thoughts."

Yui pressed a flat hand to her forehead in salute. "Of course, commander!"

For her efforts at being a smartass, she received a couch cushion to the face.

"If she does decide to stay, you girls have to be gentle with her," Mrs Sawa reminded them sternly as Yui pretended to be writhing in pain as she clutched her face.

Ritsu sat with her back against the bottom of the sofa. She tapped her drumsticks against her knee lazily. "I agree, but it's going to be difficult with her fainting and hyperventilating all of time," she said with a hint of frustration.

"I hate to, but I have to agree," Mio said, sighing. "We shouldn't speak like that, though. We're lucky she agreed to join in the first place, being so shy and all."

All of the girls fell into silence, but their opinions were in the air around them. They were worried about her state of mind and personality, but they were also desperate for a new member of the band. She could quiet easily become a dead weight on their shoulders, though, and neither of them wanted to admit this aloud.

"We'll teach her and make her stronger," Mugi said with unusual authority. All eyes turned to her but she held her determination. "If we work together, we can make her believe in herself, right?"

All of them exchanged glances, then one by one they nodded. They had travelled so far in their path of music together, so why would this be any different?

Of course, they had no idea what lied ahead of them.

The next day Yui found Kita in their usual meeting spot in the bathroom. At first Yui launched right to the point, grasping Kita's arm and practically begging her to stay.

"Oh, Kitty! Please, please, _please _stay with us! You were just nervous yesterday, and we were unprepared..." She trailed off as she focused properly on Kita.

Kita's eyes looked as though they were retreating into her skull. Thick black rings surrounded them, the whites of her eyes a puffy red. She looked as though she had been crying through the night instead of getting a good amount of sleep and forgetting the day.

"Kitty, what happened to you?" Yui asked, grasping her other arm lightly.

"Nothing," Kita lied. She had stayed up the entire night doing just what Yui suspected. She had been crying her eyes out about how pathetic she had been and how embarrassed she was, but she also cried for her mother. She always cried for her mother. Morning came and her tears ran out, but she had no will for sleep.

Yui pulled Kita into a hug, surprised at how weak and lifeless she was. ""Oh Kitty."

"You know, I'm still willing to stay in your club," Kita said as she rested her head on Yui's shoulder. She hadn't been hugged in a long time, and she wished that this embrace was last forever. It reminded her of how warm people could be.

Yui didn't release her, fearing that she would crumple to the ground. "The girls will be really glad to hear that. They really want to help you, you know."

Kita didn't think she would ever hear those words, and she wasn't sure if she believed them. That was how her mind worked. It picked things apart and took time to analyse them and believe them completely. Her first reaction was usually assuming the worst.

Yui slowly and carefully let Kita go, but she held onto her shoulder. "Do you want to spend the day in the medical office?" she offered. "I can get Mrs Sawa to write you a note."

"No!" Kita spoke the word so quickly that several girls that were passing through stopped to stare for a moment.

Yui's eyebrows rose. "Why?"

I... I'm scared of her," Kita muttered, casting her eyes to the floor. Could she be blamed after what had happened yesterday?"

Yui had to fight back a laugh. She remembered first seeing the photo of Mrs Sawa and how she had jumped back half a metre, but her shock soon disappeared as she became used to the woman's gentle and motherly side. She was just like a part of the group. "You'll get used to her, don't worry Kitty."

Kita brought her arms around her frail body and shivered at the traumatising memory of the teacher rushing in dressed like a creature from the darkest depths of her imagination.

"Hmm... Maybe we can just keep her away from you until you're ready then, alright?" Yui offered.

It seemed to calm Kita somewhat, and she dropped her arms to her sides.

The bell rang for the first lesson and students began to file out. Yui was swept away by the small crowd of girls but managed to shout out to Kita. "You'll be at the club today, right?"

Kita hesitated for a moment. She had been planning on missing it for today. Being rendered unconscious twice had left her with a headache, and she wanted to rest as soon as she got home from the hospital which meant she would have to visit her mother earlier. However, Yui looked desperate, and by the sounds of things the other girls wanted her there as well. That much she believed.

"Yeah," she said, deciding that this opportunity was still too much to pass up. "I'll be there."

Kita found herself in exactly the same place as yesterday. She was standing before the door of the music club, her knees buckling, her heart racing. There were voices inside, too quiet to understand. She took in a deep breath, convincing herself that they weren't about her.

She wondered if she would ever get used to this.

"Hey, you beat me again, Kitty!"

Kita turned to find Yui walked up the steps with her guitar slung over her back. She almost sighed with relief. Now she wouldn't have to enter alone.

Yui stopped in front of the door beside Kita. "You ready?" she asked, standing straight with her head held high.

Kita wished she could be as confident as Yui. "Yeah," she whispered.

"Then get ready for day two!" Yui pushed open the door on that welcoming note and strode into the Light Music Club room.

Mio, Ritsu, Mugi, and Azusa were all sitting at the table with an assortment of cakes and steaming cups of tea before them. Their chatter stopped as Yui walked in, Kita trying hard to hide behind her.

The girls all greeted Yui, but they had to bend over their chairs to wave to Kita.

Mio straightened with a frown on her face. "Uhh... is she going to be hiding like that all day?"

Yui looked over her shoulder at Kita and smiled. "Don't worry, these guys are nice, remember?"

Kita forced her feet to step around Yui and faced them. She raised a hand in greeting, then froze as she noticed their staring eyes and surprised faces.

"Kita, you look so ill," Mugi said, standing up with a cup of tea at the ready in her hands.

Kita shook her head and subconsciously stepped back away from them. "No, don't worry about it. I just didn't sleep that well, that's all."

"Have you slept for the past month?" Ritsu asked, her eyes wide.

Kita was about to blurt out the truth, which was that she barely had, but last night had done all of the damage. She had another worry that had kept her awake besides her mother, and that was the club.

Mio was on her feet, approaching. "Kita, are you sure you can handle today?" she asked seriously. "If you can't then you can just listen to us play again. We don't want to rush you."

Mio was taking the first steps at slowly beckoning Kita into the group. She was usually impatient and constantly needed thing to be done right away, but she was willing to give this idea a try and took the first step for the entire group.

Azusa stood with her. "Yeah, sit down and relax as much as you want. That's what Ritsu and Yui do all the time anyway."

Both girls gave looks of utter shock, then ran to each other with fake tears.

"Stop picking on us!" Ritsu yelled, pouting.

"Yeah! You're the ones always eating cakes!" Yui added, sulking.

"U-us?" Mio gasped, her eyes bulging. "Are you kidding me?"

Before she could stop herself, Kita had burst out laughing. She couldn't help it. Their faces were just too much for her.

The group exchanged smiles. It was a success so far, and they hadn't even needed to try. All they had to do was be themselves.

Then Yui pointed something out that made Kita's laughter stop. "You didn't bring any instruments again, did you?"

Kita's heart skipped a beat. "Oh, sorry. I forgot again." She felt herself going red. "I-I didn't do it on purpose. I'm really sorry."

"No, don't worry about it," Mugi said, coming over with the tea still in her hands. "You can borrow my keyboard and use your piano skills."

"Or maybe you could sing again?" Ritsu offered.

Instantly Mio's eyes bored into her. "Does she look like she can handle something like that in this state?"

"But we need another vocalist," Ritsu reminded her.

Azusa stepped in with her hands held up in front of her. "Please don't argue when we have a new member," she begged.

Kita could see it happening, an argument breaking out because of her. She felt the guilt like yesterday. She had joined their club to play music, yet she was too afraid to sing and was too forgetful to remember her instruments. She was already off to a bad start, and she didn't want to make it worse.

"I'll sing again, so please don't yell at each other," she said quickly, her shaking hands clutched together.

Yui came over to her, her hands reached out to grasp her shoulders. "Kitty, are you sure? We really don't mind if you don't want to sing."

Kita knew that they did mind. They were desperate for a new singer more than anything else, and they needed her voice. She needed to impress them. "I'll do it, Yui. Don't worry."

"Have some tea first!" Mugi demanded, handing her the cup. She refused to let her take a step until she had drunk it all, so she forced it down her dry throat fast.

"What song will you sing?" Ritsu asked as she set up the microphone for Kita. It was the first time any of them had seen her willing, but she was aware of how much they needed another voice in their songs. She was in a hurry to prepare the girl and get her brave enough to at least show them her voice.

Kita thought for a moment, wanting to sing a song that required a soft voice. She felt better when she started off slow and light, so she sifted through all of the suitable songs in her imaginary file.

Finally, she found one.

When Yui's mother had first been admitted to the hospital, things had looked bad for her. The doctors hadn't been able to hide the fact that she could very well die even though Kita was too young for such information. She had cried and cried at her mother's bedside as the woman she needed the most lay unconscious. Soon the tears began to lessen, and the sobs turned into words. She didn't know why she sang or where the song came from, but her heart was in every word, and her mother opened her eyes for the first time in days.

"Kita? Are you okay?"

Kita blinked and realised that Mio was staring at her closely.

"S-sorry!" she gasped. "I was just daydreaming for a second."

Ristu was standing at the microphone, her hands on her hips. "Maybe we should get some cushions on the ground in case she faints again," she suggested.

"Maybe I should give her some cake?" Mugi added to the ideas, changing her mind from the tea for once.

Kita shook her head. She didn't want them to fuss over her. "No, no, It's alright. I'll be fine as long as long as Mrs Sawa doesn't come in."

Immediately Yui rushed over to the door and locked it. "There we go. Now it's just us."

_Just us. _Those words made Kita's small flames of confidence dwindle, but she couldn't back out now. _Just one song and it'll be over. One song and you can go to the hospital. They can't be mad about that._

Ritsu turned the microphone an inch more so they would be able to see Kita better when she sang. "Well, if you're ready, go for it."

Just like yesterday, the girls piled onto the couch and snacked on cake. Kita stepped up to the microphone, her usual nervous reactions taking place inside of her. She gripped the microphone hard, the holder pressing into her skin.

"Deep breaths," Mio reminded her.

Yui tried to share her own words of comfort, but they were lost in translation as her mouth was stuffed with cake.

_They're all counting on me, _Kita reminded herself. _I have to show them that I'm willing to try, and I have to show myself._

She placed her other hand over the microphone and sang the first words. Again her voice started as barely more than a whisper, but as the first memory of her mother lying in that hospital bed rose before her eyes, her voice became stronger.

_The machines surrounding her mother whirred and beeped. Each time they made a sound, Kita jumped in alarm. She felt her heart pumping fast in her chest, and she became hyper aware of everything._

The girls on the couch slowly began to smile as Kita's voice became louder and clearer. This was her own song, and they began to realise that they had also found another lyricist.

Kita's voice echoed in her mind as well as she began to sing that day in the hospital.

_ "Rain that slowly falls down on me."_

_ "None of it can wash away the tears I cry."_

_ "This world will spin after you have flown away."_

_ "And I am left with the memory of your shining wings."_

Kita's eyes began to close as she blocked out the world and focused on her memory. She saw her mother's face, pale white, her mouth an emotionless line. Her breaths were short and forced, and Kita was sure she could see her life draining away.

_"Shut them all away."_

_ "Lock the memories in my heart."_

_ "Break down the dawn today."_

_ "And forget who you are."_

Even as the tears started to flow in reality and she heard the girl's begin to whisper in urgency, she continued to sing. The lyrics of the song had remained in her head since that day, and she felt the familiar itch to let them out.

_"They speak as though they don't know that I am there."_

_ "I am a shadow that walks with no place but despair."_

_ "Every beat of my heart is a closer step to the end."_

_ I have nothing more in my life to defend."_

"Kita, stop."

Kita's memory of her mother shattered in her mind's eye, and reality crashed back into her. She fell back a startled step, but Mio caught her around the shoulders.

"That's enough, Kita," she said softly. "You can stop now."

Tears rolled down Kita's face, tears that she couldn't hide. She brushed them away hastily as the other striken girls approached.

"Kitty!" Yui cried, pulling her into a suffocating hug again. "Don't sing songs that make you cry!"

An embarrassed Ristu scratched her neck absently. "I didn't mean to pressure you into something sad like that," she admitted.

Kita's cheeks blushed and she wiped again at her shining eyes. "Don't worry about it, really. It just... made me remember something from my childhood." She stepped carefully, still wanting the information of her mother to stay close to herself.

Mugi pushed past Yui with a piece of cake at the end of her fork. "Open wide. This'll make you feel better."

Knowing she wouldn't be able to get out of it, Kita opened her mouth obediently and allowed Mugi to feed her. The cake was bland as the memory remained to plague her, but she forced a smile onto her face and pretended it had cured her problems completely.

If only it could make her mother better.

"Here." Azusa handed her a tissue. She held onto the box just in-case more were needed.

"Thank you, everyone," Kita said quietly, unsure of where this odd sympathy they showed came from. "Really, though, I'm okay."

"What happened to you that was so bad you had to cry when you sang that song?" Ritsu asked.

Kita shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing. Don't worry about it." She felt the need to run away again, to get out away from these people before they found out what was really tainting her inside. Her eyes went to the door.

"You're not leaving, are you?" Yui asked, knowing how unstable Kita looked before the bolted.

"I have to, I'm sorry."

Mio released her shoulders. "It's alright. You did really well today, Kita. You have a really good voice, and those lyrics were amazing."

Kita waved her hand loosely. "No, it was just some old silly song that I thought of years ago. It's nothing to praise."

Mugi had gathered Kita's bag and passed it to her with a wrapped up piece of cake sitting on top. "For the walk home," she said with a sweet smile.

Kita took the cake and her bag gratefully and headed towards the door. She stopped and turned back to them all for a moment. "Everyone, I still want to stay in this club if you'll allow me."

They all nodded enthusiastically.

"Come back when you can, okay?" Yui said, though it sounded more like an order.

They all still looked unsure, as though wondering if she was really okay. However, they knew they couldn't keep her there against her will. They waved goodbye, hoping that the next time they would meet, she would be perhaps at least a little stronger.

Kita disappeared out of the door, and again an awkward silence fell.

Everyone was thinking the same thing: _What past tragedy had made her so sad?_


	5. Breaking the Ice

**Chapter Five**

**Breaking the Ice**

The rain and wind outside buffeted against the window harshly. Kita sat beside it, her hand resting against the sill as she watcher her mother's every breath. She knew that she was supposed to be at school, but some days she was allowed to spend her time at the hospital. She had told the principle of her absence and her reason, the only person she could tell, and was given the 'okay.'

She often only thought of her mother at times like this. She didn't worry about the responsibilities she had to take on such as when she would fit in her homework with the chores, or when the next bill was due. However, this time was different. This time she found herself wondering about the Light Music Club and her performance yesterday.

Somehow she had expected them to be cruel about her song, and yet again she had been proven wrong. They had showed her sympathy and kindness, and she wondered when she would accept that maybe they were good people after all. Perhaps never. She was too well protected behind her shield.

A roar of thunder seemed to shake the foundations of the hospital, and Kita's mother's eyes shot open.

Kita was at her side in a second. "Mother? Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Her mother's clammy hand pat her gently on the arm. "Don't worry... yourself, Kita... I was just... startled..."

"Mum..." She was getting worse. She could barely speak now without pausing between words. Kita had to force herself to stay standing instead of crumpling to the floor. Giving up was so easy, but as soon as she did, her mother would follow.

"How did... things go yesterday? Have you... become friends with them... yet?" her mother asked, her voice hoarse.

Kita blinked hard, loosening the tears in her eyes. Before they fell she wiped them away with her hands. "I don't know if they like me enough to call me a friend, but I sang for them and they seemed to like it. They seem to be genuinely caring."

"Is that... so?" Her mother's smile would always bring light into her no matter how dim it was. "You stepped out of... your comfort... and sang for them... I am proud of you... Kita..."

"Thank you, mum. Really, I love making you happy. That's all I want." Kita had to swallow down a sob that rose in her throat. Her mother caught her distress and her hand lifted to touch her daughters. She was cold an Kita warmed her hand with her own.

"Don't cry for me, Kita... Please... just be yourself... because I won't go... anywhere."

Those words stayed with her, the promise that she wouldn't leave. It kept Kita from the dark despair that lingered around her heart, and she delved in the light of comfort it offered.

At the end of the day Kita left the hospital for the school. Rain fell upon me, her coat doing nothing to keep it out. Her fringe was mattered in front of her eyes and she soon gave up from wiping away the soaking strands. She kept her head down and walked on.

Kita hated to leave her mother in the condition she was in. It pained her, and she could see the matching longing in the dying woman's eyes for her to stay, but it had been her mother in the end whom had persuaded her to go through with the promise she had made to herself that morning and head down to the club.

She glanced down at her watch, shielding it with a hand. It was almost time for the school day to end and the clubs to begin. Her step quickened. She needed to be there to prove to them that she was serious, and to prove to herself, yet again, that she really could commit herself to something that she feared. She could open up. She _could._

The school bell rang in her ears as she faced it around the corner. Girls exited through the gates where she ran past into the school. They stared at her, the drenched, miserable, lonely girl whom looked like she was desperate to get some learning done. Kita ignored their piercing eyes and raced into the building.

She was getting used to where the music room was already, and found it within minutes. She panted as she reached the door, but didn't let herself hesitate this time. She pushed open the door, looked about the room to make sure that she wasn't too late, and then cried out like a little girl.

Mrs Sawa was standing next to Yui, gripping her guitar and slamming her fingertips down on the metallic strings. She resembled the photo so much that Kita's nightmares erupted before her again and twisted reality. Mrs Sawa had her tongue poking out, forked at the end. Her eyes were wild with a burning red fire. She wore chain and black clothes as a blaze danced behind her. Slowly she lifted her head.

"It's Kita, right?"

Kita jerked back to the real world and the photographs impression was gone. In it's place was Mrs Sawa, a normal teacher if not still unusually attractive.

"No sudden movements, Mrs Sawa." Ritsu warned, holding her hands up for emphasis "She scares easily."

Mrs Sawa handed back the guitar to Yui and stepped closed to Kita, taking Ritsu's advice and using slow movements. Kita felt a little insulted, but she was also calmed. "I'm Mrs Sawa to you girls." The teacher said. "Its nice to meet you properly this time, Kita." She extended a hand.

Kita reached out and shook her hand formally. She felt a little better about her, seeing the side of her that was kind and not psychopathic and twisted.

"It's nice to see you're not fainting this time," Azusa said, stepping over to the teacher and the new band member with her guitar cradled in her hands. "And it's good to see you turned up to the band practice today. We were all wondering where you were."

Ritsu snorted from where she sat against the couch. "No one wondered as much as Yui, though."

Kita turned to Yui who had gone bright red. "I.. I thought you might have quiet the club," she muttered.

Her constant concern for Kita, whether focused on her position in the band or not, was touching. At least she could be certain that Yui was her friend. "No, I'm still willing to stay if you can all put up with my fainting and such."

It was then that she caught the flickering glances between them all. Mio, whom had been watching from her place at the microphone bored her eyes into Ritsu's back until she turned and gave the slightest nod. From across the room Azusa gave them both a silent look, and Mugi, whom had been drinking tea at the table, glanced at all three of them with the faintest of smiles. Then everything went back to normal.

Kita cleared her throat, trying to calm herself down as her mind filled with the worst thoughts. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

Mio jumped in surprise at her question and shook her head quickly. "No, no, it's just... Well..."

Ritsu, never one to miss a beat, took over for her. "We wanted to know what upset you so much yesterday when you sang that song."

Kita had misjudged their looks. She was sure that they were considering kicking her from the club because of her shy and cowardly personality, but instead they were wondering something else that turned her heart to ice. They wanted the truth.

"I told you... It was something from my childhood," she said quietly, turning her shoulder to them to try and shake them from her back.

Yui came over, pushing past Mrs Sawa who looked saddened by Kita's reaction. "Kitty, don't be like that! You can tell us no matter how bad it is!"

"No, Yui," Mio said sternly, coming over from the side of the room. "I was just worried that it may effect her if we had her sing it again." She gave Kita a warm smile. "You see, we think you did really well. The lyrics were fantastic, and so was your voice. I was just worried that if we were to add it to our song list, that you wouldn't be able to play it again without becoming emotional."

Ritsu sighed and slapped a hand to her forehead. "Sorry, I guess I just got curious and said the wrong thing. Still, you really don't want to tell us?"

Mio shot her one of her 'shut-up' looks. "She doesn't have to if it bothers her."

Kita shook her head . "Sorry, but it's a little personal. I can play it again if you liked it that much though. I can handle it."

It was Mugi's turn to be motherly. She rose form the table and came over with a fresh cup of tea ready for Kita. "Are you sure? We don't want to press it on you."

It took some convincing and cups of tea to let them know that if it came to it, Kita would even be able to play it live let alone in this club room. Of course, she had barely thought of playing in front of anyone other than these girls, and once they had mentioned school performances it seemed so obvious that it was compulsory. She shoved it in the back of my mind. She could worry about that later. _Much _later.

Kita settled into the warmth of the room, Ristu acting like a gentleman despite her gender and taking her coat to hang up. She sat at the table with ll of the girls and Mrs Sawa eating cake and drinking tea as they discussed the day's practice.

"I think we should play something together today," Azusa suggested, jumping into the deep end. "You brought an instrument this time, right Kita?"

Kita had been carrying around a violin tucked away in her coat. She had strapped it on the inside and pulled it out from the hanger. She opened it up at the table to reveal a gleaming dark wood violin.

"Wow, it's beautiful," Mio breathed, her fingers resting some inches away as though she were afraid she would stain it with her touch. "How much did it cost?"

Kita shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "I got it years ago as a birthday present, so I have no idea."

"It looks expensive." Yui hovered over her shoulder, peering closely at the instrument with hunger in her eyes. "I wish I could play."

"Well, this is perfect!" Mugi exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "Now we can all play together, right?"

Excitement broke out at the table, but in one corner it was dimmed. Yui and Ritsu laid back lazily in their chairs, moaning.

"It's too cold!" Ritsu cried.

"I'm too tired!" Yui added.

Azusa crossed her arms over her chest. "Ritsu, I thought you were in a hurry to get a new band member who could sing and play different instruments."

Ritsu let out another moan. "I changed my mind. She's already great. She doesn't need practice."

Kita took a moment to glance at Mrs Sawa, wondering if she would step in. Instead she snacked on a smooth spoonful of pudding, watching with an amused smile on her face. Was she teaching them to sort it out on their own, or using it as entertainment?

Mio looked as though the vein in her neck would explode. She stood up quickly from her chair and took a deep breath before the storm came. "You two will get up and play something, or I will ban you from having cakes for a month, president or not!"

This caught their attention. They both leapt out of her chairs and scrambled to their instruments. Yui's hands were flying as they attacked the strings, and Ritsu was a blur behind the drums. Never had Kita seen them so energetic.

With an ambulance on dial in-case the pair went completely out of control, Mio strode over to her own guitar and slipped the strap over her body. "Come on everyone. Lets show Mrs Sawa how good we've all become. Also, Kita, Azusa made this for you last night."

Mio handed the new girl a music sheet for the violin that matched their song. Kita skimmed the paper with a smile growing on her face. She would be able to play perfectly now. She looked up to see Azusa giving her an encouraging grin.

"Thank you," Kita said, grasping her violin to join the others.

"Azusa's really talented when it comes to writing down music like that," Yui said, itching to play now that she was off of her backside with her guitar in her arms.

Azusa's face went red and she shook her head quickly. "No, I just happened to have learnt the violin when I was very young. It broke a few years later though and I never bothered to buy a new one again. I'm probably awful at playing it now."

"Enough talk, more playing!" Ritsu ordered, her hands swinging with the drum sticks tight in her grasp. "My cakes in danger of Mrs Sawa's mouth right now!"

From across the room, Mrs Sawa sat at the table, frozen with her hand in the ceased process of dragging Ritsu's loaded plate towards her. She quickly straightened and pushed it away, putting on an innocent face. "Alright girls, show me what you can do!" she said with exaggerated enthusiasm.

"Figures," Ritsu muttered. She lifted her drumsticks into the air and began to countdown.

Just before the music started, Yui gave Kita the 'thumbs up,' and mouthed _you'll do great._

Kita stood behind Mio to the left where she was in view of the entire audience that today thankfully only consisted of Mrs Sawa. Already she could feel her stage nerves, but knowing that these girls were counting on her and that Yui believed in her fed her bravery.

The countdown began. Ritsu's voice carried through the room. "One...Two... Three... Four!"

Kita glued her eyes to the sheet that rested on a stand before her. She blocked out the rest of the music as best she could, but it was like barricading a stampeding beast behind a block of wood. Her concentration broke, but her hands knew what they were doing. She played each note with furious desperation.

The melodies and tones all faded together around her, but her sound was the loudest, ringing in her very heart. Each stroke over the strings was another cry from her violin, a short happy cry that told the gleeful story of the song.

Every time Kita played the violin she became lost in the music. She no longer had to think or focus. She simply let her hands guide the bow over the violin. It answered her call and gave her the tones that she summoned.

The final notes for her violin came. She dragged out the last to lead the song to its finish, taking it from the clutches of the other girls and controlling it on her own. As the other instruments faded out and she continued, she became aware that they were all concentrating on her.

_Be strong, be strong! _She urged herself inside. _Just a few more seconds and its over!_

She let the note sing for a few more hurried heartbeats, then lifted the bow. It was over. She had done it, and as applause erupted around her felt pride swelling inside of her.

"Well done, Kita!" Mio was at Kita's side, standing proud and tall. Yui threw herself into Kita's arms and hung off of her like a monkey.

Ritsu was at the table, nibbling on the cake she had saved from Mrs Sawa's sticky fingers. "Good work! It sounded awesome!"

Mugi had another cup of tea ready that she almost spilled in her hurry towards Kita. "Here," she said, straightening herself. "Just in case it was too much. You can never be too sure."

Azusa pushed into the small group and grasped Kita's shoulder affectionately. "I don't think that couldn't have gone any better."

Kita wasn't used to this praise and pride. She hugged her violin tighter to her chest and gave small words of gratitude. She had been accepted and the feeling was enough to make her want to both cry in glee and vomit in embarrassment. She shrunk away from their staring eyes and stepped back, but gentle hands caught her arms.

"Hey, you don't need to run away," Mrs Sawa said as she held Kita softly. "That was some of the best music I have heard in this room."

"Does that mean the rest of the music was horrible?" Yui asked with her face already pulled into a pout.

Mrs Sawa lifted her hands from Kita in a stance of defence. "No, that's not it! I just think it was missing something, and Kita here is that missing link." Her hands fell again onto Kita's shoulders as though presenting her.

The other girls all stood back to get a good look at the new face in their group. Ritsu and Yui both stood together to picture her on a poster, whilst Azusa gave her words of encouragement. To Kita, they looked as equally amazed in her as she was in herself.

Mrs Sawa pulled away from Kita and stood with her hands on her hips, smiling. "You know, I don't think there was anything wrong with the way you played, but there are some things that I could still teach you."

Kita's pulse suddenly throbbed rapidly. She was no longer afraid of this woman, but she knew her even less than the rest of the girls in the band. She swallowed, trying to soothe her dry throat. "I-uhh... Are you sure? I mean... I don't want to trouble you."

"Don't worry about it," Mrs Sawa assured her. "I haven't played the violin for years, and I would love to get my hands on one again." She spoke quiet literally, her hands reaching out hungrily for Kita's instrument. "And yours is so shiny and beautiful..."

Mio cleared her throat and Mrs Sawa paused. "Um, Mrs Sawa, we would appreciate it if you didn't scare off our new band member."

_New band member. _Kita had never realised how nice the name sounded. She tasted it on her tongue as she whispered it to herself. "New band member."

"You never let me have any fun!" Mrs Sawa argued. She let out a long breath before straightening up. "Well, what do you say about that, Kita? Would you like me to teach you?"

Kita couldn't see a safe way out of this. She couldn't say 'no' to a teacher and she was sure that she could use some extra hints to keep up with the band's style of music. "Okay. I could use some practice."

Mrs Sawa's eyes brightened. "Good! I may be a little rusty, but I think I could still remember how to play the bow with my teeth, or to death scream while playing. " Seeing Kita's horrified face, she quickly stepped back. "Sorry, sorry, I'll keep it basic for you."

Mrs Sawa meant business when she announced teaching Kita. She immediately got to work, pulling Kita over to the side as the girls split, Azusa and Mio tuning their instruments and the other three snacking at the table.

"Hold the bow tighter for this part. Not too tight. Here, that's it." Mrs Sawa grasped Kita's hands gently and squeezed her fingers tighter over the wood. "Now strum it across fast three times in the centre of the strings."

Kita decided that Mrs Sawa was not as frightening as she had initially thought. She was friendly with her instructions and guided her with gentle hands and words. Kita knew that the woman was being careful not to provoke her dark emotions. She appreciated this of course, and it was that gratitude that calmed her.

Mio watched Kita as she sat on the couch beside Mugi, taking a short break. The pair of them sipped their tea in silent but comfortable company. Mio was too busy thinking about Kita to strike up a conversation. Thoughts swirled through her head, always resting on the little information she had on this girl. She was such a closed up person, revealing only tiny pieces of herself and keeping much of it behind impenetrable walls.

"She's sweet, isn't she," Mugi said. It wasn't a question.

"You mean Kita?" Mio asked.

Mugi nodded her head. She set her tea cup back onto the small circular plate and glanced at Kita as she nodded her head to Mrs Sawa's questions. "She is the shyest person I have ever met, but at least she is opening up to one of us."

Mio shook her head. "Opening up or doing what she's told? Mugi, I'm not sure about her. Is she strong enough to play in a band? She faints at almost everything, she always looks sick, and she has a secretive past that puts her in tears."

"Are you regretting allowing her in our band?" Mugi asked, looking a little saddened.

Mio shook her head again. "No, that's not it. I just don't want to see her getting hurt emotionally of physically. Also, I don't want her to put a weight on our band, intentionally or not. I don't want any of us to suffer out of this decision."

"So what should we do?" a voice suddenly asked.

Both Mugi and Mio jumped as Yui appeared at the side of the couch.

"Well, what should we do?" she asked again.

Mio laid back again as she calmed from the surprise and turned to watch Kita. "We wait and see what happens, I guess. I really do want to help her, Yui, but I don't want this band to be a bad thing for her. If it does start to effect her like that, than I will have to-"

"Kick her out?" It was Ritsu this time breathing down Mio's neck.

Mio jumped with a startled yell. "Ritsu, you idiot!"

Ritsu grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "I'm right though, aren't I? You'll have to kick her out."

Mio knew that it sounded cruel and answered quietly with caution. "Yes, but I will do my best to make her feel welcome, like the rest of you should."

Nods went around the group, including Azusa who always seemed to be hovering around the room. None of them wanted to make the decision of severing a club member from the band.

Ritsu spoke up as soon as Kita's violin playing was loud enough to hide her words. "I should be the one making these executive decisions, should I?" she asked, giving Mio a long, hard look. "Are you trying to be the president?"

Mio's eyes bulged. "No! It's not like that!"

"Hmm... Really?" Ritsu brought her face close up to Mio's. "Really, really, really?"

"Ritsu, I hate it when you do that!" Mio growled, pushing her back.

"Hey, careful where those hands go, Mio!" Ritsu laughed.

"Ritsu!"

By the end of the Kita's lessons, the sun was going down. She glanced over at the cough to see Mio and Ritsu arguing. Or rather Mio doing all of the yelling and Ritsu provoking her.

"Alright, that should do for today," Mrs Sawa announced, leaning against the window. "You did great, Kita."

Another burst of pride flamed to life inside of Kita. It seemed that all of them had been happy with her performance today, and it only convinced her to stay longer. She could already feel the sense of belonging beginning to build, a feeling that she had been without for too long.

The sun shone in Kita's eyes and she shielded them hastily. Seeing it so low in the sky warned her of the time, and she glanced at Mrs Sawa's wrist watch to see that the time had well and truly escaped her.

"Oh no," she gasped, panic returning. "I have to go. I have too much to do at home."

"Again?" Mrs Sawa asked. "What's so important that you have to leave early all of the time."

"Mrs Sawa!" Ritsu hissed, finally tired of teasing Mio. "Don't scare her!"

The teacher's arms dropped from her chest. "Oh, I didn't mean to," she said, reaching out to grasp Kita's shoulder lightly. "I just wanted to know if there was anything we could help you with so you could stay with us longer."

Kita could feel the tears pricking her eyes already. "You want to help me?" she blurted, not used to someone caring enough to want to offer their assistance.

Mrs Sawa looked surprised at Kita's words. "Of course."

"That's right, Kita." The other girls had approached, Ritsu leading the group with a wide smile on her face. "That's what friends do for each other."

"Friends?" Kita could barely believe she had heard such a word. It had been so long since she had been able to use it. It would take longer to believe it.

"Do you really have to go?" Yui asked, clasping Kita's arm. "Can't you stay for a little longer?" She lifted her eyes that were shining with crocodile tears. She wore her most effective puppy dog face, the one that made the others roll their eyes. They had seen it hundreds of times.

Kita hated to leave them like this again, but she had to hurry to the hospital. She didn't want to leave her mother wondering what had happened to her, or worse, wondering if she wasn't going to come at all.

"Sorry everyone, but I have a lot of house work to do."

"Man," Ritsu said, sighing. "You're parents must be tough."

Kita's breath caught. "No... no, they're alright," she said as casually as she could.

_If only my mother was tough on me like that. What I wouldn't give to have her at home, barking orders at me like some mothers do instead of being the lifeless woman in that hospital bed._

_ What I wouldn't give..._

"Kita," Mio said, stepping in front of the group. She held Kita's bag and passed it into her hands. "You know you can tell us anything, right?"

The tears were on the brink of Kita's eyelids now. She blinked rapidly, knowing that they could see through her cover. "I-I have to go," she whispered, swinging her bag over her back and heading towards the door.

"Kita, wait."

Azusa's hand had caught her arm. Kita froze on the spot, not trusting her emotions to stay calm if she turned to see the others.

"Kita, no matter what has happened or is happening to you... you have us now," Azusa said.

"That's right!" Ritsu added.

Yui hugged Kita from behind. "See? You're halfway to opening up, Kita!"

Before Kita could move, Mio stepped over to stand in front of her, Mugi at her side.

"Just try your best, Kita," Mio said, the words taking a deep meaning. "That's all we can ask."

Mugi nodded in agreement, holding out another piece of wrapped cake labelled 'for the road' on the side in pen.

With shaking hands Kita took the wrapped cake. "Thank you," she breathed. "I... I will try my best." Without another word or glance at the others, Kita rushed out of the door and down the stairs. She didn't stop running until she was outside of the school where she fell to her knees and cried.

_If only she could try her best. If only she could accept the friendship of these girls. If only she could believe in herself and them._

Kita's tears fell until she was gasping for air. Her body ached with every breath and she curled up on herself. "I wish I could be stronger than this," she whispered. "I wish I could open up and let people in."

Years had passed with Kita being the cold, silent girl with no friends and no will to make any. She had shut everyone out to protect her from more pain. She still had a dwindling fire of hope that this band would change her.

Unfortunately, fate was not yet finished with Kita.


	6. Bully

**Chapter Six**

**Bully**

The lessons that Kita attended at the school were typical to her last school. She sat at the room in the corner where she had a large space between her and the nearest person. She lived in the shadows, the sunlight from the windows missing her and shining instead on her table, blinding her from other's sight. That was how she liked it. She rarely spoke even if asked a question, and she ignored others when they began to talk about topics to her interest. She just couldn't open up, and it made her feel safe as well as depressed.

It was her second week at the school and nothing had changed. Since she had fallen to her knees and cried outside of the school those days ago she had settled into her reverie of loneliness. This way she could block out the pain that scratched at the barriers.

She sat in her language studies, reading through the notes she had made in her book. Beside all of the work she had drawn little doodles to pass the time, doodles of her fellow bands members. She had Ritsu banging her drum sticks down on the drum set and Yui stroking her fingers across the guitar.

Kita had become absorbed in these tiny sketches, so much so that she completely tuned out of everything going on around her. Because of this, she didn't notice the small group of girls approaching her until the 'leader' spoke.

"Shouldn't you be doing work instead of drawing stupid little pictures like that, new girl?"

Kita's heart almost beat right out of her chest. She snapped her book shut and glanced up quickly to see the tall, pretty, dark haired girl glaring at her with a mean smirk on her lips. Kita lowered her head until her hair covered her face.

"Well?" the girl persister. She bent down to Kita's lever, her hands resting on her book intimidatingly. "You going to answer me, new girl?"

Kita felt the familiar urge inside of her to run and hide, but she was frozen in her seat. She could feel sweat tingling in her palms, her chest tightening as though she were drowning in the fear and embarrassment.

One of the other girls spoke to the head of the group. "I think you should punish her, Suuki. She's being pretty rude, ignoring you like this."

The tall, menacing girl named Suuki nodded her head slowly. "Hmm... I think you're right, Shizio. Maybe I should punish her."

Kita could already see it coming, the fists punching her, the feet kicking her. She could imagine the pain of it all, weak against the pain of being helpless as these girls pummelled her.

Suuki slapped her hand down on the desk in front of Kita, pushing her face closer. "Look at me," she demanded coldly.

Kita slowly lifted her head, her strands of hair falling out of the way. Staring into Suuki's hateful eyes she faced true terror.

"How do you want to get hurt this afternoon?" Suuki asked with fake sweetness in her voice. "I'll let you decisde."

_Look for a way out,_ Kita's mind screamed to her. _Find a way out and run!_

The class was over and the room was empty of people and obstacles. The door was at the opposite end of the room. Could she make it? Would they grab her or let her run away like a frightened rabbit?

"I don't like quiet people, you know," Suuki continued, leaning against Kita's table and crossing her arms over her chest. "I think it's really annoying."

Kita's mouth was dry. She swallowed, wondering if speaking would help her. Probably not.

The girls began to provoke Suuki, telling her to attack or yelling out insults. Suuki raised a hand and they all silenced.

"I think she's about to faint."

Kita couldn't disagree with her. She felt light-headed, her heart pounding too fast. Her breath came out short and gasping. "Please..." she managed. "Please just let me go..."

Suuki laughed out loud to the chorus of her amused friends. "Let you go? You sound so pathetic!"

That was it. She had to make the move herself. Kita flung herself away from the table, her bag hanging from her hand loosely, and bolted towards the door. The girls whom had not been expecting it took a moment until they shouted at each other and gave chase.

Kita was beyond the point of fainting before long. As she burst out of the classroom and raced past students filing through the hallway she felt the world shudder and blacken for only a moment, then she was running on adrenaline and she was wide awake with terror.

Behind her, Suuki was yelling out swear words and laughing until her voice rang in Kita's ears. Students leapt out of her way. Kita was not the only one to have been targeted by this girl.

There was a point when Kita knew she wouldn't be able to go on, and she reached it earlier than she had hoped she would. She felt her knees buckle and her heart give its last pounding beats. A wave of hot nausea passed through her and she stumbled to a stop. Her hands reached out for something to hold onto and they found a tall, cold locker.

Suuki's cold laughter came a moment later. "Here she is! We finally caught her, girls!"

_This is it. _That was all that Kita could think as Suuki appeared in front of her. _This is it. I won't be getting out of this okay._

"How dare you run from me, right after you rudely ignored me to," Suuki spat, grasping Kita's shirt in her fists. She pushed her hard against the lockers. "How dare you."

Kita felt cold as waves of horror crashed over her. She grasped at Suuki's hands that held onto her shirt and tried to will her brimming tears away. "Please let me go," she pleaded again.

Suuki was having the time of her life. She laughed out again, students behind her staring in shock and pity for Kita. Suuki was getting all of the attention she sough and she barely even needed to try.

"No, I won't let you go. Not until I get my apology," she growled, pushing Kita hard against the lockers again.

"I'm sorry," Kita said quickly, sadness filling her voice.

Suuki shook her head, the grin on her face still present. "Too late." She swung at Kita before she could make a single move and struck her hard in the face.

Everything for Kita went black.

"Kita... Kita...!

Kita began to realise her surroundings again as hands slapped her face urgently. She was not unconscious, but she was lying on the ground. The punch had put her into a state of shock. She blinked to see a ring of students around her and Mrs Sawa hitting her lightly and beckoning her back.

"Can you hear me, Kita?" the teacher asked. Kita had never heard her sound so serious.

"Y...yes," she croaked.

A smile appeared on Mrs Sawa's face. "Good. Here, let me help you sit up." Her arm curled around Kita's back and she pulled her up until she could lean against the locker behind her.

"Is she okay, Mrs Sawa?" one of the students asked.

"Yes, thank you for coming to get me," Mrs Sawa said gratefully. She had been in her office when the girl had practically knocked the door down. She told her that Suuki was chasing a student down the hall and they both rushed to the scene just in time to see the punch knock Kita into her current state.

"Suuki," Kita whispered, her eyes darting around to find the girl. "Where is she? Is she here?"

"It's alright, Kita," Mrs Sawa assured her. "She's having a nice long talk with the principle right now."  
Relief surged through Kita, pushing everything else away. It left her feeling calm enough to fall onto the brink of sleep, but she couldn't do that in the current situation. She needed to get back to her lessons. She needed to get out the place of attention.

Kita struggled to her feet, attempting to use the lockers as support. She thought for a few seconds that she could do it, then her strength ebbed away in chunks. She began to slip down to the floor again, the students around her crying out. Mrs Sawa caught her around the waist and hoisted her up.

"Come on, you need to get looked at," she said sternly.

"I'm alright," Kita tried to argue, but she felt her nose sting as she spoke. A warm slither of what she initially thought was snot approached her upper lip. She reached up a shaking hand to touch it with her finger. When she looked down at it she released that it was bright red blood.

On any other day the sight of the blood would have made poor Kita faint right away, but being in the shell-shocked state she was in she could do little more but gaze down at her bloodied finger as Mrs Sawa whisked her around the corner.

"This is going to sting, so I apologise in advance." Mrs Sawa dabbed a wet cloth to Kita's nose that had been split on the very rim. She was right, it did sting, and Kita winced.

Blood dripped freely onto a dry cloth laid on the tiled floor. It had already made a thick blood stain that made a recovering Kita feel sick to her stomach.

"If you need to vomit, let me know," Mrs Sawa said, reading the girl's pale face. "Don't worry, I'm almost done. You shouldn't need anything to patch it up. It isn't really that deep."

Suuki had been expelled. Another teacher had poked her head into the infirmary and told Mrs Sawa, also offering her help. The nurse was ironically sick that day, so Mrs Sawa was taking her job as the teacher with the closest matching experience until the second nurse could arrive from her hour-away home. It was all a stressful mess, but Mrs Sawa stayed cheerful. She released a whoop of joy when she heard that Suuki was being expelled and quickly coughed to cover it up as the other teacher gave her a suspicious stare.

"That girl deserved it, so don't feel bad," she said as Kita fought the urge to sneeze blood. "She's picked on a lot of kids since she arrived here two years ago. She had it coming."

Kita was a sympathetic girl, but not this time. "I don't feel bad," she assured the teacher. "I agree with you if she has done this to others. She deserves it."

"Good." Mrs Sawa leaned back in the chair and pulled the cloth away. She inspected Kita's nose from afar before nodding her head. "It looks fine if not a little red. Tell me, Kita. Why exactly did she attack you?"

Kita told her the tale of the psychopathic Suuki and her wild attack. She included the pictures on her book that she had left in the classroom, and she also added the other student's name in-case it was needed. Once she was finished, Mrs Sawa looked, above all else, disappointed.

"Kita, didn't you try to defend yourself?" she asked, speaking as though she already knew the answer.

Kita lowered her head, wishing again that she could disappear. "No," she answered softly.

Mrs Sawa crossed her arms again and leaned back in the chair. She stared at Kita for some time before she asked her the question she had feared. "What is it that makes you so frightened?"

Kita's stomach flopped and she sought out the bucket. Mrs Sawa passed it to her and she heaved inside the rim. She didn't vomit, but she took the opportunity to think about her answer. She trusted Mrs Sawa as much as she trusted her friend Yui, but there was something about this woman that made her mind persistently want to release information. She was an adult and therefore maybe she had some answers.

Kita lifted her head from the bucket. She was faced with a decision that no longer looked so one-sided. She could tell this woman that she trusted and felt would perhaps have some way of understanding, or she could hide like usual and lose the opportunity that may not come again.

She had to answer swiftly.

She let the words pour out.

"My mother."

Mrs Sawa's eyes widened at the unexpected reply. "What?"

"Mt mother," Kita repeated, her mouth and throat dry. "She's the reason why I'm so scared."

Taking the role of counsellor now, Mrs Sawa leaned forward in the chair, becoming closer to Kita. "Tell me what it is about your mother. Does she... hurt you?"

It was time for Kita to be shocked. "N-no! That's not it. She's too weak to do anything right now..."

"What do you mean?" Mrs Sawa was prodding gently. She wanted the information so she could use it to help Kita, but she was also taking note of the pain it could cause this girl to tell the secret that she kept inside.

Kita knew there was no turning back now. She had said too much. She took a deep, steadying breath, let her words form carefully in her mind, and told her tale.

"When I was really little I learned that my mother was sick. She had a heart attack without warning, and my father rushed her to hospital. I didn't know what was happening, and my father walked out that night with me. He told me we were going home, but he kept on driving and driving, crying at the steering wheel until he crashed into a tree. Neither of us was badly hurt, but he walked out of the car and was lost. I never saw him again. An ambulance was called when a stranger found me, and everything about my mother was explained.

My mother had a series heart disease that constantly put her in critical conditions. Knowing that my father wasn't coming back because of the grieving a dying wife caused, she took care of me at home despite always being sick. Last year she had another attack and is now stuck in the hospital."

Kita finished with another breath. Her hands were shaking and sweat was breaking on her forehead. She swallowed down bile and clasped her hands together. She had done it. She had told her story to someone, and she could feel the weight lifting away.

Mrs Sawa regarded her for another few shocked moments before she couldn't hold it back. "Kita, that's terrible! Someone your age shouldn't have to deal with all of that! And your mother... I understand now. You're afraid of letting people in just in-case something like this happens, right?"

Kita nodded, glad she didn't have to explain that part as well. "I also never got used to her sudden attacks. I guess it made me hyper sensitive to everything, so I tend to overreact and faint or become sick or even end up in shock like today."

"I trust you don't want to share this with the other girls?" Mrs Sawa guessed.

Kita shook her head. "I don't think I'm ready to tell them. I don't want them to pity me or anything, and I don't know how they'll react."

Mrs Sawa nodded. "I won't tell them, but I don't think they would react badly anyway. Kita, they're your friends. You can see that, right?"

"No. I can't see things like that anymore," Kita said, surprised at how close to crying she was. She sniffed like a child and turned away. "I don't understand things like that because I haven't allowed love and sympathy in for so long. I haven't allowed myself to have friends for years."

"I see," Mrs Sawa said, unable to actually imagine how lonely this girl must me. She considered her for a moment, trying to picture the life she had lived in fear for her mother and behind a mental shield that kept others out. It must have been awful, and it still wasn't over.

Kita could feel the teacher's eyes staring at her. She was pitying her, and she didn't want her pity. She straightened up subconsciously and decided to change the subject.

"Umm... Mrs Sawa?"

"Hmm? What is it?"

Kita didn't feel much more comfortable with the next question, but at least she wasn't keeping herself in the centre anymore. "What do they think of me? The girl's in the band, I mean."

Mrs Sawa smiled. If Kita was concerned with how they felt about her than she was definitely on the road to opening up. Yui would be over the moon. "Like I said, Kita, they consider you a friend. They were worried about you when you fainted and they all want to know exactly what I learnt today. They care about you more than you're letting yourself realise."

Kita couldn't keep the smile off of her face. "Thank you, Mrs Sawa," she said. "It makes me feel better about everything. I was worried that I had holding them down."

"Really..." Mrs Sawa knew that in a way, that was exactly what Kita was unintentionally doing. It would be a strain on the club, but they needed her skills, and she needed their friendship. If they worked together, everything could fall into place.

"Kita, I want you to promise me something," she said.

Kita's head flicked up from the tiles that she had been staring at sheepishly. Her cheeks were still red from learning that she did truly have friends that cared for her. "What is it?"

"I want you to promise me that you will open up to them more. You don't have to tell them your secret, but I want you to be more confident around them. Just try your best to be brave and you'd be surprised at how strong you feel."

To Kita it sounded like a death sentence. If she laid herself bare, or bare enough to be hurt, she could face the same emotions she had before when her mother had suffered from her first attack. She would have to leave the shell she was so comfortable in. It was a lot to ask.

"You can think about it if you want," Mrs Sawa added.

Kita shook her head. Thinking would only result in a flat 'no' and she felt she owed Mrs Sawa for listening to her story. "I promise, Mrs Sawa. I promise to open up to them."

"Good girl," Mrs Sawa praised happily. "You won't regret it."

_I hope not, _Kita thought. _I really hope not._


	7. The Road Ahead

**Chapter Seven**

**The Road Ahead**

Yui was angry. Furious, in fact. Perhaps even homicidal. Her hands balled into tight fists and her face went bright red as she tried to keep herself from losing it completely.

Ritsu was just as outraged, wielding one of her drumsticks like a sword. "She hit you?" She must have repeated it at least ten times already, and the rage never left her. She let out a yell and swung her drumstick experimentally. "I should go and stick this up that girl's a-"

"Ritsu!" Mugi gasped before she could swear. "Please, decent language is to be used in the club room."

"Sorry, but I'm just so angry!" Ritsu cried, swinging again. "One of our club members has been seriously wounded by a beast from the outside world! Doesn't hat make your blood boil?"

Kita was sure that Mugi was as outraged as the others for she hadn't drunk tea for at least ten minutes. She nodded her head solemnly. "Yes, I am angry. She has been expelled though, so I think justice has been served."

"No!" Yui screamed the word and everyone turned to her in shock. She was shaking her head to and fro. "No one hits my friends and lives to tell the tale! Ritsu, lets go and teach her our own lesson!"

"Right!"

The pair marched towards the door, but Mio blocked their way with her arms outstretched.

"Sit down, you two. You'll only get expelled as well," she reminded them.

Yui turned sadly back to Kita who was amazed at the reaction her news had received.

"Does it feel better, Kitty?" Yui asked her, walking over.

Kita nodded her head. Her nose felt completely normal and looked as it always had apart from the red colour that covered it. "It feels fine Yui, really."

"Lucky thing or we would have hunted her down," Ritsu spat, slamming a fist into her open palm.

Azusa was sitting at the table with Mugi, biting small chunks off of a cake. "You know," she said through a mouthful. "Bullies only pick on others like that because they feel bad about themselves. Imagine what she's going through now, all alone without her disgusting friends."

"Are you defending her?" Yui asked quickly, Ritsu still ready for a fight.

Azusa raised her hands, shaking her head quickly. "N-no! All I'm saying is that I think she's suffering as it is, so you don't need to think that she's getting away with what she did."

"Hmm... I guess so," Yui agreed. "Still, what she did was awful. Poor Kitty."

"That's right, it was awful and it shouldn't have happened." Mio had strode over to Kita and stood beside her. "We won't let it happen again, will we? Next time we'll be there to protect her."

The band members all nodded in agreement, determined smiles filling the room.

Kita's heart fluttered. "But... why?" she asked.

Mio pat her on the shoulder kindly. "Because we're friends, remember?"

_Friends. _It was that word again that made Kita's insides twist and turn. How long had it been since she had had friends? Too long. Way too long. She wasn't even sure how to feel anymore, but her heart seemed to know. Inside she felt light, almost as though she could sprout a set of wings and fly. Was this joy? Acceptance? Was she beginning to believe?

"So which holiday house are we staying at, Mugi?"

Kita blinked and tuned in to the conversation between Yui and Mugi.

"I couldn't get the largest one again," she said sadly, hanging her head sadly. "I'm sorry!"

"Don't worry about it," Yui said, waving her hand through the air. "They're always massive anyway."

"Hey, come to think of it, Kita doesn't know yet, does she?" Ritsu asked, turning to look at a confused Kita.

Mio took the explanation into her own hands. "Do you like the beach, Kita?"

Kita shrugged. There weren't a great deal of things that excited her, and she hadn't been to the beach for years. "I guess so," she answered.

"At least once in the holidays during the school year we stay at one of Mugi's beach houses and spend a few days there. Do you think you would be allowed to come?"

Kita thought about the question. Mio was asking if her parents would allow her to come. How she wished she could ask them like a normal person, having the long talk of responsibilities and punishments if rules weren't followed. She swallowed the dry lump in her throat and nodded. "I think my parents would be okay with it."

"If you aren't comfortable with it, tell us," Azusa said from the table, cutting into a fresh slice of cake. "We don't want you to come just because we want you to."

Kita wasn't comfortable with the idea, of course. She couldn't swim, the beach was full of negatives such as sunburn and insects, and she hated to be away from her mother. If she didn't go though, she would be letting the band down. They were going for their musical purposes. They needed everyone.

"I'm fine with it. I'll come."

Everyone was pleased that Kita was willing to go with them. For them it was an opportunity to have fun, play music (for at least twenty minutes), and also help bring Kita out of her shell. It would all go perfectly.

"We'll let you know about the details when it gets closer," Mio assured her. She turned her attention to the other bands members and stamped a foot on the floor. "Come on guys, get up! We have music to play!"

The girls all wanted to hear Kita's song again, and she was sure that she could sing it without crying this time. Having a box of tissues close by just in case, they left her to the microphone and took their stations behind their instruments that had been tuned in for the song.

Kita felt differently when she sang the song this time. There was still the sadness attached with the memories, but she also felt glad that she was doing something for the band. She knew that they were all around her and they wouldn't let anything go wrong as well. She was ready for the tears, but they didn't come. She felt too assured with the other girls there.

The song needed some tweaking with the instruments, but Azusa said she could work on some more music sheets. They were all proud of Kita's performance which of course made her proud of herself.

They were in the rhythm of playing, so they introduced Kita to the other songs and let her play along with her acoustic guitar that she had finally brought. On more than one occasion Mugi and Mio had to hold Yui back mid-song as she lunged for the beautiful shining guitar, all too ready to cheat on Gitah as Ritsu put it.

Kita liked the music they played. It had a jumpy beat that calmed her down after singing her own mood-killing song. She loved the beats that ran through her body and became almost over-excited when she came up with her own matching rhythm on her guitar. By the end of the session she was sweaty and tired, but felt much more confident already.

But that confidence was about to be challenged.

Nodoka, still a stranger to Kita, stepped into the room as she girls ate away their exhaustion at the table. She was holding up a sheet of paper that she laid on the centre of the table for all of the girls to read.

"What's this?" Ritsu asked blandly, having expected it to be another sheet she had forgotten to fill out.

Nodoka caught the reason for her tone. "It's not late. I'm bringing it in early so you can make sure you fill it out."

"A performance already?" Yui asked, slapping a hand against the side of her face. "Seriously?"

Azusa groaned. "In front of the entire school?"

Nodoka nodded. "Of course. Some of the students are already pumped, so don't let them down."

Mio seemed to be the only one who remembered that Kita had no idea of this girl. "Kita, this is Nodoka," she said, motioning to the tall, short haired stranger.

Nodoka turned to Kita and jumped. "Oh, sorry. Yui's been mentioning you all week, but after I heard about the incident with Suuki I assumed you would be at home still. Sorry, I'm Nodoka." She extended a hand which Kita shook gently.

"Kita," she said simply, her heart plummeting that she had another person that she had to open up to.

"Nodoka here helps us keep up with all of the paper work we have to fill out, like this," Ritsu said.

Mio shot her a glare. "_Us_? Don't you mean _you_?"

Ritsu scratched the back of her neck. "Well, I guess... If you want to get technical..."

Mugi passed the sheet towards Kita with a pen. "Write your name at the bottom and sign it. That way you can play with us in the next school performance.

"Performance?" Kita repeated, swallowing loudly. "You mean as in we're performing in front of the whole school?"

Azusa reached across and pat her arm soothingly. "Don't worry, I got used to it pretty fast and I was really, really nervous."

"Just make sure you don't trip on any wires," Ritsu pointed out, smirking as Mio looked about ready to leap across the table at her.

Kita scanned the paper quickly. Things were moving so fast. She couldn't picture herself standing in front of a crowd. Every time she tried she felt sick to the stomach. Opening up was one thing, but facing stage fright in the middle of that struggle? She looked up to see all eyes on her, waiting for her to sign. They were counting on her.

"We'll be there the entire time. We won't let you make a fool of yourself," Mio said soothingly.

"Cause we're your friends, Kita," Yui reminded her again. "You can play next to me too, if you feel like it."

It made Kita feel a little better, well enough to sign her name fast before she could rethink it. She slid the paper to Mio and leaned against the desk, sapped of strength. "How long until the performance?" asked weakly.

"About one week," Nodoka said, watching at the sheet was passed from person to person. "Don't worry, you'll be alright."

One week. She had one week until her doom. She needed to speak to her mother and make sure it was alright. That way she would also have the solace she needed.

Once the paper was signed by everyone and all fates were sealed, the club packed up for the day. They all said their goodbyes, reminding Kita again that she would be alright, and then as they all headed out of the school grounds she ducked around the corner and pulled out her phone.

The hospital was always expecting her calls, and one nurse in particular was always kind to her no matter how stressful the day was. She picked up on a happy note and transferred the call to her mother's room.

"Hello?"

"Mum? It's Kita," Kita said, trying to keep her voice steady. "I need your permission for something, and your advice."

"What is it?" Her mother sounded weak but also concerned. Was Kita's fear that noticeable in her voice?

"There are two things actually," Kita said, shaking her head in confusion. "First, can I go with the band during the holidays for a practice trip on the beach?" She explained the details quickly

"Of course, Kita. Tell me again when it gets closer and we'll talk about what you need to take. What else is it?"

Kita plunged into the deep end of her worries and told her mother about the performance that was coming up. She couldn't help but speak fast even as she tried to slow her voice down. Once she was finished she was breathless.

"Oh, Kita, I'm so proud of you! Your first performance! I wish I could be there to see it..."

Kita's eyes were instantly clouded with tears and she wiped at them furiously. "Don't be silly. I'll make a fool of myself, I'm sure of it."

"Don't be like that, Kita. Those girls will take care of you."

"Really?"

"I'm sure of it."

Kita smiled and nodded her head. "I guess your right. They really do want to help me."

"You see? You're already making progress."

Kita could barely believe it, but she didn't have time to argue with that unsettled fact. She had to get home and take care of the house. She told her mother that she would visit the next day and hung up. She had a lot of preparing to do.

As Kita headed home with her mind set on nothing more than practice, she realised that Mrs Sawa was right to make her promise to open up around the girls. If she hadn't then she would never have even had the opportunity to argue with herself about someone's possible friendship. For once she felt mentally healthy.


	8. School Performance

**Chapter Eight**

**School Performance**

The day had come faster than Kita could have ever imagined.

She had busied herself with practice, rarely taking a break to eat, drink, bathroom, or sleep. Even then her fingers were covered in band aids from blisters and cuts rewarded from all of the strumming, gripping, and holding she did. The bow for her violin gave her splinters, the guitar strings decimated her fingers, and she held onto the microphone too tightly when she sung which resulted in cramps.

At the end of the day she would fall into the soft covers of her bed that awaited her and would be asleep in seconds. During her dreams she would be facing the fear on stage and a number of things would go wrong. She would follow in Mio's footsteps one dream and fall over the wires to expose her selection of underwear, and the next dream would result in her vomiting all over the first few rows of seats. She would wake in in a cold sweat and stare sadly at the calendar as each minute counted down to the end of the day, and each day passed much too fast.

Now the day was here and she was barely able to stand without feeling as though she world were tilting beneath her. How was it that the other girls were so excited?

Ritsu shovelled down cake after cake, talking with her mouth stuffed full to Yui who couldn't keep the blinding smile off of her face. Azusa and Mio were doing the sensible thing by getting in some last minute practice. They didn't look upset either, but rather determined, their eyes burning as they played together with their screaming guitars. Mugi watched from the side as she tuned in her keyboard and drank tea at the same time.

Kita almost fell to her knees in shock. They were so well prepared, and what did she have to show? Band aids, cramps and cuts.

"Oh, Kitty! Are you excited?" Yui raced over to her as soon as she saw her and dangled a forkful of cake in front of her face. "Open wide. You look like you haven't eaten in days!"

"Have you been eating?" Mio asked a little sternly. She strode over to Kita with her guitar in her hands and got a closer look. Her eyes widened at what she saw. "You look like you're about to faint. Yui, help me get her over to the couch.

Kita felt her cheeks burn at the sudden attention. "No, I'm alright," she said quickly, waving their hands away. "I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"Everything will be fine," Ritsu said enthusiastically as she drummed her sticks against the table.

Mugi was armed with a steaming cup of tea as she walked over with her pleasant smile. "Don't worry about a thing, Kita. We'll be right there with you the entire time."

That was the only reason Kita was going ahead with this. They needed her and she wouldn't be a dead weight on their shoulders. She refused to let herself become a burden.

Azusa was looking a little whiter as she glanced at the clock. "Not long..." she breathed, then realised that Kita was shaking from head to toe. She shrugged nonchalantly and put on a fake grin. "Not long until the most exciting event of the year!" She threw her arms into the air and the other girls, namely Ritsu and Yui, cried out in unison.

Mio pat Kita on the shoulder in comfort. "Don't worry. We won't let anything go wrong. Just play as you always have and ignore the people in front of us. Close your eyes if it makes you feel better."

"If I close my eyes I'll faint," Kita said sadly. "I'm going to have to face this though. I won't run away."

"That's the spirit," Mugi said happily. "Just do your best and everything will turn out fine."

Mrs Sawa burst into the room in her usual fashion, breathing heavily as she held onto an assortment of hand-stitched costumes. "Am I too late?" She gasped breathlessly.

Mio was gone, already huddling in a corner as she spied a maid outfit hanging over the teachers arm. Ritsu went to comfort her as Yui ran to Mrs Sawa in excitement. She dove into the clothes as the teacher leaned against the wall to catch her breath again.

"I thought we were playing in our school uniforms," Azusa said as she spied the new pile curiously.

Mrs Sawa straightened with her hands on her hips. "But this is Kita's first performance! It's the perfect time for a new look."

"I'm happy with our current look," Azusa argued, turning to Kita. "Are you?"

Kita was torn between Azusa and Mrs Sawa. She wished she could become invisible and hide from their staring eyes, but she had to answer. "Um... I could probably wear something from that pile and you can all wear whatever you want."

"Perfect!" Mrs Sawa threw an assortment into Kita's arm before she could prepare herself. "This, and this, and this..."

"She only has one body, Mrs Sawa," Ritsu pointed out dryly from the corner of the room.

Mrs Sawa completely ignored her and dragged Kita off into the kitchen where she could change her into one of the many choices she had. Kita glanced at the other girls with terror in her eyes before she was pulled out of view.

Yui had pulled on an bright pink, sequinned dress that hung over her school uniform. She twirled on the spot with her arms outstretched. "I'm so wearing this!"

Azusa shielded her eyes with her hands as the light reflecting from the sequins burned into her vision. "Yui, take that off before I go blind!" she cried.

"No! I'm wearing it on stage!"

"I don't think so." Mio had finally recovered. She stood next to Yui and grasped the dress. With all of her might she fought to get it off of the hyper-active girl with a little help from Ritsu.

Mugi watched the scene from the table where the was brewing up another round of tea. She was nervous about the coming performance that was less than an hour away now, and she could tell that the others were too. They just expressed it in different ways. She loved being observant for it helped her realise other people's emotions, and in this case she didn't feel alone knowing that these girls were just as nervous as she was. Especially Kita. Kita was about to run out of the school.

Mrs Sawa poked her head around the kitchen area and smiled. "Ready to see your sixth member and the transformational she has overcome?" she asked dramatically.

Everyone froze and nodded their heads stiffly.

"Okay." Mrs Sawa disappeared again, then Kita cam rushing out as though she had been pushed. She wore a red skirt with royal blue lining, a golden shirt that sparkled, and a rich red jacket that was pulled over the top. She pulled down at her skirt self-consciously, wishing it had another inch in length at least.

The other girls were surprised that Mrs Sawa ad finally stitched something that they all agreed with. They came over to inspect the clothing closer as Kita turned around obediently on the spot for them, taking all all of the praise and using it to calm her nerves.

"Unfortunately I only have one of that particular design," Mrs Sawa said as Yui looked to her eagerly. "But you can wear whatever else you want."

In the end Yui chose the maid outfit in which she flaunted herself around the room. Azusa and Mio were in their school uniforms, ruining the fun as Ritsu put it. Ritsu was in black and white tomboyish suit and pants in which she looked remarkably handsome for a girl, and Mugi showed her true figure in a tight leather jacket and jeans. They all stood in a row and Mrs Sawa clapped at the sight.

"You guys look great! Everyone will love this look!"

Kita's stomach churned. That meant that they would be watching them closely. She wished she wasn't wearing something so eye-catching.

Ritsu's hand slapped against her back. "Head up, Kita. Everything will be fine."

"Yeah! If worst comes to worst, Mugi always knows first aid," Yui added cheerfully.

Mio's eyebrows rose. "What do you think is going to happen out there?"

Azusa saw Kita's pale face whiten another shade and stepped in. "Don't worry, nothing that bad is going to happen."

"Lucky thing too, cause Mugi's idea of treating a patient with first aid is trying to pour tea down their throats," Ritsu said, smiling as she remembered the time when Kita had fainted. Mugi had gone straight for the tea, her answer to everything.

Mugi chuckled, embarrassed as she tried to hide her current cup of tea behind her back. "I'm not that bad am I?"

No one had the heart to answer.

Kita wondered if you could die from shaking. Her entire body was trembling so badly that she could hardly walk. The others watched her carefully with every step as though she would collapse into a heap at any moment. It didn't make her feel any better.

Mrs Sawa led the way with a spring in her step. She was like the head of a parade, putting on the brightest smile and the speaking in the cheeriest voice. She carried the lightest speaker in her arms as she went over the song choices with Mio.

Ritsu and Yui were on either side of Kita in case she fainted before they even made it to the Hall. They exchanged nervous glances every time Kita's knees buckled.

"Do you want some tea before we start?" Yui asked.

Mugi, it seemed, would be able to hear the word tea through a brick wall. She was beside them in a heartbeat with a kettle and tea cup balanced in her hand.

Ritsu's eyes were bulging in her head. "Where the heck do you keep that tea kettle?"

Mugi smiled sweetly. "That's my secret."

Kita's head was whirling enough without having that vivid imagination. "No, no tea, thanks. I think I'll be alright."

"You think?" Yui repeated worriedly. "Can't you promise me that you'll be okay, Kitty?"

Azusa, walking in the centre of the group with the heavier speaker, turned her head to look at the girls over her shoulder. "Kita, are you sure you'll be up to this. If you're not, maybe Mrs Sawa could play at least the first song so you can watch for a while and calm down."

Mrs Sawa and Mio both stopped to tune into the conversation. The teacher looked pleased with the idea. "I could do that if you want."

Kita shook her head sadly. She knew that they would be disappointed if she couldn't even play the first song, let alone the others. She knew that if she sat out of the first one, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to join in the others. She had to be pushed into the deep and or she would just run away. "No. I can do it."

Mrs Sawa watched her carefully for a moment. "If you feel ill or light-headed before we head on stage, tell me," she said, using her teaching authority voice. "Don't go up there feeling terrible. That's only asking for trouble."

"Okay." Kita had no idea how she would manage to not feel like rubbish beforehand, but she would try to pull this off. She didn't want to have to sit on the sidelines. She would feel terrible. If only her mother were there to watch...

the day before she had gone during the entire Sunday to see her mother. She sat by her side and told her all about these girls and the club, then she played new tune on her violin that she had taught herself during practice. Underlying all of the excitement in her tone and laughter, she was terrified of the coming even. Her mother spotted this immediately, of course.

"Kita..., look at me darling..."

Kita stared at the bed sheets instead. She knew what was coming.

"You're stronger than you think... You just have to... trust yourself..."

Trust herself? That was a skill that was long forgotten. "I don't know how."

"Let the others hold you... and stand by you... You'll feel strong by believing in them..."

Kita took the opportunity now to believe that these girls would be there with her and would help her as much as they could. She believed that if something went wrong, she would be okay because they would take care of her. The feeling of relief that crashed over her was almost strong enough to knock her from her feet and she fell back into denial. If something went wrong she would just be letting the others down. She had to pull this off perfectly.

They reached the Hall and ducked into the back doors that led to the backstage area. It was completely dark, even with the light bulb flicking on. The other performers were in their little corners, discussing quietly. The band stood to the side near the wall where they set down their equipment and relaxed for the time being.

"We're opening up the assembly, so we're first," Mio reminded them all, showing her clear nervousness. She took a deep steadying breath and let it out slowly. She was used to doing this, so she could easily calm herself down now. Kita wished she had taken lessons from her, but it was too late now.

The first speaker was already chatting away on the stage, the curtains behind them drawn. Mrs Sawa turned to the girls for a small pep talk before they would head onto the hidden stage and set everything up.

"Girl's? You know what you're doing, alright? Play as you always have, and I'll be watching especially close in-case anything goes wrong. Trust me to be the improviser." Her eyes rested on Kita as she spoke. "Don't worry about a thing. They all had to start where you are now, remember?"

_I doubt they were as weak and pathetic as I am, _Kita thought bitterly, but instead she said, "I'll remember. Thanks."

"Good," Mrs Sawa said, sighing with relief. "Don't lose heart even if you make a mistake. Just keep going," she said to all of them before she straightened up. "Alright, let's move this stuff out. I'll help."

Everyone was silent as they shifted the equipment. They were all concentrating hard on the lyrics or the rhythm of the songs. Ritsu tapped her foot on the floor as Yui and Mio sang the words quietly to themselves. Mugi and Azusa tested their instruments as soon as they were plugged in.

"Kita, here." Mrs Sawa handed Kita her violin and rested her acoustic against the chair she sat on. "Good luck, Kita. Don't stress out and be brave."

_Be brave. _Kita was barely certain of what that word entitled.

The speaker could be heard through the curtains. "Our first performance is by our very own Light Music Club. They will be playing the following songs..."

Everyone ran to their positions and prepared their instruments, doing a last minute tune up or test. Kita ran her bow over the strings quickly and quietly, testing the sound. It was perfect, but her shaking hands couldn't keep the instrument still at her shoulder. She hefted it's position and leaned her neck against the cold wood.

"Everyone almost ready?" Mio asked, glancing back at them all in turn. Her eyes lingered on Kita and she gave her a small encouraging smile. It only put more pressure on the girl to impress them.

"Ready," they chorused, Kita's being the smallest voice.

"Good. Here we go."

One heart in the group of pulsing beats almost stopped altogether as the curtains began to rise. Kita's hands tightened their clutch on her violin. Beneath the red curtain she could make out the first row of younger students, then the second row that looked intensely bored, then row after row of smiling, anticipating faces appeared. So many more than she had expected started back at her.

_I can't do this. _As usual it was the first thought to grace her mind.

Yui pulled the microphone a little lower to her level and introduced the band. A weight lifted from Kita's chest for a moment. She had time to relax.

"Hey everyone! We're the After School Tea Time band! Um... how are you all feeling today?"

Cheers rose from the crowd and Yui beamed at the reaction. "Awesome! Today with have a new member with us, the new student Kita Asaki!"

Every singe eye in the audience was on Kita. Her heart stumbled then beat hard against her rib cage. Yui wasn't supposed to single her out. She could see Mio shooting Yui a glare, then Yui fought for recovery.

"Anyway, we'd, uh, better get started... right? Um...Ritsu?"

Ritsu nodded her head and rose her drumsticks into the air. As she tapped them together she counted down.

"One..."

Kita's hands trembled so hard she almost dropped her bow.

"Two..."

Her knuckles were white on the violin.

"Three..."

Could everyone see her fear? Could they understand what she was going through?

"Four..."

If only her mother were there watching her...

Five!"

Kita ran the bow over the strings, expecting it to be mechanical as it always was with her years of practice. Nervousness made her movements rusty though, and she had to put pressure into her hand as she moved the bow. She concentrated hard on the notes and remembered the timing of each tone whilst she half-listened to the music around her that led her on the path.

Mio sang out the words to the audience, her voice full of passion in the song of love and longing for an average schoolgirl. Hands flowed in the air and people clapped along to the beat. So far they were pleasing the audience.

Kita's eyes never left the floor. She knew that it must have made her look so terrified, but she knew that if she faced the staring faces she would freeze up and ruin the song. She kept her head down and her hand moving the bow across the strings, concentrating only on the sound she was making and it's place in the symphony of musical tones.

Eventually the song came to a finish and they all stopped for a brief break as Yui prepared the crowd for the second song. There were a total of three, four if the crowd wanted an encore that happened every few performances. Kita began to wonder if she could last that long. As it was she could barely stand. Her fear was draining her of energy and her legs felt like toothpicks. Her hands were numb from holding onto the violin and the bow so tightly. She could feel all of the signs of fainting, such as dizziness and nausea. How could she last?

As Yui blabbered on about the music the Light Music Club played, many eyes stayed on Kita and she knew that she must have been showing her fear. She turned away from the faces and cast her eyes out to Mrs Sawa who stood in the shadows and watched. She had concern printed on her face.

_Crap, I'm not going to last, _Kita thought bleakly.

Ritsu tapped the drumsticks together again and on the fourth impact they dove into the next song. Mio and Yui sang together as they strummed their guitars, Azusa ran her hands down on the strings to create the main beat, Mugi controlled the background, and Ritsu beat life into the song.

Kita's tone lacked the strength it had and was drowned out by all of the music. She could feel her hands moving slower and slower and counted every tone she missed. She was sure that no one in the crowd even noticed, but the other band members certainly did.

"Kita, what are you doing?" Azusa hissed from behind her. She had a temper when she played. She hated mistakes because it distracted her.

Kita grimaced at Azusa's voice. "Sorry," she whispered urgently. "I just don't think I can..." She trailed off. She didn't even have the energy or the heart to speak. She was almost petrified on the spot.

Mio glanced over her shoulder as Yui took on the lyrics. "What's wrong?" she asked Kita quickly. "Are you alright?"

Now students were beginning to notice Kita. They all watched her as she struggled to keep on her feet. They began to speak quietly to each other in discussions about the terrified girl and how she couldn't even play for more than one song.

Kita had had enough. She could see the world spinning around her and closed her eyes. She didn't want to pass out. That was her biggest fear today, but she could feel herself slowly falling backward...

A hand reached out and caught Kita tightly. She opened her eyes to see Mrs Sawa holding her up on her feet, a weak smile on her face. "Go and rest, Kita. I can take over from here."

Kita didn't wait to see the anger on her band members' faces, nor did she want to face the shocked crowd. The music played on in her absence, and she rushed off into the darkness of the backstage area.

Tears blinded her vision before she even realised she was crying. She stumbled amongst the instruments and stage props, ignoring people as they offered her helping hands. She had no idea what was going on apart from the fact that she had almost broken down on stage, made a complete fool of herself, and worst of all, let her band members down.

The bathroom, her safest, most personal space and haven in which to release the torrent of emotions. Kita headed for it, following the glowing sign on the ceiling until she reached the swinging door. She headed inside, glad to see that it was empty, and rushed over to the nearest toilet where she vomited for all of her worth.

It was some time before the band finished their final song and entered the bathroom. Kita sat alone in her cubicle with the door shut, her clammy hands hugging her knees to her chest as she silently wept.

A knock at the door and Mio's voice alerted her. "Kita, are you alright?"

The answer was so obvious that Kita didn't bother answering.

Yui sounded frantic. "Kitty, please let us in. Or at least one of us. I just want to see that you're alright."

"You did well for a beginner," Ritsu said. "We were really impressed."

Azusa spoke next. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, Kita. I should have realised that you weren't feeling well."  
"Remember, you're just a beginner," Mrs Sawa added. "You can't be expected to play more than one song with perfection. We should have given you more practice."

"No," Kita said, struggling to control the fury that surged through her. She was mad at herself for making the mistake, and mad at herself for failing to be brave like her mother had said. "It was my fault. I'm the weak one."

"That's not true!" Mrs Sawa said quickly. "You aren't weak, Kita. You just need some help, and we should have offered that."

Mugi's gentle voice was soothing to the dark mood inside of the cubicle. "Kita, have some tea. It will calm you down." She placed the cup on the floor and a moment later Kita's hand reached out and gasped it. She slurped it down and let the warmth flood her chest.

"Can I have another minute alone?" Kita asked, tightening her arms around herself once she had finished the tea. "I need to think."

All eyes turned to Mrs Sawa, a woman of experience. "We'll be right outside behind the stage," she said, leading the other girls out of the bathroom.

"What are we going to do?" Yui asked sadly once they were huddled together near the wall again.

Azusa stared at her feet guiltily. "I shouldn't have spoken to her like I did. Now she's blaming herself."

"You shouldn't be blamed either," Mrs Sawa told her as she leaned against the wall. "She's more frigid than I thought. It's going to be hard to take care of her if she can't handle more than one song."

"I feel bad speaking about her like this," Mio admitted, staring over her shoulder as though Kita would be in the corner of the room, listening in with a tear streaked face. She let out a heavy sigh. "Mrs Sawa's right. We should have assumed that this would happen so we could prepare her better."

"Don't worry about it now," the teacher said as she glanced over at the bathroom with a frown. "The trip is coming up in only a few weeks and it will be perfect to let her open up a little. Everything will be easier then because she'll begin to trust all of you more and tell you when she doesn't think she can handle something. Today's mistake was because of a lack of communication, I think."

All of the girls bowed their heads sadly. They knew that on one side of the field, they were to blame. However, none of them had expected Kita to be such a problem. They had thought she knew enough to stand on her own two feet just like today.

"We won't kick her out of the band, will we?" Mugi asked, watching everyone's faces closely.

They all exchanged glances and slowly shook their heads.

"We can't abandon her now," Mio said.

"Even if she did mess up our performance, she's still our friend," Ritsu added.

Yui looked close to tears, but still bore a smile. "I promised her I'd take care of her anyway.

"So that's what we'll do," Azusa agreed, nodding her head.

"And we'll bring plenty of tea," said Mugi, holding up the kettle that she somehow still had in her possession even through the performance.

Mrs Sawa looked at the group with pride. "Now that is exactly what I wanted to hear."


	9. Accidental Words

**Chapter Nine**

**Accidental Words**

The pack was well and truly bulging with everything Kita thought she might need. Surely she couldn't be blamed though. It was her first tip in years and she had no idea of the difference between essentials and 'stuff.'

Since the performance that had gone so wrong on Kita's part, she had been nervous around the band members. That had told her that they weren't angry of upset with her and that they should have worked harder to get her ready, but she knew that on the inside they were disappointed. She was becoming a weight on their shoulders, and she had to prove to them on this trip that she could work hard and practice through her fears.

Mugi seemed worried about the trip where the other girls were excited. When Kita had asked what was wrong, she flailed her arms around, saying everything would be perfect... but not _too _perfect.

Mio translated for Kita. "Every time we arrive at one of her beach houses she tries to make everything seem ordinary so we don't judge her, but her family always have something extreme set up like a cruise or a ready made banquet dinner for us."

Somehow this made a little sense to Kita. She wanted very much for people to treat her like an average person, but even that was humiliating for her. That was where the two were different. Where Mugi was strong enough to survive through her family's desperate attempts, Kita wouldn't be able to live through the embarrassment.

Kita had piled everything into her packs that she was sure she would need, then she added in things she wanted to take, then it became a matter of things she _thought _she would want when she was there. One pack turned into two, and two multiplied into four. She had just managed to cut down to only three, but the three remaining packs were fit to bursting.

Collapsed on the floor with the weight of the dilemma pressing down on her, Kita felt well and truly foolish, picturing herself arriving at the train station with packs the size of baby giants dragging behind her.

Now she was digging piles and piles of items out of the third and replacing certain things will smaller portions. Finally she was down to two moderately filled packs, and she knew she would not be able to get them any smaller. The last thing to throw into the pile was her acoustic guitar as it couldn't fit in the first bag with the violin.

Kita's mother had never looked so excited for her when she had visited in the morning.

"Oh, Kita... I know that you will... have a wonderful time..."

Kita gripped the frail woman's hand in her own. "I hope so. I'm not very good at swimming, and I hate the sun, and..."

Her mother raised her free hand to her daughter's lips. "Sweetheart... don't let those thoughts... get in the way... Just have a... fun time out there..."

The reality of leaving her mother behind was a hard one for Kita to face. She felt tears beginning to fall as she sat at her side. "I wish you were coming so much! I wish I could know that you're okay while I'm gone!"

"The nurses... will keep you... updated..."

But-"

"Kita, just... enjoy yourself..."

Kita didn't want to leave her mother worried about her, so she promised her that she would try her best to have fun. Now as she sat alone in her house beside her packed things she wondered how she would cope being caged away from her mother. She would have no way of seeing her, and just going by the nurse's word didn't seem to be enough.

"Of mum... Please be alright while I'm gone," she said aloud.

The train came right on time, coming to a stop at twelve in the middle of the day. Mio, Yui, Mugi, Azusa, and Ritsu shouldered their way through the crowd until they reached the back corner of the train where they could talk in peace... and wait for Kita.

"Should one of us stay outside and wave her over?" Mugi suggested, looking panicky as she thought of all the things her family could have planned.

Mio kept her eyes out of the window. "I'll wave from in here. She'll see me."

Ritsu was drumming her fingers against her knee. She'll definitely see the enormous lump on your head."

"Shut up!" Mio barked. During her packing she had tried to pull down one of her favourite novels from the shelf above her bed. It had slipped from her fingers and knocked her on the forehead, giving her an egg-sized lump that Ritsu had noticed the moment she saw her.

"Hey, it's a good thing. I wouldn't have seen you this morning if you it hadn't been for that lump."

"I said shut up!"

"There she is!" Yui suddenly squealed. She sat up on the chair and pressed her face into the window as Mio ans Azusa waved their arms about.

Kita, carrying the two heavy packs, looked like a traveller lost in the desert. She looked around wildly for her fellow band members until something caught her attention. She looked up towards the window to see them all waving at her, Yui's face the happiest in the bunch.

Safe on the train, Kita could finally relax. She had managed to get her packs onto the luggage hold above their heads with some help from Ritsu and was now sitting beside Yui who hugged her tightly.

"I thought you wouldn't come!" she cried. "I was so worried!"

Kita went red. "You messaged me four times this morning asking if I would come, Yui. I don't change my mind on something like this in ten minutes."

"But you could have!" the girl whined.

"Should we discuss the training we will be going through?" Mio asked the group. "Just to prepare ourselves."

"Include the break times as well," Ritsu added.

Ignoring her, Mio started set out the plan. "We'll probably be practising in the evening and night because otherwise I can't keep us all together. For those of us who would like to get more practice in during the afternoons, I will definitely be spending my time in the music room." She turned her attention to Kita. "Is there anything you would like to focus on?"

Immediately, Kita knew exactly what it was she wanted to work on. "Vocals," she said. "When I sing I lose myself in the music. I think there will be less of a chance that I will freak out like I did during the performance if I learned to sing for longer periods."

"Perfect," Mio said happily. "Me and Yui can help you... or just me." Yui was already pulling a bored face.

Ritsu had a matching face. "Why can't we just stay at the beach all day?" she drawled.

"Weren't you listening? You can spend as long as you want there as long as you practice with the whole band in the evenings," Mio repeated angrily.

Ritsu pouted moodily. "Well someone certainly picked a bad time of the month to be travelling."

Mio's face went as red as a tomato and she subconsciously crossed her legs. "Don't talk about stuff like that, Ritsu!"

Kita wondered if it was always like this.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine once you've settled in," Azusa said reassuringly. "I'll be in the music room with Mio while the rest of them mess around at the beach."

Mio and Azusa would both be teaching Kita on her own? Her stomach filled with butterflies. Yui was the only one she was ninety percent comfortable around, and Mrs Sawa came next at around eighty percent. These girls were still dwindling low on the scales, but what batter opportunity than this one to become more comfortable with them?

Time would reveal how much of a good idea this trip really was.

"Mugi, this is huge!" Ritsu gasped, standing on her toes to capture the enormity in her sight. "I can barely see the roof!"

Mugi, of course, was already on her phone, chatting away urgently to her family on the other line. "I thought it was the smaller one!" she whispered angrily.

Yui was dancing about in the sand before the pebbled path that led to the front door. Her packed bags flew around her as she clutched them tightly in her hands. "This is awesome!"

Kita could barely keep her mouth from hanging open. There she was, staring at the largest, cleanest, pearliest beach house she had ever seen. Of course, the only beach houses she had seen had been in magazines or outside of the car window, but either way she knew that this was special.

Mugi ended her call with a frustrated sigh. As she saw the waiting faces of her fellow band members her anger fell away and was replaced with panic. "No, no, no! It wasn't supposed to be this big! They purposefully left me the wrong one!"

"Don't worry about it, Mugi," Azusa said. "The bigger the better."

Mugi shook her head, her hair whirling around her wildly. "No, you don't understand! It's too much!"

"It's great!" Ritsu, without permission or patience, had flung open the double oak doors and stared at the inside.

Yui peered over her shoulder and let out a triumphant yell. "This is awesome, Mugi!"

"Noooo!" Mugi had collapsed to her knees where she rocked back and forth, her arms tight around her body. "It's too much... too much..."

Kita now understood what Mio had said about Mugi afraid of being judged due to her families amount of money. She could see herself in that same panicky position, but now she realised she had no idea how to help her.

Luckily Mio was used to this behaviour by now. She helped Mugi up and led her towards the mansion. "Come on, we'll have a great time here, alright? Don't worry about the house."

Ritsu's voice came from the inside. "They left us a tonne of food already cooked and waiting!"

Mugi's wail pierced Kita's ears.

The inside of the house looked just as big as it did on the outside. It had three storeys, the first having a wide kitchen with a long banquet table, a fireplace in the spacious living room, and a flat screen TV. The music room was on the second level and was more like a mini gym with brand new instruments already lining the wall whilst the rest of the space was bare apart from some decorative sculptures. The top floor was the private area with bedrooms and bathrooms. Only needing the bathrooms on this level as they would be sleeping traditionally in sleeping bags downstairs, they left everything untouched.

Back down in the main room with their sleeping bags already set up and the giant lunch eaten, the discussion of the current activities began.

Mio stood as the leader with Azusa at her side. "Alright, who is staying here to do some training with me and Azusa? Kita, didn't you say you want to practice vocals with us?"

She nodded her head enthusiastically. "That's right." She stood with the pair, feeling proud for getting down to work right away and showing that she was serious about redeeming herself from the performance.

Ritsu was digging through her bags. She yelled out triumphantly as she pulled out a pair of bathers. "Well I'm going swimming with Yui, right?" she said, looking over to Yui whom was already stripping off her top layer of clothes to reveal her own bathing attire beneath.

"Yeah! Mugi, how about you?" the twin asked.

Mugi smiled apologetically to Mio, Azusa, and Kita. "I'm sure you three will have fun on your own. I'm going down to the beach as well, but I'll be sure to bring Ritsu and Yui back before dinner and practice."

Mio had been prepared for this. "Alright then, go and drown each other or whatever it is you ant to do. Just come back on time."

The three ran down the halls with their towels, yelling out their excitement. They were like a pack of wild animals, Kita decided, but quickly cast the thought away. These were her friends. She shouldn't think like that. Little did she know that Azusa and Mio were thinking the exact same thing.

They headed up to the music room where the microphone stood gleaming like a shining beacon. Mio could barely keep her hands off of it, wondering aloud how much it cost Mugi's parents, how old it it, if it was used often... In the end Azusa had to hold her back so Kita could adjust it.

Now recovered from her hunger for the microphone, Mio sat on the floor beside Azusa. "What are you going to sing?" she asked.

Kita thought for a moment. "I want to be challenged. The song that I came up with is too easy because I know it perfectly. How about Light and Fluffy Time?"

"Good choice," Azusa said. "That one will test you and we both know it so we can help you out."

Kita felt her nerves raging again even though she knew Mio and Azusa a lot better than she had when she first sung in front of them. She repeated this to herself in her head as she started to sing.

Singing, in Kita's opinion, was a way of releasing the emotions inside. Even if you're feeling exactly the opposite, you can always find that little bit of happiness or humour to bring to life with the words. It was a passion that she didn't even know she had until she had joined the club. She had always just done it as a relief, but now she knew the beauty of it.

"Okay, you're doing great, Kita, but the chorus needs to be a lot louder," Mio said gently.

Taking the information on board, Kita rose her tone higher. Her voice rang through the room, but she barely listened. If she did she would lose herself and make a mistake. She concentrated on the next words and let them flow out of her.

Azusa had her own helpful tips. She stood up and stopped Kita at certain points to fix her posture. She straightened her back, loosened her shoulders, and spread her feet apart squarely.

"Remember to breathe," Mio told her, smiling. "We don't want you to pass out, okay?"

Kita neared the end of the song before she reached her first major mistake. She got the lyrics mixed up with those of another song the band sang. She apologised and tried again, making the same mistake. From that point she was frustrated and messed up again and again even as Mio and Azusa mouthed the words to her.

"Alright," Mio said, standing up and moving into Kita's place at the microphone. "Let me sing those lines for you and maybe it will stay in your head."

No such luck. Kita repeated her mistake again, and this time she could hear the frustration in Azusa's voice, her temper spiking.

"Try to focus, Kita," she said with an edge to her voice. She spoke as though Kita weren't trying at all.

Of course, feeling terrible that she had made a fellow band member mad, Kita was nervous enough to mess up the next time as well, and Mio put a stop to the song altogether.

"This isn't working," she sighed tiredly. She looked at Kita with confusion written on her face. "Is there something bothering you? You need to clear your mind."

"I-I'm trying," Kita muttered.

"We need your voice!" Azusa let the words burst out before she could stop them. She clamped her hand over her mouth. "Sorry, but... it just gets a little frustrating."

Kita's worst fears were being realised. She was weighing them down. She looked to Mio who was wearing an apologetic face.

"Kita, maybe we should take a break. How about we go swimming?" she asked, trying to sound cheerful.

"I can't swim," Kita mumbled, another thing that she failed at. She looked up at Azusa who wouldn't meet her eye. That was one person in the band that wasn't happy with her musical skills. How many others would she upset?

As though sensing that her mood was dropping lower with every second, Mio grasped Kita's arm and pulled her towards the door with Azusa trailing behind. "Come on, I'm sure Ritsu will teach you."

That only made Kita feel worse.

The beach was sweltering hot under the burning sun. Kita was glad that she was wearing a two-piece because she felt exhausted through the heat just as she was.

Ritsu, Yui and Mugi waved them over as they swam some metres out in the water. As Kita, Mio and Azusa approached they seemed to notice that something was wrong. Ritsu was the first to drag herself out of the water.

"Hey, uh... did something happen?" she asked, looking at each of them in turn.

Azusa bowed her head as Mio spoke. "Nothing. We just got a little impatient and decided it was time to cool off. No one did anything wrong." She looked directly at Kita as she spoke, letting the girl know that she had tried her best and it was appreciated. Still, Kita felt further than ever from redeeming herself, let alone opening up to these girls. She wanted nothing more than to hide away in a corner.

"I see..." Ritsu took Kita's hand and pulled her across the sand to the water. "Alright, let's get cooled down then, right?"

"Ritsu, she can't swim!" Mio yelled from behind.

"I'll teach her!" the drummer cried back, not slowing down at all even as they reached the water. Kita's heart hammered in her chest and she cried out in fear, thinking that at any moment Ritsu would let go of her and she would plummet into the dark depths and drown.

Yui appeared at her side and splashed salty water into her face in greeting. "Let me help too!"

Mugi was floating on her back with a blown-up turtle keeping her afloat from beneath. She had a steaming cup of tea in her hand and frowned as Ritsu pulled Kita closer towards her. "I only have one cup," she sad sadly. "I'm sorry."

"She doesn't need tea," Ritsu said dismissively. "Do you think she could borrow that floaty?"

Mugi handed over the floating turtle and Kita clambered on, anything to be away from the bottomless water. She gripped the sides tightly, hanging on for dear life.

Yui couldn't help but laugh. "You look more like a cat than Azusa does!" she exclaimed.

Mio was yelling to them from the shore and they all turned as her voice travelled over the water. "Keep her safe! If anything goes wrong, bring her back here!"

"Obviously," Ritsu said, rolling her eyes. She turned back to Kita with an evil smile on her face. "For your lesson today, I will be your teacher."

"And me!" Yui chimed in.

"Me too!" Mugi didn't want to miss out on all the fun.

Kita struggled to find her voice in the chaos she was sure would unfold. "A-are you sure you want to teach me?" she asked, hoping against everything that they would change their minds.

"Absolutely! If we don't then you won't be able to enjoy your time here," Ritsu said.

"Besides," Yui added. "We're your friends. We don't mind."

Mugi nodded her head in a agreement. Her tea had mysteriously disappeared.

Kita gave in and decided that maybe this would be a good thing for her. She kicked her legs out in the water and propelled herself around for a while with the three girls close at hand. It wasn't long before Ritsu took the blow up turtle and returned it to Mugi. "Now I want to see you doing the same thing without the turtle."

With her stomach twisting and her hands shaking even in the warm water, Kita allowed herself to trust in them to save her if anything went wrong, so she started kicking her legs. At first she sank right down and Ritsu had to drag her back up, but the second time she managed to float with Yui and Mugi holding her up. They released her and she started to swim away, but she didn't fall beneath the surface.

"Good progress!" Ritsu said proudly. "How does it feel?"

How did it feel? Amazing. Kita had never been to the ocean before, and she had rarely swam except for at her childhood swimming lessons in her school at the local pool. She felt as though she were flying through the water with wings. It felt so soothing and calming that she forgot all about the mistakes during her vocal training and the anger that Azusa had shown. She felt free.

"This is amazing," she breathed.

"Amazing?" Mugi raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever been in the ocean?"

Kita shook her head, her smile still bright on her face. "No, this is my first time. I can't believe how good this feels! It's like all of my worries are far away..." She floated on her back and closed her eyes, letting the calm of the gentle waves carry her.

"Well you're easily impressed," Ritsu said. "I guess it is relaxing though." She followed Kita's example and laid back to float peacefully on the surface.

_I could forget everything like this, _Kita thought, a smile spreading across her face. _I can finally relax just like my mother wanted, and I can stop worrying about everything. I've never felt so undisturbed before..._

It seemed they were just beginning to drift off when Mio's voice brought them back to reality. "Hey, it's time for dinner!"

Kita jumped and thrashed out as she fell beneath the surface. She was in the darkness of the water, unable to make anything out but shadows. For a moment she was frightened again, but as she floated there in the dark, she began to calm. It was just like on the surface, only she felt warmer beneath. It was as though nothing could hurt her in the water, like none of the worries could get through.

Yui fell before her with cloud of bubbles surrounding her. Her cheeks were puffed out with the breath she held. She grasped Kita's arm and pulled her back up to the surface, back up to the painful reality.

Kita took in a breath as the air hit her. She filled her lungs again with the much needed oxygen as Yui poked her head face in front of her.

"Kitty, are you okay?" she asked.

Ritsu had her arms crossed as she floated behind. Mugi looked frightened as though she were facing a drowned victim for the first time.

Kita nodded her head. "I'm fine, don't worry. I just lost my balance for a moment."

As though not trusting her opinion, Yui turned to Ritsu.

"She looks fine," the drummer said. She began wading back towards the shore, keeping her eye on Kita. "Come on, lets go back before Mio is forced to come out here and herd us in."

As they swam back towards the beach Kita wondered what it was about the ocean that calmed her so and made her feel safe. The gentleness was so soothing that she rested her hand on the small waves that pressed against her. She would be coming back here if she needed the release, that she was sure of.

Back at the house, Kita felt the difference between calm emotions and raging emotions. Azusa still wasn't speaking to her, and although she looked as though she felt terribly guilty, Kita knew that she was stubborn, and she also knew that she was right. She was becoming a weight that they all had to carry.

Mio tried to keep the pair away from each other as they helped to cook in the kitchen. She gave Kita easy jobs as though she didn't think she would be able to handle the harder things that she tackled, but Kita didn't blame her. They didn't know anything about her really, so for all they knew she couldn't cook at all.

She missed the sea already and found herself looking out of the window at the sink that gave her the perfect view of the great blue waves. She only stopped gazing out when a giant ocean cruiser swept into the view and a hysterical Mugi pulled the curtains across. She was immediately on her phone, arguing with her family.

Yui was more worried about Kita than any of the other girls. She could see that something had changed. It was a bitter-sweet smile on her friend's face. She had been so much happier out in the sea, but now that she was inside she was faced with the problems and uncomfortable feelings again around these girls that were little more than strangers.

"Kitty, do you need some help?" Yui asked as she stepped into the kitchen. She wanted to stay with her more than anything because she felt that at the moment she needed a friend.

Kita smiled and nodded her head. "That would be great."

"Don't add chocolate to anything, Yui," Mio said. "Kita, keep an eye on her. She's got fast reflexes when it comes to chocolate."

Mio was right. Three times Kita had been caught out with a fat block of dark chocolate in her hands. It as amazing that she could detect it in a house she had never been in before.

Once dinner was cooking, Kita felt exhausted. All of the emotions were taking their toll on her. She was afraid that the girls would no longer want her in the band, she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to open up, she was afraid that she would make more mistakes, and she was afraid that this trip would be a bad experience for her all together.

"Kita? What is it? You look so tired." Yui was watching her closely as she washed the vegetables beneath the tap.

Kita shook her head. "I feel a little tired, actually."

Mio grasped the vegetables that Kita held. "Go and get some rest. Azusa, Yui, and I can finish up in here," she said as she took the vegetables into her own hands.

Grateful for the allowed reprieve, Kita headed out of the kitchen area to her sleeping bag. She didn't bother changing as dinner would be ready soon. She slipped inside for the warmth and soft comfort and closed her eyes.

It was only minutes later that the talking started.

Mio's was the first voice that Kita heard. It rang from the kitchen as she spoke to everyone, including Ritsu and Mugi who were chatting at the table. "She looked dead on her feet. No wonder, too. She's been trying really hard."

Ritsu sighed and placed down the fork she had been fidgeting with. "You're right, she really is trying. Is it enough though?"

Kita's heart skipped a beat. She listened closer.

"Don't say that," Mio said, but her heart wasn't in her words. She leaned against the kitchen bench and shook her head. "Regardless of whether it's enough or not, we need to keep trying."

"We are," Azusa said quickly, abandoning the half-chopped potatoes to turn and stare across the kitchen at Mio. "We're all trying really hard, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm not blaming her for that, but it's going to cause problems for the band."

There was a moment of silence. They all knew it was true. Kita's heart plummeted.

"I don't like talking about her like this when she's sleeping," Mugi said sadly. "I don't even like the way this discussion is going."

Ritsu ran a hand through her hair and sucked in a breath. "Neither do I, but I have to agree with Azusa. She isn't strong enough to grasp her musical skills, let alone let any of us in which is also crucial to being a member of this band. It's going to mean trouble in the future."

"Don't kick her out!" Yui begged, her voice loud. They all 'shushed' her and she sank back against the sink. "Sorry, but I really don't want any of you to kick her out. Please."

"That won't be happening." As always, Mrs Sawa appeared from nowhere. Mio collapsed to the tiles in fright and the teacher had to cover her mouth to muffle the laughter. All of the girls stared at her with bulging eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Ritsu whispered, astonished. "Where the heck did you come from?"

Mrs Sawa shrugged as though it were nothing. "I have my ways. You didn't think you could leave me all alone in that school, did you?"

Mugi stared down at her empty plate. "I'm sorry, I should have invited you."

The teacher waved her hand through the air. "Don't worry about it. All I'm concerned about right now is Kita and her position in this band. No one is kicking her out because you need her and she needs you."

Azusa let out a long breath. "She won't open up to us though, and it's making teaching her hard. I can't handle it when she makes mistakes because she won't let me close enough to become a friend."

"I know," Mrs Sawa said, making them all wonder if she had been watching them all this time. "I know that it's hard, but I am telling you that if you keep trying you'll break through her shell. Once that happens, everything will be fine."

"But how do we do that?" Mio asked seriously, almost desperately.

"Give her time. You never know what the future holds. Something could change everything for the better, and when it does you will thank me for convincing you to keep her."

They all stood in her wisdom and slowly nodded their heads. Maybe it would all work out.

"I feel terrible now. Why do I always get left with saying the hard stuff?" Mio complained.

"Well, it doesn't matter now," Yui said happily. "She's staying with us, and we'll all keep trying to help her out!"

All eyes turned to Kita, watching her as she pretended to sleep. They were all thinking of the same thing. How long would it take for her barriers to break down?

"Too long," Kita whispered to herself. "It will take too long."

Of course, as usual, they were all wrong.

The next day would change everything.


	10. Break

**Chapter Ten**

**Break**

Sleep didn't come easily to Kita. She hadn't had a night free of unease or nightmares since her mother had been hospitalised, and that night in the beach house was no different.

She sat up and rubbed her tired eyes. The rest of the girls were sprawled around her in their own sleeping bags, Mrs Sawa being the odd one out wrapped in a blanket as she murmured in her sleep. Kita was sure that there was something not quite right about the woman.

The night was getting darker and darker and the grand father clock chimed midnight near the front door. Not one of the girls stirred, but Kita was already on her feet and walking. She couldn't stand being in the dark room surrounded by the people that she barely knew. She felt too homesick, and her thoughts began to focus on her mother. It made her stomach tie itself into knots.

Ever since the conversation that had taken place before dinner, she had known that this would be a hard night. The band members discussing her future with them had been exactly what Kita had been hoping to avoid. However, it looked like her efforts of opening up were not enough, and neither was her will to use her skills. She was just too weak, too shy, and too afraid.

She remembered how calming the sea had been and strode towards the front door without any thought. Her feet led the way and she followed, stepping out into the night and shutting the door silently behind her. She walked the short distance to the sand, then didn't stop until she felt too tired to walk any further. She sat down on the cold, dark sand beneath the moon and wondered what she could do to be the Kita everyone else wanted to see.

_Mum, _she thought, looking up at the starry sky. _I need you here. I need you to tell me that everything will be alright. _She didn't care how pathetic she looked, wishing for her mother to hold her hand through the trip. She missed her too much to keep the thought out of her head. She wished so much that she could be sure that she was okay.

Then, at that moment, she felt it. A freezing hand of foreboding clenched tightly over her heart and she knew that something was wrong. Something had happened to her mother.

In her pocket, her cell phone began to ring. She dug her hand in and pulled it out, shoving it to her ear with a pounding heart in her throat. "Mum?"

No. It was a nurse carrying grave news. It was news that would change everything.

"Is this Kita?"

Kita recognised the woman's voice. It was the kind nurse that filled her in on her mother's condition often. "Yes, it's me," she said, her hands shaking. Something was wrong. So, so, wrong.

For a moment the woman didn't reply. She took in a breath before she spoke. "Kita, are you sitting down?"

"Yes."

"Good. What I'm about to tell you will come as a shock."

Kita's insides seemed to stop. She waited. "What?"

"It's your mother," the nurse said, her voice tight as she told someone the last thing they would want to hear. "An hour ago she had another heart attack. An emergency operation was performed... She died five minutes ago."

Everything fell away.

Nothing moved.

The world was still.

Kita heard a scream and didn't realise it was hers until her lungs ran out of air and stung deep in her chest. She fell to her knees, her mind struggling to keep up with what she had just heard. It couldn't be true. It was all too fast.

It was just too fast.

The scream pierced echoed through the house, waking all of the girls quite suddenly. They stared around at each other, silent questions hanging in the air.

Yui was completely incompetent in the morning no matter how early or late it was. She sat up quickly, her eyes darting around. "Where's the cheese?" she screamed, her mind still stuck in her dream.

Mrs Sawa was more alert than any of them, already on her feet and looking towards the window. She stepped closer and stared outside. All she could see were the shadows of the palms in the small front garden. She couldn't see through.

"What is it?" Mio asked, standing beside her. "Is there anyone out there?"

"Kita's gone." Azusa's face was white as she looked down at the unzipped sleeping bag that lay discarded.

The situation was grave. They all realised now how familiar that scream sounded. Yui was the first to put a voice to the thoughts swirling in the room. "Kita's in trouble."

Mrs Sawa, being the adult, took charge right away. "Everyone, we're going to look for her. Put on your warm clothes and lets head out." She spoke like a commander, making each request an order. "Be quick about it girls. Mugi, does anyone else live around here?"

The beach was private just for Mugi's family. They were some distance from any nearby town as well, at least an hour away. It was a little calming to know that it was unlikely that a drunk had wandered onto the beach, but the tension in the room was still thick. Guilt cloaked each girl heavily, especially Azusa. She stared down at the empty sleeping bag with tears welling in her eyes.

"It's my fault she's in trouble," she said quietly.

Yui pulled her into a hug, shaking her head. "No it's not, Azu-nya. Don't say things like that."

Mrs Sawa had her own words of sympathy. "Don't beat yourself up. Instead get dressed and come out with us to find her. Consider that your redemption."

Azusa, in a tight embrace with Yui, nodded her head. "A-alright, I'll come with you."

The girl's had been thinking well to gather warm clothes. Outside the wind had a chilly bite and swept over them in icy waves. They huddled close together, looking out over the tops of the flowing jackets and jumpers to search for their missing band member.

No words came from Mrs Sawa. She knew that she was responsible for these kids the moment she had turned up in the house. If anything happened to Kita she would be in a lot of trouble, not to mention the weight it would have on her conscience.

The scream was dead in the air, having past but leaving it's eerie ring. They remembered it better now that they were outside and searching for the owner of that voice. It echoed through their minds, a scream of despair and heartache.

"What's that?" Mio's sudden voice caught everyone's attention. They all stopped quickly in the sand and looked to where she was pointing.

There, half-buried in the sand, was Kita's mobile phone.

The ocean waves sighed quietly as they lapped at the shore. The water was alarmingly close by. Mrs Sawa and Ritsu broke away from the group and walked along the shoreline, searching fearfully for their friend.

Azusa was bending down at the mobile. It was a flip style phone, and it was still hanging open. On the screen was a number unknown to Azusa, and as she lifted it to her ear she let out a startled yelp.

"Someone's on the other line!" she gasped, passing the phone up to Mio.

Taking the mobile to her ear, Mio could hear a woman's worried voice on the other end. "Hello? Kita, please answer me! This is nurse Kazaki!"

"H-hello?" Mio said.

Ritsu cried out from the shore in shock. There had been a discovery on the beach. Walking through the water was a shadowy form. They stepped into the waves as they crashed against her. She didn't stop once as though she were in a trance. Twice she was knocked down, and she just pulled herself up out of the water and continued to walk.

Yui was beside herself with fear. She rushed over towards the water with Azusa, Mugi, and Mio, who was still listening to the woman on the end of the phone.

"What is she doing?" Mugi asked, her tone unusually high and tight.

Mrs Sawa was already pulling off her jacket and glasses. "She's either paving a way to China through the sea, or she's..." She trailed off, realising that it was probably something the girls didn't want to hear.

"She's trying to drown herself," Ritsu said, filling in the lost words. She took one glance at Mrs Sawa as though that was all she needed for permission, then pulled off her shoes and her jumper.

"No," the teacher said firmly, already stepping into the light waves. "Don't follow me, Ritsu."

Of course, Ritsu was never one to listen. She stepped after the teacher. "I can swim. It'll be easier with the two of us."

Mrs Sawa turned to glare at her, but there wasn't time to do anything else. She sighed in frustration and gave in. "Don't make me have to save two student's tonight, Ritsu. Please don't make it hard on me."

"I won't," the determined drummer said, and her and the teacher began to race off into the water.

Yui ran to catch up with them, waving her arms in the air and shouting for the speedy pair to wait for her. Mugi caught her around the waist and pulled her away from the water where she fell to her knees and began to cry.

Azusa stood rigid like a stone statue, staring out at Kita as she waded dangerously deep in the water. She watched her carefully, not daring to imagine what it would be like that far out. "It's my fault," she chanted, shaking from head to toe. "It's my fault she ended up like this."

Mio had the phone mashed tensely to her ear as though being on the line with this nurse would make everything okay, that with medical help so close Kita would be fine. She didn't dare think of how far away this woman was. She just kept on talking.

"What's going on?" the nurse asked firmly. "Where is Kita?"

She had a formal way of talking, so Mio assumed she knew Kita personally. "Please, tell me what's happened to her," she pleaded, assuming that Kita had a medical problem. "Why is she doing this!"

Nurse Kazaki could scarcely understand what she was hearing. "What are you talking about? Tell me what's happening!"

Mio watched as the dark smudge that was Kita disappeared beneath the water. Mrs Sawa and Ritsu were still some metres away, and as they saw her sink beneath the surface they dove beneath in pursuit. She swallowed and turned away. She didn't want to see anymore.

"Hello? Are you still there?"

"Y-yes. Kita, she... she's trying to drown herself in the ocean..."

"What!" nurse Kazaki gasped. She took a deep breath and Mio could practically hear her heart beating fast in her chest. "This... this is because of the news. I should have broken it lighter with her."

"What news?" Mio asked, her eyes darting back to the sea just as Ritsu and Mrs Sawa surfaced again, holding a limp Kita between them. "What's going on?" she demanded.

The nurse was quiet for a moment, then she spoke with forced calm. "I don't know how much she has told you, but her mother just died five minutes ago after her operation. Kita must he so distraught..." Her voice broke again into sadness, but Mio wasn't listening anymore. Ms Sawa and Ritsu were swimming up to the sand and Yui was fighting to rush in and help them. Mugi couldn't hold her by herself.

"I'm sorry," Mio gasped, letting the phone drop to the sand so she could run over and stop Yui. She caught her around the middle and dragged her down to the sand as she sobbed hysterically.

Mugi cried on Mio's shoulder as they lay on the shore line, waiting for the worst news as Ritsu and Mrs Sawa swam the last metres. Azusa was standing at the very edge of the water, waiting with her hands clasped together as though in prayer.

Ritsu sagged under the water-logged weight of Kita. She had her arm tight around her as she dragged her through the waves, keeping her head above the surface. She glanced at Mrs Sawa, wishing that she would say something encouraging, but her face was blank as she stepped silently through the waves, using all of her strength to hoist up the lifeless girl between them.

When they dove beneath the surface, Mrs Sawa decided that it was the most afraid she had been been in her life. Watching Kita fall beneath the waves had been almost too much to comprehend, but diving down after her to find her had somehow broken through to her realisation, and the weight of the situation was a heavy one to hold. Now she had the girl hanging half over her shoulder, and she couldn't even check to see if she was breathing yet. It was hard waiting for her heavy legs to drag her to the shore, but it was harder leaving the young Ritsu to guess at what would happen next, let alone the other girls that waited for them anxiously.

_Your a teacher, _she kept telling herself in her head. _You have to take responsibility and fix things, even if it's impossible. Don't let them see a death at such a young age, especially not amongst their own bond._

Could she do it? Could she do the impossible?

The pair were barely at the shallow end of the sea when Azusa came crashing towards them, flinging spray up to the cold wind. She paused as she reached them, having not planned beyond that point, but her logical mind took control and she stood in front of them, grasping Kita's slack arm and pulling both her and the two holding her towards the beach.

Mio and Mugi finally released Yui, confident that she wouldn't drown herself in one foot of water. She raced over to the four as they began to drag Kita. To Yui it looked so uncomfortable for her friend, her face only half out of the water as her body pulled along layers of sand with it. "Your hurting her," she sobbed, but her words were ignored.

Mrs Sawa, showing amazing strength, yanked Kita by the arm and she came almost completely out of the shallow surf. Mio and Mugi had approached and watched from the side with frightened, pale faces as the teacher pulled the newest member of the band clear from the water.

None of the girls knew what to do, including Ritsu. She kneeled at Kita's side, watching her fearfully, waiting to see her draw a breath or move a finger. She did nothing, and she turned her eyes up to Mrs Sawa expectantly.

_You're a teacher, _the woman told herself again, looking down at Kita with fear clutching her heart. _Don't let them all down, including Kita. You told her everything would be okay. _The memory jabbed her like a cold knife, but it also gave her the flames of courage she needed. She bent down at Kita's side and laid her ear to her chest, waiting and waiting, hoping and willing.

The girls all watched, all fearing the same fear and panic itching inside. Yui's cries were the only sound in the silence. Ritsu reached out and pat her on the back soothingly, her eyes never leaving Kita's face as though at any moment her eyes would open.

Mio was shaking. Out of everything in the world that scared her, watching a friend who could very well be dead was the worst. Mugi shivered beside her, holding her arms tightly around herself as she closed her eyes and whispered under her breath. Was she praying? Mio reached out and clutched her hand. If she knew how, she too would be praying.

Azusa, feeling more guilt than words could comprehend, couldn't even stand. She kneeled in the sand, her eyes staring as she imagined what Kita's last moments would have been like in the water, drowning. Would she remember the horrible lesson they had taken that day? Would she remember Azusa's anger and impatience. She couldn't bare if after a few moments and loose tears rolled down her cheeks.

Mrs Sawa listened for Kita's heart beat, for that sign that she was still alive. _This can't be it, _she thought. _I can't let it end like this. _

A heart beat, so faint and small that Mrs Sawa almost missed it. She listened harder, her ear pressing against Kita's stilled chest. Another beat, now a gentle rhythm, but she needed to breathe.

"Please, Kita," the teacher whispered. "You can do this." She lifted her ear away and held a hand above the girl's nose, waiting to feel the warmth of her breath. Instead, she received a mouthful of water.

Kita coughed up all over Mrs Sawa who had jumped out of the way a little too late. She didn't mind though. The relief was enough to make her laugh out loud.

The girls that surrounded them let out cheers of joy, then rushed in to gather Kita up in a hug. They cried all over each other, but refused to release. They held on as though for dear life.

"Alright, girls, give her some room to breathe," Mr Sawa said, her hands on her hips as she smiled down at Kita. She gave her a small wink. "I knew you could do it, kid."

Kita, who had no idea what was going on, was lost in the moment of reunion. She allowed herself to be enveloped by the girls around her and soaked in the feeling of belonging and the love of friendship... then she remembered the phone call.

Mrs Sawa had Kita's mobile phone in her hand. She checked the screen to see that there was no pending caller on the other line, waiting for a reply. Not yet knowing the details of the conversation, she shrugged and held onto it until Kita was well again.

Yui was holding her arms around her knew newest friend as though she were a giant teddy. "Kitty, you scared me so much!" she half yelled, half cried in her ear.

Kita was in a stunned state, the near death experience and the fateful phone call that had turned everything upside down swirling in her head. It was a dangerous mix. She felt her stomach churning and pushed the others girls out of the way before she vomited on the wet sand.

Mrs Sawa rushed over and slapped her back until the water and other unmentionable stomach contents were cleared.

"Someone pass me a jacket," she said, her hand pressed to Kita's forehead.

Azusa knew that the sacrifice was hers to be made and she made it without any hesitation. "Here." She handed her jacket over to the teacher who then draped it over Kita's shaking shoulders. She would wait for the answer as to what Kita had hoped to achieve through drowning herself. For now, she needed to nurse her back to health.

As a group, they all headed back up to the house. Yui helped Mrs Sawa to support Kita who hadn't uttered a single word. She couldn't even face reality in her state. She was thinking of her mother's death and how the depths of the sea that had swallowed her up seemed to reflect the drowning feeling inside, and in all of the chaos it had caused, it had been so calming.

Inside of the house, Mrs Sawa took Kita to the bathroom to dry her off and change her clothes, leaving the rest of the band members to talk amongst themselves in the main room.

Yui was still devastated, wondering why Kita would try to kill herself like that. "I can't believe it," she gasped, holding her hands tightly together as they shook. She had never faced a situation in which she had to take everything seriously. It had come so naturally to her, but she certainly hadn't enjoyed it.

Azusa was crying quietly to herself on the couch. "What if it was me who-who caused this? I... I shouldn't have snapped at her..."

Mio sat down beside the weeping girl and pulled her arm around her. "It's not your fault, Azusa."

"Than what was it?" Ritsu was on edge. She was practically sitting on the very lip of her seat as her eyes darted from each girl individually. "What was it that pushed her too far?"

Mugi looked so uncomfortable. She had drained three cups of tea and was on her fourth. It trembled at her lips.

Mio shot Ritsu a glare. "Lets stop talking about it for now. Wait until Mrs Sawa comes out and we'll discuss things."

"Do you think she knows?" Yui asked, her voice lacking it's usual hype.

Azusa looked towards the hall, listening to the sounds of a hair-dryer on full blast. "I wonder if she does. Kita seemed drawn to her in some way." She spoke through the tears, but her voice was audible. "Mrs Sawa would be a good confident I guess."

Mio sank back into the sofa, hoping that none of them would bring up the phone conversation she had on Kita's mobile. She didn't want to be the one to tell them the truth, that Kita's mother was dead. She didn't understand it herself, but she didn't want them asking her questions she couldn't answer.She wanted to wait like the rest of them and breathe more sighs of relief that Kita was alive and safe.

"It was scary," Yui said suddenly, her voice haunted. "I've never seen anything like that in real life. I've seen it on TV, but the suspense is nothing compared to reality."

Ritsu was nodding her head, though whether it was in agreement or the need to simply move, none of them were sure.

Mugi cleared her throat before she spoke, not trusting her voice. "It was frightening. I don't think I will ever be able to step foot in this house without thinking of it."

They all fell silent as they realised that this would be harder on Mugi in her own way as this was one of her family holiday homes that she probably spent a lot of time at during the holidays. She still looked calm and strong though, keeping her composure up as she sipped away at her tea.

Mrs Sawa appeared in the doorway a few moments later. She leaned against the frame, her body looking weary from all of the work.

"Is Kita okay?" Yui asked, worried that there may have been a relapse.

Mrs Sawa nodded, pushing her glasses further up the ridge of her nose. "Yes, she's sleeping now in one of the spare beds. I hope that's okay, Mugi."

The blonde nodded her head. Anything at that moment would be fine, as long as she was safe.

"Good. I thought she could use some quiet for the night. Anyway, I suppose I owe all of you an explanation. You deserve to know the truth seeing as she is your friend." She strode over to the couches and sat down beside Yui, getting all of her thoughts in order.

Mio knew that this was her chance to speak. "Um, maybe I could start off until you can sort out everything," she said, leaning forward on the couch so everyone could hear. "I picked up Kita's mobile that she had dropped on the beach and there was a nurse on the other end. She asked me what was going on, and I told her that Kita was trying to drown herself. She panicked and told me that her mother had died after an operation only minutes before." She turned to Mrs Sawa, her own hunger for the remaining answers now growling. "Mrs Sawa, what was wrong with her mother?"

Mrs Sawa bowed her head. "It makes sense now... Her mother didn't pull through..." She jerked, seeming to remember that she was meant to be addressing all of the girls. "You see, she told me the day after that expelled student punched her that when she was little her mother became sick and she would have heart attacks instantaneously since then throughout her life. Her father left and it was just mother and daughter. Last year her mother was hospitalised and has been in the hospital since. She must have had another attack and died in the operation sometime this evening..."

Another moment of silence, each girl thinking their own thoughts. No one was surprised when Yui broke the silence as she always did.

"Is this why she has always been so shy and quiet?" she asked. "Because she was always thinking of her mother?"

"Sort of," Mrs Sawa said. "She was always by her mother's side and shut off from the rest of the world so she could dedicate her time to her. Also, she has become afraid of many things as her mother's sudden heart attacks traumatised her."

Yui's eyes filled with tears. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"She was afraid that you would judge her," Mrs Sawa said gently. "She knows that adult don't do things like that, so she came to me after I prodded her for the answer. Bust trust me, Yui, she truly does care for you. I can see it every day. She looks to you to hold her up as she tries to get to know you all. She promised me that she would open up more, like I said, but this event-"

"Could be the perfect opportunity," Ritsu interrupted. As the others stared at her, she shrugged her shoulders. "Think about it. We can take care of her now and prove to her that she doesn't have to do this alone."

Mio looked both shocked and disgusted. "Ritsu, imagine what she's feeling right now! Do you think she's going to let anyone in?"

"We'll barge in if we have to!" Ritsu shouted, her fist punching through the air. "It may be the only way to teach her that we're here."

Shaking her head, Mio shouted back at her friend. "That's not going to help her any, if we force her to see that were trying to help! Doesn't it sound wrong to you!"

Mugi cleared her throat and tapped the tea cup against the table. It caught everyone's attention and she took her moment to speak. "I believe you are both right. Ritsu, we should take this chance to prove to her that we will be here for her, and Mio, I believe we should be very careful and try our best not to leap on her with our support, so to speak. We should take it easy with her, but also make it clear that we care and that we want to be her pillars of support."

Mrs Sawa let out a tired laugh. "I thought I was meant to be the teacher here. Well put, Mugi."

The blonde blushed and hid behind her empty cup of tea.

Azusa sniffed, the last of her tears falling away. "You're right. We have to help her out through this. It's what I would want if I were in her situation."

Mio released a long breath and gave Ritsu an apologetic smile from across the room. The drummer simply nodded her head. Their childhood friendship gave them the link they needed to communicate without words.

Yui's face brightened up for the first time that night and she bore a happy smile. "I can do that! I did really well on the first day, right?"

"That's true, Yui, you did do well," Mugi agreed. "You convinced her to join us."

"I did, right?"

"Don't get too excited," Mrs Sawa warned, denting Yui's happiness. "Tomorrow you should all act normal and make sure you don't bring it up at all. She'll be in shock, and I'm sure the last thing she will need is help. We'll wait until the shock passes."

"Yeah, I've watched a documentary on a drummer once who lost his family in an accident, and when he was in shock he acted like it never happened. Someone brought it up when he was in this state and he had to face the truth. It almost cost him his life because he tried to hang himself." Ritsu spoke with her arms crossed over her chest and only realised that it was a horrible thing to say until she caught Mio's piercing eyes.

"Ritsu, shut up," the dark haired girl said.

"So does everyone understand?" Mrs Sawa looked tired and was clearly itching to crawl into the bed in the spare bedroom and sleep where she could also keep an eye on Kita.

Everyone nodded, heeding both Mrs Sawa's warning and Ritsu's story.

"One more thing," the teacher said as they all began to slide off of the couch and head to their sleeping bags. She continued as they gave her their attention again. "Don't blame yourselves for this. No one is to blame when things like that happen."

Hearing the strength of her words, the other girls all nodded quickly and agreed not to put the blame on themselves. Azusa stared at the ground hard as though she found it fascinating and Mrs Sawa placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Azusa, that means you too," she said, smiling through her shining glasses. "I don't want you to think that it was your fault, because it wasn't. It was her mother's death that made her head out into the sea, not you."

Azusa didn't realise that she was crying until Mrs Sawa pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her tears away. Blushing, the student slipped into her sleeping bag. "Alright, but I'll try really hard to help her."

"I hope you do," Mrs Sawa said as she rose. She looked towards the stairs, her face sad as she wondered about the emotions Kita must have been feeling when she made that decision.

That night, none of them got to sleep until very late, but they held onto the knowledge that their new friend Kita was safe and alive with them, and that Mrs Sawa was there to guard the door just in case.


	11. Here For You

**Chapter Eleven**

**Here For You**

Kita's memory was fuzzy when she opened her eyes. Everything looked different. She couldn't hear the waves from the sea, nor could she feel Yui's hands tugging at her in her sleep. She looked at the roof that was lighter than the one she had stared at the day before. She had been moved, and she began to remember why.

Her mother was dead. The wound that seared her heart began to burn again and she pressed a hand to her chest. The song she had sung those years ago at her bedside bleared inside of her mind. She had faced her worst fear, but she had failed. She had gone down to the sea to feel that release again. She had been so desperate.

A snore to her left caught her attention and she sat up to see Mrs Sawa sleeping in a bed beside hers, her mouth hanging open slackly. Kita couldn't help but feel grateful that she had been willing to stay to keep an eye on her, but it made her wonder how worried she had made her friends.

Her stomach was empty, and she needed to fill it. She stepped out of her bed and headed towards the stairs, trying to fit the pieces of the night back together.

She could recall the conversation on the phone almost perfectly, every word being another knife shoved deeply into her heart. They twisted now as she thought the words again, the icy fate that she now faced. Everything had been for nothing. The sacrifice she had made by pushing the world away seemed pointless. Her mother had promised her that she would remain, and Kita should have known that she was lying, that it was impossible. She only wished that the impossible had been possible just this once, just for her.

She walked down the stairs as quietly as she could, her eyes resting on the sleeping forms of her friends sprawled out on the living room carpet. She reached the landing and slunk across, her feet soft on the floorboards. Their faces were blank as they rested, but she could see tears stained on Yui's and Azusa's faces. She had hurt them more than the others with her act, and she began to wonder if it was such a good idea in the end. Where had it gotten her, after all? Nowhere.

There was a surprise waiting for Kita in the kitchen. She wasn't the only one up. Mio, not expecting any of the others to feel up to cooking after the night's scare, was cooking scrambled eggs and toast for them all. She jumped at the sound of Kita's startled gasp and the pair turned to stare at each other, questions hanging in the air between them.

Mio was the first to remember what Mrs Sawa had said about not approaching Kita about her mother's death. She locked away the questions she burned to answer and instead shared a normal greeting with her. "Morning, Kita. Breakfast will be ready in a little while, so if you want to rest some more go ahead."

Kita almost fell backwards into one of the kitchen chairs. Surely they would have worked it out by now about her mother, and even then, she had almost died! Why was Mio acting as though that were nothing?

The eggs sizzled as they began to burn, and Mio let out a swear. She was acting out of character, and it all began to make sense to Kita. That's what it was. An act.

Mio faced her again, her smile refusing to falter, but it screamed out 'fake.' "Did you want to help? I-it's fine if you don't, s-so don't worry... Uhh, actually, forget I asked! You don't want to help out!"

If Kita had been in the mood, she would have laughed. Mio should be the last person to pretend that the events of the night had been nothing at all. "So you know?" she asked, trying to sound calm when her heart was still tearing with the news. "You know that my mum died?"

Mio almost bit on her tongue in surprise, her next words to try and keep up the charade dying in her throat. "K-Kita... Yeah, I heard the nurse on your phone, and Mrs Sawa filled us in on the rest..."

Kita nodded her head, loosening the first tears. "I see. I should have seen it coming all of this time, but you can't prepare for it. You really can't."

"Kita, I need to know," Mio said, standing close behind her friend as she turned to hide her tears. "Were you trying to kill yourself last night? Please, tell me, because I can't believe that you were."

Kita's heart pounded in her ears. Was she trying to kill herself? Surely not, but she just couldn't remember clearly. She paused for a moment to think, swimming through the thick mess of thoughts. She had been standing with the water lapping at her feet hungrily. She needed a release, but just for the moment. The water had calmed her so well before that she headed out looking for that momentary serenity. She had not been looking for death.

"No," she said finally, shaking her head in disgust. "No, I just wanted to forget everything for a moment, but I didn't want to die out there."

Before Kita could prepare herself, Mio had thrown her arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Thank God. I... we all thought..." She let out a long breath and stayed silent.

Kita's tears began to fall freely as she wrapped her arms around Mio. Never had she thought that they would be so scared for her life. Never had she expected them to act like this around her. The touching moment meant more to Kita than anyone could ever understand, for she felt that she truly was not alone anymore.

"Well this is touching."

Both Mio and Kita jumped back as though they had done something wrong. Standing at the side of the kitchen was Ritsu with her hands on her hips, smiling suspiciously. Behind her the other girls crept forward, wrapped in blankets, wearing emotions on their faces that ranged form guilt to relief.

"Kitty, I'm so happy that you're okay!" Yui gasped as she ran full speed at the girl and jumped into her arms. She cried on her shoulder and laughed at the same time, leaving her in hiccups. "And I'm so glad that you were just out for a swim."

'Out for a swim' was still not the way that Kita would have put it, but at least the girl understood that death wasn't the real goal she had been searching for.

Ritsu nodded her head in agreement, her smirk fading. "You even had me scared out there, Kita."

Azusa was crying, and Mugi draped an arm around her trembling shoulders and said, "It's alright now. She's okay."

"I-I know," Azusa whimpered. "But I-I shouldn't have snapped at her."

"Do you blame Azusa?" Ritsu asked Kita.

Kita was shocked at the question. "No, of course not."

"See," Ritsu said, turning to Azusa and giving her the thumbs up. "Everything is okay."

Azusa looked to Kita and although the girl looked just how she felt, as though she had lost the dearest person to her, she still nodded her head to tell Azusa that it was okay.

"We're all sorry anyway," Mio said. "For anything we said that might have upset you, or for ever becoming impatient with you."

They all cared. That was a hard concept for Kita to understand. It couldn't get far past the sadness that pulsed inside of her that her mother's death had left her with, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling either.

Mrs Sawa entered the kitchen then, making it quite crowded. "Good to see you're still here," she said.

The room was buzzing with relief and the general warmth of caring, but Kita was deeply saddened by not only her mother's recent death, but also by the words that hung on the end of the tongue now.

"I should have told you all," she said, forcing the words out as she pushed the sadness deeper inside. They needed to hear this. "You were trying to hard to be my friends and I couldn't even tell you something important like this. If I did, you could have helped me."

Yui was the speaker for the entire group. "No, Kitty. We know that you had it tough and shut out the world to make things easier. You were used to concealing that sort of thing, so don't worry about that. We don't blame you."

"Besides," Mugi added, pushing forward to pass an early morning cup of tea to Kita. "We were willing to give you time to open up to us. It still makes no difference. If we need to, we'll wait, but we will always be beside you anyway."

Kita's tears of sorrow ended and instead they fell filled with hope. She felt that new faith blooming inside. It was small at first, but she knew that with time it would grow. She had lost her mother and with her also the most important relationship to her in the world, but in it's place she could build these new friendships.

For their sake as much as hers, she would try.

It was decided that the girls would stay behind for another day to stabilise Kita and prepare her for living in the normal world again without her mother. It was also giving them a chance to get more practice in, much to Ritsu's dismay.

Mrs Sawa, being in charge of the students, had been the one to give the 'okay' for the idea. "I'm happy to keep an eye on you kids for another day, but on one condition." She turned to Kita, her hands on her hips. "Don't scare the hell out of me like that again, okay?"

Ritsu snorted. "Yeah, Mrs Sawa's too old to have many shocks like that. She might just have a heart attack and keel over."

The teacher raised a fist in the air that hovered over the teenager's head. "Say that again, I dare you," she threatened.

Azusa was trying hard to stay on Kita's good side by doing her favours and speaking politely. Although it was over the top and a little unnerving, she wouldn't stop and Kita decided that it was better than her being sour.

Yui was clinging onto Kita, quite literally. She wouldn't let go of her, and she only tightened her embrace every time the beach was mentioned as though she would have another episode of emotional outbreak and run into the surf again. It seemed that agreeing to the term that Mrs Sawa had set was not enough for all of them.

To pass the spare time they now had and to also try and beckon some sort of musical practice, Mio proposed that they play some music that afternoon.

Ritsu let out a groan that echoed throughout the entire house.

"Why did you join the band?" Mio asked again.

Ritsu shrugged. "I have no idea anymore."

"Too bad, we need the practice." Mio rose and looked towards Kita. "It's alright with you, isn't it?"

Kita was getting tired of them treating her as though she were fragile, but as the day wore on, she realised that she was breaking quite easily. Her thoughts were all over the place, ending quite abruptly and leaving her disorientated when they travelled toward the death of her mother. She knew that putting it off would make it harder to accept later on, but she couldn't ruin the time she had here. She could feel the sadness and fear twisting her stomach into knots but she let it continue. If she questioned it, the pain would be too raw to take.

Upstairs in the music room, she began to understand how hard it was to ignore such a massive truth. It had blown a hole in the world that she lived in. Everything as going to change. She began to become unsettled as she sat and waited for the others to prepare, but it was music that calmed her down again.

Mugi had started playing without warning, catching the other girls off guard. They turned to her with questioning looks on their faces and she nodded her head towards Kita who had her knees drawn to her chest, her eyes elsewhere as she fell into her thoughts.

"We need to play something for her," Yui said, her voice strangled with sadness for her friend.

Mio nodded her head and pulled the microphone up to her level. "Something happy, but not too jumpy... How about Ballpoint Pen?"

As the music began, Kita slowly surfaced back to the peaceful side of reality, stowing away her mother's painful death and listening instead to the music. She could feel it's vibration through the room as it filled her inside, replacing the creeping darkness. When she was attending her old school, a teacher had told her that everyone has something special that makes them feel happy when they are sad. Of course, she was in grade school and that was years ago, but the information stuck with her. Music was her cure, and she took the entire dose as her friends played for her.

The band put everything into their music and Mrs Sawa watched them as she leaned casually against the wall on the opposite side of the room. She nodded her head to the music, thinking of what a wonderful feeling pride was. She knew that she could count on them to take care of Kita.

Once the song had ended, Kita's tears had fallen their last and she had a smile on her face. She didn't have to force it. It came naturally. She was so grateful to her friends for making her feel so bright when it seemed as though the world was falling apart.

"Thank you everyone!" she cried, standing up and clapping. "You made me feel stronger again though your music. You really are talented. Tell me, what can I do in my thanks?"

"You don't have to do anything," Yui said, coming over to take her friend's hands in her own. "It's what friends do for each other."

"That's right," Ritsu said. "But if you really want to do something, you could ban band practice for the day."

"That won't be happening," Mio growled.

Kita's smile only grew wider. For a moment she wondered if it was right to smile when her mother was dead, but something inside told her that her mother would want to be happy, even when she was gone. She had always told her that she loved to see her smile.

"Sing something for us, Kita," Azusa asked. "It will make you feel better."

It was the truth, Kita knew it. Now she knew why she had sung at her mother's bedside that time. She had been trying to find the happiness again through music. She now knew how well it could work. All she had to do was put her head down and lose herself in the world of sound.

"Alright." She stepped up to the microphone as the others moved away. She didn't need to think about the song she would sing. She already knew what needed to be sung that day. For the final goodbye to her mother, she would sing that song that came from the deepest depths of her heart.

She opened her heart up and released what was inside...

_"Rain that slowly falls down on me._

_ None of it can wash away the tears I cry._

_ This world will spin after you have flown away._

_ And I am left with the memory of your shining wings._

_ Shut them all away._

_ Lock the memories in my heart._

_ Break down the dawn today._

_ And forget who you are._

_ They speak as though they don't know that I am there._

_ I am a shadow that walks with no place but despair._

_ Every beat of my heart is a closer step to the end._

_ I have nothing more in my life to defend._

_ Shut them all away._

_ Lock the memories in my heart._

_ Break down the dawn today._

_ And forget who you are._

_ Now I know the truth again_

_ And I have found a star_

_ It's brimming with the light I need_

_ To take that breath_

_ And dive again_

_ Open up the door_

_ Free the memories inside_

_ Beyond the darkened core_

_ I'll remember who you are_

Memories flashed through Kita's mind as she sung. She was no longer in the music room, she was no longer being watched by her friends, and she found herself in a place where she could breathe calmly and simply be.

She was in the hospital with her mother's bed empty and made up. The silence was deafening, a parasite to music, but she let it be her serenity and waited. In just a moment of silence, something amazing can happen.

There, sitting on the empty bed, was her mother. She appeared so suddenly, but looked so calm and peaceful that she may as well have been there for hours. She held out a hand to Kita. "Come and sit by my side."

Kita sat on the bed beside her mother, their shoulders together as they stared out of the window at the world obscured by bright sunlight. Kita's eyes focused on her mother. She looked healthy and alive again, just how she had always dreamed she would be one day.

As though she knew exactly what Kita was thinking, her mother spoke. "Sometimes our dreams can only really come true in death, Kita. Sometimes death is not the right way or the wrong way, but the only way. You understand, don't you?"

Kita took some time to answer. She looked out at the sunlight, squinting against it and wondering what she would see beyond. It wasn't her time, so that truth was hidden, but how she wished she could see where her mother now rested in peace. "I understand. I shouldn't be asking why this happened. I should be accepting it, and moving on."

"Inside you are frozen still," her mother said, brushing a loose strand of hair away from her daughter's face and cupping her chin tenderly. "I know these things just by looking at you."

"How am I supposed to un-freeze?" Kita asked, struggling to keep from choking on her painful words. "How can I find that warmth again without you here?"

The wall that held the window was gone as suddenly as her mother had appeared. In its place was the blinding light, and her mother rose to face it.

"Kita, you will find the love I gave you again, just not from me. You will discover just how much the world can offer if you only turn away from this dark, empty corner of your life."

Tears welled in Kita's eyes, for she knew that she would be saying goodbye to her mother again, only now it was for the very last time. She stepped forward and reached out to grasp her shoulder and turn her around to her world again, but her hand passed straight through. She let it fall to her side and sank to the ground on her knees. "Who can love me as much as you?" she cried.

Her mother looked over her shoulder at her, a believing smile gracing her. "Just look around you, and you will know the answer."

Kita watched as her mother disappeared into the light and the wall came back again. She heard voices calling her name and whirled on the spot, trying to see the faces that were swimming before her. She saw Yui, then Mio, and Ritsu, Azusa, and Mugi. Mrs Sawa yelled her name, wearing a look of alarm. She was dizzy and fell onto her back, flat on the floor. The faces twirled above her, each looking more worried than the last.

"I get it now, mum," she whispered, letting the world spin before her eyes. "Those people who can love me and fill that empty space... are my friends..."

"Kita, can you hear me!"

Mrs Sawa's face appeared in front of all the others, peering closely down at Kita. Receiving no response from the confused, semi-conscious girl, she turned to Yui who looked close to tears. "Go and get some water for her, Yui."

"R-right!"

Kita blinked several times until they all stopped whirling around her. Had she fainted _again? _Surely she would have brain damage soon enough.

"Kita, you're crying," Azusa gasped, immediately bending down to hand her a tissue that she may as well have conjured up out of thin air.

Kita plucked it from her hand and wiped away the warm tears from her face. "Th-thanks," she gasped. She could remember the dream perfectly well, and with the sadness that it left behind, it also left her feeling stronger. She smiled back at all of her friends with a gratitude that flooded her inside. "I'm okay. I feel better than ever, actually."

Mrs Sawa looked at Kita strangely as though she were delusional. "What do you mean?"

The girl sat up slowly with several hands helping her. She took in a few breaths before trusting herself to speak without being sick. "Everyone, I know the truth now. I know that when I'm with you guys I'm not alone."

They all glanced at each other, trading looks of surprise. Kita could practically hear their thoughts, asking themselves, _what's changed?_

"My mother," she said softly, wiping away a fresh tear with the tissue. "She told me that I won't be alone even now that she's gone because all of you care for me."

"About time you got it," Mrs Sawa said with a smile. "I'm proud of you."

"So you understand now, Kitty?" Yui had returned with a glass of water that she handed to her friend. "We're all here for you, like I said we were."

Kita nodded, the sentimentality almost too much to bear. "I'm sorry it has taken so long. It must have been a pain for all of you."

they all shook their heads in unison. Kita knew that they were lying, but this time she was grateful that they didn't admit the truth.

"Well now that we've come this far, lets get you to forget about your mum until you can handle it." Mrs Sawa helped Kita lift the glass to take a drink. Somehow the woman always knew when Kita needed her, and the girl was grateful to have her as a support.

"Does that mean we can stop playing music today?" Ritsu asked hopefully.

Mio looked to Kita. "You decide."

Kita smiled apologetically at Ritsu. "I'm sorry, but I would love to play some more of that song. It makes me feel... braver."

Mugi lifted her hand as though she were in class and waited until Mrs Sawa nodded to her until she continued. "I think first we should come up for a name for it," she suggested. "That way we don't have to keep calling it 'that song.'"

It was a good idea. Kita thought for a moment, her thumb pressed to her chin. It was no longer reminded her of the pain from losing her mother day after day, but it reminded her of this day when she realised that she wasn't alone in the world. A death had bloomed a better life, and it had made her believe in herself.

"I think I'll call it... Dawning," she said, shrugging her shoulders with embarrassment.

Thankfully, the others loved the idea.

"Of Kitty, you're so smart!" Yui cried, hugging Kita with surprising strength. "I would have never thought of that!"

"What would you have called it?" Ritsu asked.

"Hmm, maybe... 'I was sad, and now I'm happy again?'"

For a moment no one thought she was serious, then seeing her set expression, they burst out laughing. For the first time in too long, Kita didn't need to force the laughter out.


	12. Music House

**Chapter Twelve**

**Music House**

A week after the beach house holiday, a funeral was held for Kita's mother. It was a perfect day, warm and comfortable without a drop of rain. It was funny to think of the day Kita was burying her mother as a good day, but she didn't dare let herself think otherwise. Not when she had come so far.

After the dream in which her mother had helped her realise that she was not on her own, her friends worked together in secret for the rest of the night writing down lyrics for a new song. They would occupy her one by one until she began to catch on. She sneaked into the music room where they sat together with their heads bent over the paper. She leaned over and saw the words they scribbled down and argued over, and Yui, surprisingly, was the first to catch her peeking.

Disappointed that the lyrics would no longer be a surprise, they gave up the new song to Kita. She read over it more than once, letting the joy it brought her sink in. The song was about them supporting her through the hard time, and the heart they had put into it was so clear that she almost cried.

Standing at the edge of the black closed coffin, Kita wished that she could hear it now. Her heart ached, the hole that her mother had left remaining as a throbbing scar. She wasn't alone, but that didn't mean she didn't miss her terribly.

Bending down, Kita laid the white bouquet of flowers she held on the lid of her mother's coffin. She whispered her final goodbye so that the remnants of her broken family behind her couldn't hear. "Goodbye, mum. Thank you for everything you taught me."

As though understanding her need for the music, the lyrics that she had read that night at the beach house began to echo on the wind. She closed her eyes, thinking that it was her memory of the song that was granting her wish, but the music got louder, and the singer's voice was familiar.

Kita looked up and some metres away, standing by a lone tree, was her band. They had taken adapters out with them, hooked up to a car that had delivered them there in secret. Again they deceived her, and again Kita was happy for it.

Mio's soft voice captivated everyone in the small gathering.

"_You cry those tears,_

_ They fall to the floor._

_ You've felt like this,_

_ Too many times before._

_ With an outstretched hand_

_ And an open heart,_

_ I will guide you through_

_ To a new start._

_ We will hold strong together._

_ Will will never break._

_ Cause without you I am nothing_

_ And without me you feel small,_

_ But together we'll make it through it all."_

Kita felt her heart beating fast with the music. She soaked in every word, believing it and trusting it. She lifted her head to the sky and closed her eyes again so she could just listen as her friends sent her the message that would pull her through this hard time.

They truly were precious to her.

"Thank you for making me see clearly, mum. I won't ever forget."

A month after the funeral things finally began to settle down. Kita was dealing with her mother's death much better, and she leaned on her friends, knowing now that they would be there. Mrs Sawa still helped her though when she felt that she was better qualified, scaring away the students when they spoke out of turn to her favourite student. Not only had everything calmed down, but the band was thriving.

"I can't believe it!" Ritsu gasped, slapping a poster down on the table. "We're finally in!"

"In?" Mio peered closely at the poster, her eyes widening as she understood. "The Music House just a few blocks away? Are you serious?"

Ritsu pulled out a handful of tickets and set them down beside the poster. "VIP guys! We're playing at the Music House!"

Azusa's eyes widened and she snatched up the tickets. As she inspected them, her face fell. "Live? In front of people?"

"We've done it before," Ritsu reminded her. "You were fine all of those times."

Kita's eyes were glued to the poster. Over the months that had passed, she had been in many more school performances. Not once after the first time did she collapse or freak out any more than the others. The realisation that had come to her that day at the beach house had cured more fears than one.

"This will be your first time performing out of school, won't it?" Yui said, not forming it into a question. She already knew that it was true.

Kita nodded her head. "I'll be fine though, so don't worry. I've been fine playing in front of the entire school. Surely the crowd at this place won't be as big."

"That's true," Mio agreed. "But it is still different."

They were all staring hard at Kita, still unsure as to whether she could handle it. Some things weren't going to change it seemed.

Kita sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Come on, guys! Give me a little more credit. Look at how far I've come."

Mugi looked up from the tickets that Azusa had passed over to her. "We're not saying you haven't come far, Kita. We're just still worried that its too soon."

Too soon? Kita's mother had died some time ago, and the burial had been weeks passed. The pain was still raw around the edges, and often found herself wondering if her mother really understood how grateful she was for her final lesson. If she didn't distract herself, however, than it would only be worse.

"Trust me, this will be really good for me," she said, determined to win them over.

Ritsu looked to Mio who shrugged her shoulders. Azusa spoke before anyone else had the chance. "I think we should trust that she'll be okay," she said, smiling across the table at Kita.

Yui nodded and turned to Ritsu. "You're the leader! Come on, she'll be fine."

Ritsu cleared her throat and straightened up at the title 'leader.' "Hmm, well, yes, as the _leader _I have the final say. Sooo... I guess it will be alright."

Kita felt a weight lighten on her shoulders and reached across to the poster. It had a picture of a woman bending over her guitar and slamming her hands down on the strings. An audience hungry for the music crawled over each other like animals, their fists in the air. These sorts of images inspired Kita now instead of scaring her. She grinned as she placed it before her on the table.

"I can do this," she said to herself as the others began to plead with Mugi to have some of her cake. She liked teasing them, and made them ask her politely now instead of taking it from her bag when she wasn't looking.

"Did you say something?" Mio asked, her eyes on Kita.

The girl shook her head and leaned forward to retrieve the first plate that was loaded with cake.

Mugi smiled and put the rest of the cake back beneath it's wrapping. "I think today I would like to see you all fighting over that slice."

Kita was sure that her heart stopped as she realised that Mugi was pointing to her plate. Before she could make a single move or even scream, Yui and Ritsu were upon her.

The Music House was just as its name suggested. It was a small building no bigger than a normal house in the side of an alleyway wall. Not many people knew about it, and that was exactly how the staff wanted it. Only exclusive people were allowed inside to either play or experience the music, so the club was lucky to have been given the opportunity.

Kita and the rest of the band walked down the alleyway, excitement and nervousness seeming to crackle in the air around them. They were without the company of Mrs Sawa, but that did little to dampen their moods. She was the one who had been upset in the end, buried under piles of work, but the girls could do this without her, and she agreed as long as they managed to get someone to record the entire thing for her to watch.

A bounced stood outside of the club, his arms crossed stereotypically over his chest as his eyes scanned the short line of people. Those wanting access were either punks, goths, or draped in matching outfits. They had instruments slung over their backs and shoulders like weapons and protruded their tickets to show the man. He let them all pass one by one until it was time for the club.

"Here we go!" Ritsu raised a fist in the air. "Our first gig with our new member!"

Mio turned to Kita with a worried look in her eyes. "How are you feeling, Kita? You'll be alright, won't you?"

Kita nodded, pretending that her heart was not beating in her throat. "Of course. Remember, I've become stronger. I didn't go through all of that experience and learning to come out empty handed."

"That's right!" Yui brought her arms around her in a tight embrace. "Kita's the perfect band member now! She's braver than anyone I know."

"I wouldn't say that," Kita said, but a feeling of pride swelled inside of her.

The bouncer glanced at their tickets expressionlessly and stepped aside. They strode through the iron door, Kita deciding that it looked like something out of a horror film, and entered the reception room.

A woman stood behind a counter, strumming her fingers on her arm in time to the beat of the practising bands, their music seeping in through the walls.

"Welcome to the Music House," she greeted, barely raising her head. "You girls are...?"

Mugi cleared her throat and stepped forward. "Let me handle this." She drew herself up, bared her teeth like an animal, and slapped her ticket down on the desk. "We are the Afternoon Teatime band! We're here to rock!"

There was silence as everyone gaped at her, then her false personality shattered and she shrunk back. "Sorry... I just got lost in the moment."

"You're telling me," Yui gasped, her hand clutching at her heart.

The receptionist had an amused smile on her lips as she handed out papers to be filled out. "Have fun out there," she said, though it looked as though she were speaking mainly to Mugi.

They sat together in the corner of the room on leather chairs. The room was decorated with a modern punk feel, the walls covered in different shades of paint with clean black and white chairs and couches, photos on display of rock gods and goddesses, and a carpet with a chequered black and red design.

Kita looked around in awe. "This place is not what I expected," she breathed. "I thought it would be, well... trashed."

Yui nodded her head. "So did I. Are we in the right place?"

Ritsu looked offended. "Of course we are! I don't make mistakes like that."

Azusa looked as though she had something to say to that comment, but she bit down on her lip and held the words back. Better to leave the complaint for now when everyone was having fun.

"Come on, that's not how you hold the damn thing, idiot!"

All heads raised and the girls peered over at another group who had taken residence in the opposite corner. They were all Goth-styled girls with gelled up hair, dark makeup, and wristbands that left no space for flesh. However, one of them didn't seem to belong. Her hair was short and lank, barely standing up at all, and she looked more innocent than the rest with light makeup and casual jeans and a tank-top. She cowered as the other's roared around her like stalking animals.

"Hold it like this!" another of the band members shouted, hoisting her guitar and striking a pose.

The girl who didn't seem to belong couldn't hold her guitar properly. It was half her size and weighed a tonne, and she could barely lift it anyway with her shaking hands. She was trying her best, but according to the others, it wasn't good enough.

"That isn't right," Kita said under her breath. "Look at her. She's clearly nervous, but they don't even care."

Mio shushed her, her eyes wide. "Careful, they'll hear you!"

"They look scary," Mugi agreed, sinking deeper into the couch. "Lets just pretend that we don't see them or hear them."

Kita could barely believe what her friends were saying. She looked back to the girls in the corner, clenching her fists in frustration. She felt the girl's fear. The panic that was printed on her stark white face caused Kita pain to look at.

"Mugi, what happened to your earlier spunk?" Ritsu asked.

Mugi's cheeks went red and she shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. "Sorry, but I don't think we should get involved with them."

Kita shook her head angrily. "We can't just let them treat her like that! When I first decided to join you guys, I wasn't sure of what would happen, and I kept imagining that I would be in her shoes."

Azusa backed her up. "I understand that too. When I first joined I was terrified." She squirmed in her seat uncomfortably.

They all exchanged glances.

"Alright, maybe we should do something," Mio decided for the group. "But... Yui should talk to them because she's the bravest."

Yui jumped on the spot. "M-me? But they look really _really _scary!"

"There's no need to worry about it now," Ritsu said, gathering all of the girls' attention. She nodded her head towards the corner that was now vacant. "They've already headed out onto the stage. Sounds like they wanted to get their songs over and done with early."

Silenced surrounded the band. Kita lowered her head and unclenched her hands. She wished she could have done something for the girl. She felt terrible.

Azusa reached out and pat her on the back. "Don't worry about it. Lets get it out of our minds for now and put on a show."

"Yeah!" Yui cried, pumping her fist in the air. "That'll cheer you up, Kita!"

If only that were true. Kita was terrified, and now she had her own well-being to worry about as well as the girl's. She let out along breath as her heart began to hammer behind her ribs. "Time to concentrate on that, I guess. Are we going to practice?"

They headed into one of the back rooms to get ready for the performance. They were soon focused on the music, their nerves beginning to tighten as they realised that they would be playing in front of an audience. Anyone would have thought that by now they would be used to it, but every audience was different. There was always the chance that they music wouldn't cut it for those watching.

They headed out twenty minutes later to wait behind the stage for the current band to finish. As they cleaned themselves up and re-checked and tuned their instruments, they listened to the music that pumped from the stage.

"They sound really creepy!" Yui gasped as she cocked her head to the side and listened. "They're singing about ghosts and shadows and zombies! Scary!"

Mio shivered and looked longingly for the corner where she could jam her hands over her ears and block out the sound, but Ritsu caught her as she edged away.

"Where do you think you're going, Mio?"

Mio shook her hands away and regained her composure. "I'm just... stretching my legs!"

"Stretching your legs? To sing?" Ritsu raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I totally don't believe that."

"I totally don't believe this," Azusa breathed from the edge of the darkness. She was peering out onto the stage, her eyes wide.

"What is it?" Kita followed her gaze and watched the band as they played. The audience pulsed and throbbed as they knocked their heads and waved their hands to the eerie sounds the instruments produced, but it was the band players that had Kita in awe. She immediately noticed the odd one out, the quiet girl that didn't belong. She was struggling as she held tightly onto the guitar that was weighing her down and tried to strike the chords in time with the others.

She was failing miserably.

"This is hard to watch," Azusa muttered, shaking her head sadly. "Any minute now they'll turn around and-"

"That's it!" The lead singer, a girl with wild black hair threw the microphone to the stage floor and turned on the girl, her eyes blazing with fury. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The girl had turned a whiter shade of pale. She almost looked like a ghost herself now. "I-I'm playing just like you showed me."

"Uh-oh," Ritsu gasped. "This doesn't look good."

All of the Tea Time club members were watching now with baited breath as the scene unfolded.

The other band members of the gothic band had now rounded on the timid girl as the audience turned on them and began to shout and scream in anger.

"No one taught you to suck that bad!" another crazy-haired girl growled, stamping her feet towards the shy girl.

Another with cropped hair and bright makeup slapped a hand to her forehead. "I should never have let you in. I should have known that it would turn out like this."

Kita's heart was beating fast for the girl. She looked as though she were about to faint. She wished she could walk out there, pluck the girl from the stage, and run away with her to comfort her and tell her that everything would be okay, but she couldn't. All she could do was watch.

The girl was shaking from head to toe and swaying on the spot. She opened her mouth to speak but the words died in her throat and she choked on a sob instead.

Mugi was beside herself. "She needs tea! She looks like she's about to faint!"

"Should we get someone?" Mio asked.

Too late. Tears spilled from the girl's eyes and she turned tail and ran. She raced past the Tea Time band and disappeared out of the door, her broken cries following behind.

Her band members were shooed from stage, furious. As they passed the backstage area, their muttered words were clear. "What a wuss!" "I can't believe she cost us our gig!" "We should hunt her down and..."

"And now for the After School Tea Time band with Ball Point Pen!" the announcer cried as he scooped up the microphone from the floor. He looked flustered by the sudden walkout and turned to stare at the girls, waiting impatiently.

"Well, that was horrible to watch, but I guess its our turn," Ritsu said with a shrug. She stepped out of the shadows to the backstage, head held high.

"She's right," Mio agreed. "We need to concentrate on our own music now." She followed suit with Azusa and Mugi trailing behind.

Kita couldn't take her eyes from the door that had been practically knocked down by the angry members. She strained her ears to hear them shouting at the girl as though it would give her permission to finally come to her rescue, but there was only silence.

A hand pat her on the back, and she turned to see Yui smiling at her.

"I know its hard, but forget her for now," she said, a confident smile on her face. "This is your first gig, so have fun and just think about the music, okay?"

She was right. It was Kita's first gig. She needed to focus.

"Alright," she agreed, shaking her head free of distractions. "We'll rock the house down!"


End file.
